His Own Hero
by KESwriter
Summary: Reid saves himself from a vicious torturer after three years in captivity. Now, he has to learn how to live in a changed world.
1. Chapter 1

I don't usually do this, but I owe it to some of my loyal reviewers: My Christmas story and this one will be completed around Thanksgiving. Heir will be worked on through to Christmas. The re-aged story will be updated next year at the latest.

I am a manic person. I chase stories and write until I run out of ideas. I will finish them. I promise.

Reid saves himself from a vicious torturer after three years in captivity. Now, he has to learn how to live in a changed world.

His Own Hero

Cameron Gage didn't like this stretch of road. He only traveled it once or twice a year. West Virginia in general didn't have the best infrastructure, which was bad news for his wheels as a truck driver. Still the pay was good, so it was worth going down this desolate stretch of highway every once and a while.

There was something on the road up ahead. It looked like a man waving a white sheet. As he got closer, he saw the man's face was bloody and bruised.

Gage stopped the truck and dialed channel nineteen.

"I've got a wounded man on the side of the road," Gage said.

"Roger that. We'll get someone to your location stat," the dispatcher said.

"I'm going to check on him," he said and got out.

The man looked tired and bone-thin. The blue plaid shirt, didn't fit him, and it looked like the jeans he was wearing he tied around himself using rope. He was wearing no shoes. His hair was long and caked in blood.

"I've called for help," he said to the man. "I'm Cameron."

"I'm Spencer," he said hoarsely. "Can I use your phone while we wait?"

"Sure," he said pulling it out.

"What year is it?" he asked.

"Two thousand twenty-three."

The man didn't say anything, but there were tears in his eyes.

Gage handed him the cellphone.

…

"You look stunning Emily," J.J. said.

"Are sure I should be wearing white at my age?" she asked.

Lewis laughed.

"You're about to walk down the aisle and now you decide you want a color change?"

J.J. also laughed.

"The truth is Emily Andre would say you looked stunning even if you wore a literal potato sack down the aisle."

Prentiss sighed.

"I know, I just still can't believe it," Prentiss said. "I'm getting married!"

There was a knock on the door. Elizabeth Prentiss appeared.

"You're going to be late for your own wedding honey," she said.

Her phone rang.

"Ignore it," she said. "David is waiting and so is everyone else."

"I'll answer it," J.J. said and picked up her phone.

"Girls," Elizabeth said with a sigh.

"Who is this?" J.J. said and put it on speakerphone.

"J.J. is that you?" a hoarse voice said.

"Who is this? How'd you get this number?" J.J. asked urgently.

"Jenifer, it's me, Spencer."

J.J. burst into tears.

"Say something that only you would know," she said breathlessly. "We've been pranked before."

"The final score of the Red Skins game we went to ten to thirteen. The first time I ever heard you swear was when the kicker missed a field goal and I gasped and you laughed."

"Where are you?" Prentiss asked urgently. "We'll be on the next plane to get you I promise."

"West Virginia," he said. "The nearest town is called Green Bank."

"We're coming for you Spencer," Prentiss said. "I promise."

Prentiss ended the call with Elizabeth staring at her.

"You're really going to call off your wedding to see one friend?"

"Yes," she said, and marched past her.

The music began when she entered the chapel. She approached Rossi and whispered into his ear: "Reid's alive in West Virginia."

"Let's bring him home," he said.

Prentiss marched down the aisle quickly. Andre seemed to sense something was off.

"What's wrong?" he asked as the music faded.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this wedding needs to be put on hold," she said. "Spencer Reid is alive West Virginia. I need to go to him. I still love Andre, but Spencer has been missing for three years and he needs his family. Our love can wait."

Prentiss marched back down the aisle and went into the changing area. Lewis and J.J. were already in the process of changing.

"Help me get out of this thing," she said.

They had a friend who needed them.


	2. Chapter 2

Just a quick clarification because I missed a few episodes of CM last season: Prentiss was marrying Andrew Mendoza, her boyfriend from last season.

Chapter Two:

"Spencer Reid," the intake nurse said. "What is your date of birth?"

"October twelfth, nineteen eighty," he said.

"Any allergies?"

"Carbenicillin."

"And how do you react to that?"

"I'm deathly allergic to it."

"Do know about how much you weigh?"

"I'd guess one hundred twenty-two pounds," he said.

She checked his pulse.

"It's one forty-three. Let's get your feet cleaned and work on the rest of you," she said.

He jumped when the nurse touched him.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It's okay. Just relax," she said.

"_If you relax it won't hurt as much."_

Reid nearly kicked the nurse in the face.

"I'm going to see if we can get something to calm you down," the nurse said. "I'll be right back."

She closed the curtain to the examining room.

Reid began to shake. He looked at his hands. It had taken a while to wash the blood off. It was also the first time he had felt close to clean in a long time. Water was such a luxury it was as if he had forgotten it could run from taps for hours on end. Warm water, he thought he had only dreamed it up at one point.

"Spencer Reid," a voice said.

A sheriff appeared. He had stern features and gray hair.

"I'm Sheriff Ned Gall. Do you know anything about the body we found in a cabin about three miles from where you were found along the side of the road?"

"I killed him in self-defense," he said.

"What did you kill him with?" he asked.

"A shard of a beer bottle I had hidden after he smashed it over my head, what I believe was the previous night."

"We found a lot of tools with blood and other substances on them," he said. "Along with a few other bodies. We'll have to see what the evidence indicates, but as of right now, I'm inclined to believe you."

"Thank you, Sheriff," he said.

"Let's have you checked out and then we'll get another statement from you later."

The nurse appeared.

"A little Ativan should calm you down," she said.

She pulled out a needle and Reid fought the shakes.

"_Let's try this one!"_

He collapsed in a state of panic.

…

The next time he woke, he wasn't wearing what he'd worn out of the cabin. He began to panic. Everything felt unfamiliar. What he was laying on was soft. Too soft. Reid tried to get up but alarms went off. Alarms were bad. He plugged his ears.

Someone appeared, she had soft features and a pleasant smile.

"Mr. Reid, it's okay," she said. "You're safe here."

"It's Dr. Reid," he mumbled.

"Oh, what are you a doctor in?" she asked.

"Math, chemistry, and engineering."

"So, you're a genius?" she said.

"Yes," he said.

"You're safe here, Dr. Reid," she said. "Try to relax."

"_No place is safe so long as I'm alive."_

"He's dead, isn't he?" Reid said anxiously. "John Uris is dead."

"I believe so," she said.

"_I'll live on in you and haunt you until your last dying breath."_

"Some people refuse to die," he said.

He fell back on the bed even as his whole body screamed _WRONG!_

His whole body began to shake again.

"What is happening to me?" he whimpered.

"Your body is in shock," she said.

The softness was too much. He threw himself out of the bed and landed partially in the arms of the nurse.

"It's okay," she said.

_Nothing will ever be okay for you again._

"Nothing is okay," he said.

…

The doctor addressed the conference room they had been given.

"He came in underweight with scaring on his feet consistent with significant travel by foot. There is also scaring consistent with repeated sexual assault. Several broken ribs have failed to heal properly in addition to broken limbs that appear to have been reset properly. He had to be restrained after he jumped out of bed. We think he is overstimulated and treating him with careful sedation."

There were tears in everyone's eyes. From Garcia to Simmons. This was the worst-case scenario.

"Can we see him?" Garcia choked out.

"Two people only," he said.

"Garcia and I will go," Prentiss said.

The sheriff appeared suddenly.

"I won't hold you up too long," he said. "I'm Sheriff Ned Gall. I have just a couple questions."

He opened his phone.

"Does this man look familiar?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Reid told me he killed this man in self-defense. His name is John Uris. He's a disgraced doctor from Virginia. No one had heard of him in the last six years and his few friends thought he was dead. An avid woodsman, we found a cabin in the nearby national park with his throat punctured. We also found the bodies of three other men."

"Spencer Reid went missing while we were on a case in Virginia," Prentiss said. "His tire got a flat and he was waiting for a ride. We found blood and his phone smashed at the scene."

"I know this is a difficult time for all of you," he said. "But I spoke with a someone from Quantico and they said that if any of you are able, you're welcome to join the investigation."

"I don't think I could look at what Spencer went through," J.J. said.

"Simmons and I will," Alvez said. "We'll lead the investigation."

"We'll try to get as much information from Reid as possible," Prentiss said.

"I don't want you to push him," he said. "From what I've already seen I believe your fellow agent acted in self-defense. Now I just need to construct a timeline and identify the dead."

"Understood," Prentiss said.

"Now go see your friend," he said.

Prentiss and Garcia took the elevator up four floors. A nurse directed them to the second room on the left.

Garcia gasped. There were soft restraints on his wrists. She reached for Prentiss's hand as they approached him.

"Hey guys," he said with a weak smile. "Like my bracelets?"

"Why are they on?" Garcia asked.

"I keep trying to throw myself out of bed," he said nonchalantly. "The bed is too soft."

"Oh, Reid," Prentiss said.

"I'm alive Emily," he said as tears fell. "Others didn't make it, but I'm alive."

Garcia reached for his hand and he jumped.

"I can't handle being touched right now," he said.

"What did Uris do to you Spencer?" Prentiss asked.

"Everything, Emily," he said in a quiet whisper.


	3. Chapter 3

There is a reason this story is in the M section. The warnings apply.

Chapter Three:

_Uris waved what was left of his clothes in his face._

"_You'll never feel human again!" he roared. "You're just a filthy animal."_

Reid woke up with a jolt. He was wearing a hospital gown still. It felt so awful against his skin, despite being soft. Nothing felt right, even as he once craved the touch of fabric.

"Dr. Reid?"

A woman in a simple black business suit appeared. In her late forties, she had shoulder-length brown hair and a kind expression on her face.

"My name is Dr. Rene Juno," she said. "I'm a psychologist brought in to help with your case."

"How is Juno spelled?" he asked.

"The way it sounds," she said. "Not like the capital of Alaska."

"You're here to figure out why I can't handle being touched?" he said, lifting his wrists in his restraints.

"I've spoken with the sheriff," she said. "It doesn't surprise me that you can't handle close contact."

"What do I do?" he asked. "I can't control the way my body reacts to even my friends touching me."

"We take is slow," she said. "I'm going to recommend limiting the number of staff in contact with you and only allow experienced female nurses for now."

"That sounds good."

Juno took a seat.

"What is troubling you the most right now?"

"Textures," he said. "I wasn't allowed clothes, not long after he abducted me. He'd taunt me by bringing a mattress down and beat me viciously if he found me laying on it."

"How did you survive?" she asked.

"I didn't always want to live," he said. "I tried killing myself a couple times. But he'd fix me up and abuse me for having the nerve to try to end the suffering."

"What made you trek three miles to get help?" she asked.

"I wanted to see my friends again," he said. "I wanted to see their smiles. I wanted to just talk to them in real-life again. I talked to them constantly when I was alone. I'd ramble on about the life cycle of a grasshopper and imagine their bored, exasperated faces. I'd tell them I loved them they'd say they loved me back. It helped me stay sane."

"Friendship is a powerful thing," she said. "The sheriff wanted me to ask if you knew about the other bodies. You don't have to talk about it if you're not up for it today."

"They were brought in to be my companions," he said. "Uris would force us to have sex in front of him."

"Do you know their names?" she asked.

"Jake Trent told me to tell his wife and kids that he loved them and never stopped missing them for a single second. Lowell Morton asked me to tell his partner Leon that he loved him and he was sorry they fought the last time they spoke. Ernest Kin told me to tell his son that he loved him and was sorry they never got to a Yankees game."

"That's quite a burden to carry all those messages with you," Juno said.

"It was another reason to stay alive," he said. "To make sure their messages got to their loved ones."

"How'd they die?" she asked.

"Trent was beaten to death for trying to escape. Morton was left to bleed out on me for attacking the Uris. Kin was shot after he succumbed to pneumonia and Uris didn't want to treat him for it."

"Tell me one thing that is puzzling me," Juno said. "You already have facial hair in the day that you've been here. They said you came in clean-shaven."

"He liked my soft face," he said. "He gave me razors and would threaten to beat me if I didn't shave."

"We've spoken enough for one day," she said. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"I miss reading," he said. "I haven't read anything in three years."

"I'll see about getting an aid who can loan you a Kindle you can use with one hand."

"Thank you," he said.

"Dr. Reid, you're starting to heal," she said. "Starting is the hardest part, but you've begun."

"Even though I hate being touched?"

"You're talking," she said. "You're sharing. You aren't shutting people out. That in its self is impressive."

"Thank you, Dr. Juno."

"I'll see you again tomorrow," she said. "You're stronger than you know."

She silently left and Reid felt slightly better.

…

Spall, Juno, and Prentiss met at the sheriff's station.

"I've been meeting with victims for over twenty years and I can honestly say, he is in exceptional condition mentally," Juno said.

"What about his sensitivity to touch?" Prentiss asked.

"For three years, every touch he knew was of violent nature," Juno said. "It doesn't surprise me that he hates contact that isn't consistent with what he knew during that time."

"Should we let him sleep on the floor?" Spall asked.

"That's something we'd work on in a psychiatric setting," she said. "For now, I have recommended a restricted number of staff have access to him so he isn't confronted with new faces constantly."

"Is he going to have to go into a facility after the hospital?" Prentiss asked.

"He's easily triggered in a hospital setting," she said. "It'd be much worse for him to simply go out into the world with no preparation. Since I assume you want him back in DC, I'd ask if your jet can used to transport him so he doesn't have to go through a public airport."

"You said he knew the three other dead men?" Spall said.

"His memory is certainly in good condition. I can give you the names and how they all died."

"That'd be great," Spall said.

Juno looked to Prentiss.

"I know this is incredibly hard, but your presence here is helping."

"We scoured a hundred-mile radius for him," she said. "I looked at the map today, if we had searched even twenty-five miles further, we might have found him."

"This is probably easier said than done, but you can't beat yourself up by revisiting the what-ifs."

J.J. appeared.

"Guys, the press has caught wind of Reid being found. They're camping out around the hospital."

Prentiss sighed.

"Just one more complication."


	4. Chapter 4

Enjoy!

Chapter Four:

Uris disappeared with the man's clothes. The man was self-conscious at first and covered his private parts. He could barely look at Reid.

"What's your name?" Reid asked.

"Jake," he said. "Why didn't you try to stop him from taking my clothes?"

"I don't know how long I've been here, but he's trained me to not fight or interfere with what he is doing."

Jake looked at his scars.

"He's hurt you badly," he said. "Is that what is going to happen to me?"

"This is the part where I wish I could lie, but I can't. He might. I honestly don't know."

"What's your name?" Jake asked.

"Spencer," he said.

"As in Spencer Reid?"

"You know of me?"

"The whole country does. Half of Virginia has been searched for you."

"How long has it been?" Reid asked.

"Six months."

Reid let out a moan of anguish.

"It's okay," Jake said soothingly. "Maybe me going missing will dig up some fresh leads."

"Where were you abducted from?"

"Oakland, Maryland," he said.

"We must be in West Virginia then," Reid said. "There are more woods there to hide in."

"All I know is, that I was waiting for tow truck when a guy came over to ask, if I needed help and then bashed my head into the window. The next thing I know I'm tied up in a trunk."

Uris unlatched the trapdoor and climbed down the ladder holding a shot gun.

"_I hope you two have gotten to know each other well enough for some f**king!"_

…

Reid woke with a jolt.

There was a knock on the hospital doorframe. Juno appeared.

"You don't look okay," she said.

"Was there a nation-wide search for me?" he asked.

"It was quite extensive," she said. "Your team appeared on all the cable stations pleading for your return."

"Why didn't they find me?" he whimpered.

"They found wigs and makeup in the cabin," she said. "Along with license plates from different states and stolen vehicles."

"How'd he sustain himself financially?" Reid asked.

"His father, whose death has now been ruled suspicious, left behind him a significant sum of money," she said.

"I can hear helicopters," Reid said. "They found me, haven't they?"

"Someone leaked it to the press," she said. "We believe it is someone from the hospital."

"I'm not into guys," he said suddenly. "It was just in that moment, non-violent human touch, even if forced was special. I think I loved all three men. We hugged each other for warmth and Leon seemed to get my confusion and helped me through it. I cried when each of the men died."

"This is a confusing time for you," Juno said. "You did so much simply to survive and now you're back in a world where the rules of survival don't apply anymore."

"Will I ever feel normal again?" he asked.

"Normal is a relative thing," she said. "I think, you've survived so much, you have the capacity to feel comfortable in your own skin again."

"I don't know," he said.

"Let me guide you through some meditation," she said. "We'll do this regularly also."

She played some music on her phone.

"Close your eyes and relax your body…"

Reid listened and welcomed the new distraction from thinking about what happened to him and the three men.

…

Gwen Calvin looked at the footage of the cabin being raided. A deputy had tipped them off that someone had been found in the woods. A nurse at the hospital confirmed the identity as being that of Spencer Reid.

Her show had just started on the newly-reinstated channel PAX. His story immediately caught her attention. He looked young for an FBI agent, despite being thirty-eight. The family didn't do the pleading so much as the FBI did. Famous author David Rossi compared him to a son. Another agent compared him to being a brother to her. These agents clearly loved him as though he were family.

Calvin was in a staff meeting to discuss the rundown for her show.

"The nurse said he can't stand being touched and that he's under constant sedation," a producer named Connie said. "She also said he's in soft restraints as he kept jumping out of bed as it was 'too soft.'"

"That man must have gone through Hell," another producer, Nick said.

"I want to stick to the facts and not leaked details," Calvin said.

"But aren't the viewers entitled to know?" Connie asked.

"Connie, Nick is right. Spencer Reid has gone through Hell. We don't need to add to his anguish by letting the world know about personal details relating to his recovery."

"Other stations may report it," Connie said.

"Then we'll look like we're behind on the times. I don't care for once. I covered this man's ordeal from the beginning. Let us be the station that shows sensitivity to a case where a man's life was destroyed for three years."

Connie looked like she wanted to say something.

"My word is final. What's next on the rundown?"

…

"I found the leak in my department," Gall said. "He's been fired."

"Garcia sniffed out the nurse who leaked the details," Prentiss said. "She's been suspended without pay, pending a formal hearing."

"PAX was the only station to not report on the leaked information," Gall said.

"Then we know who we're going to give our only interview to when the time comes," Prentiss said.

Simmons and Alvez looked grim when they came in.

"What'd you find?" Prentiss asked.

"He kept video footage."


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Five:

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Juno asked.

"Yes," he said firmly.

It had been five days since he arrived at the hospital. Reid had been meditating ever since Juno helped him through the first set. Yesterday was the first day where he didn't need to be sedated to be touched. Juno thought he was making great strides.

It was time to wash and cut his hair. Uris only cut it sporadically, so it was well past his shoulders. They were going to do it in the tub so he wouldn't have to strip. A nurse named Elise, he trusted was going to do the actual scrubbing, while Juno supervised.

He took his first steps in days. At first, he was a little unsteady, but he caught himself before anyone could intervene.

"Remember to breathe and relax," Juno said.

"You're doing good, Dr. Reid," Elise said and gave him a robe.

The fabric still felt too soft, but he was learning to tolerate it.

Reid walked to the adjoining bathroom and kneeled down.

Elise used a hand-held shower head. The water felt warm against his skull. She slowly began to massage his head and it felt divine. This wasn't a touch he was used to and it felt sensational.

It was over sooner than he would have liked. Elise helped him stand as she held his hair in a towel. He focused on not jumping and getting back into his room.

A chair was set up and woman called Joan was waiting. He had met her a couple days ago, and felt comfortable around her. She pulled out a mirror.

"What length would you like?" she asked.

Reid looked at his face for the first time in years. Some of the bruises had begun to fade. He looked older, more tired. There was a giant scar across his forehead he desperately tried not to think about.

"Just below the cheeks," he said.

"That's a nice length," she said. "Let's get started."

She wrapped a covering around him and started to cut. He could feel the weight of the coming off of him. At one point, he started to shake, but then he practiced deep breathing, like Juno had taught him. He began to relax. It was slightly terrifying, sitting still for so long, but Juno's assuring looks kept him calm.

"Done," Joan said.

She used a hair dryer on low on him. At first the heat bothered him, but then he found the sensation soothing. Joan brushed it carefully along the way.

When, she was done, she presented him with a mirror. Reid looked at it and gasped. He looked less haunted and more like someone he used to know.

"You like?" Joan asked.

"Thank you," Reid said.

"It was a pleasure," she said and quietly left with her equipment.

Juno looked jubilant.

"You were brilliant," she said.

"It was just a haircut," he said with a shrug.

"You panicked, but you caught yourself and relaxed. This is a major victory for you," she said.

"Thank you," he said.

Elise appeared with a doctor. The doctor was smiling.

"We're not going to restrain you anymore," he said. "We also feel you don't need to use a bed pan anymore."

Elise gave him a pair of boxer shorts. Reid thought he was going to cry. Every once and a while Uris gave him blankets during the winter to keep him alive. It had been a so long since he had access to intimate clothing.

Juno sensed he was becoming overwhelmed.

"Let's give him a moment," she said.

"Of course," he said.

Reid sat on the edge of the bed holding the boxers.

"Breathe, Dr. Reid," she said. "Breathe."

He put the shorts down and threw his arms around Juno. He began to cry. Juno held him tightly as he sobbed. It had been too much. His hair and now clothes. It had been too much.

Eventually, he calmed down.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're fine Dr. Reid," she said.

_You're a worthless piece of s**t!_

"He won't leave my head," Reid moaned.

"That's going to take time," Juno said. "We'll keep working on it."

"I would like to change," he said.

"Good," she said.

"I can't let him win, can I?" he said.

"I believe you won't," Juno said.

Reid went into the bathroom to put on his first piece of true independence from his captivity.

Maybe, he was starting to feel lest like a victim and more like a survivor.

…

Prentiss ate with Simmons and Alvez at the local diner. Simmons picked at his meatloaf and Alves kept simply staring at his chicken.

"I don't think either of us can handle much more of this," Simmons said. "There's only six hundred hours as he kept deleting and re-using the same drive. Reid was put through Hell, Emily."

"I don't doubt that," she said as she slowly ate her turkey dinner.

"He stopped crying in the most recent footage," Alvez said. "He'd just lay there and take it."

"Is there footage of him killing Uris?" Prentiss asked.

"Reid was so still, Uris thought he was dead," Simmons said. "Then he pulled out a shard and stabbed in the neck. Reid watched as he bled out before taking the keys and leaving."

"I don't get how we missed the connection with the other missing men," Prentiss said.

"Jake Trent was divorced and his ex-wife didn't report him missing for a week," Alvez said. "Lowell Morton wasn't reported for three days as his partner thought they were taking a break. Leon Kin wasn't reported as he had a history of leaving his son alone for long periods of time."

"But they were all in the same tri-state area," Prentiss said.

"You need to stop blaming yourself for this Emily," Alvez said.

"I can't!" she said. "We should have found him!" she said loudly.

"It isn't going to going to help to get upset about it," Simmons said calmly.

She took a deep breath.

"You're both right," she said. "He's back that is what we need to focus on."

Her phone dinged. Prentiss looked at it and smiled.

"Garcia took this. He looks better," she said and showed it to the Alvez and Prentiss.

Simmons and Alvez both smiled.

Alvez raised his mug.

"Cheers to small victories," he said.

"To small victories," Simmons said.

"To small victories," Prentiss said. "With many more to come."


	6. Chapter 6

There are many things that kept me awake at night. This happened to be one of them.

Chapter Six:

Prentiss woke to her phone ringing at around two o'clock in the morning. It was Dr. Juno. This couldn't be good.

"Agent Prentiss," she said. "We need to initiate the red protocols."

"What happened?" Prentiss asked, fully awake now.

"The doctors wouldn't say, but apparently, he got violent. I am on my way over there now. I'll be flying with him and staying until he's comfortable."

Prentiss began to get dressed.

"I'll meet you at the hospital."

"Please don't, Agent Prentiss," Juno said. "He wouldn't want you to see him like this."

"Like what? I'm his friend."

"He's not who you think he is right now. Please meet us at the airstrip."

It seemed arguing with the doctor would be a waste of resources.

"I'll wake Agent Jareau," Prentiss said.

"No one else," she said. "I don't think he can handle being around men right now."

"Okay," she said. "Text me when you're on the way to the airstrip."

"I will," Juno said. "Thank you for understanding."

Prentiss hung and realized there were tears in her eyes. She couldn't imagine what Hell Reid was in right now.

…

He was cold and terrified. Uris was back.

"_You really thought you could escape me animal? You're nothing! You don't deserve clothes! You sick animal. I'll teach you a lesson!"_

"NO!" Reid screamed. "NO!"

"The ocean is wide and vast. The waves crash gently against the shore. The sun peaks above the horizon as the ocean gently ripples."

His pulse slowed and he relaxed slightly.

"Who's there?" Reid asked.

"Open your eyes, Dr. Reid."

Juno was standing in front of him as he curled up in ball in a corner. He looked around. The room was in complete disarray. Waste bins were over turned. Needles spread everywhere. Even the hospital bed had been moved to the front of the doorway. He was also wearing nothing.

She picked up a sheet.

"May I?"

He nodded, and she gave it to him. Reid covered himself up.

"Did I do all this?"

She nodded.

"How?"

"You had a psychotic break," she said. "I am guessing you thought Uris was here doing everything to you, when in fact it was you."

Reid moaned. He had been so scared. Now, he had reason to be afraid of himself.

"Dr. Reid I think, you know what this means," Juno said.

"I need to go into a psychiatric a facility," he said.

"I'm going to give you a strong, fast-acting sedative. I'll be there when you wake up. I promise."

"I'm sorry," Reid said.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Dr. Reid," she said. "Uris did this to you and none of how you are reacting is unusual."

"I did so well yesterday," he said.

"Setbacks are normal," Juno said. "Are you ready?"

He offered his arm.

"You'll be back in DC when you wake up," she said. "Try to take comfort in knowing that."

Reid didn't say anything. He felt too ashamed of the destruction he caused. He truly could not trust his own mind.

Juno injected him with the sedative. Then she sat down and held him he drifted off into nothingness.

…

Prentiss hated seeing Reid knocked out. His expression was grim. Never had she felt so helpless.

The jet had been retrofitted to act as hospital transport the day after they flew in. Juno, a doctor, and a nurse would be flying with her and J.J.

"He's all set," Juno said.

Prentiss and J.J. boarded the jet.

"How is he?" J.J. asked.

"The sedation treatment is holding up well," Juno said. "He should be out of it the rest of the flight."

J.J. and Prentiss kept staring at Reid as an oxygen mask was put on him. Prentiss couldn't help but notice how thin he was still. It was almost like looking at a different person.

Nobody spoke as the plane made it's ascent. Once they were cruising altitude, Prentiss asked:

"What happens now?"

"We take him to the facility selected for him," she said. "I'd estimate he'll be there for at least six month and then become an out-patient for an additional six months."

"That seems like a long time," J.J. said.

"Not really," Juno said. "Most victims of this sort of captivity spend up to a year. I remain optimistic as he has shown willingness to talk about his captivity and made great strides during the first few days."

"Will we be able to visit him?" Prentiss asked.

"Not at first," she said. "It is essential that they get a proper diagnosis and treatment regimen established. Then visitors can come if he wants them."

"Why wouldn't he want them?" J.J. asked.

"What happened to him was of extremely, intimate violent, nature," Juno said. "Talking about it to friends won't be easy. He is going to need time process what happened on his own and may not want visitors immediately."

"He seemed fine with us visiting at the hospital," Prentiss said.

"There are differences," Juno said. "He was there because he was physically injured, now he is in a setting to heal mentally."

"He doesn't know his mother died," J.J said quietly.

"It will all be addressed in a safer setting," she said. "I know you feel as though this isn't right because you remember Dr. Reid before he became a victim, but he has changed. I do believe we can get him back to being comfortable in the outside world again. I have faith and I have hope."

J.J. looked to Prentiss.

"How'd you leave it with Garcia?" she asked.

"I'm having Rossi tell her when she wakes up," Prentiss said.

"She is not going to be happy."

"She would have tried to go to hospital and then the airstrip. I know she means well, but I don't think I could handle her constant nervous chatter."

"I'm going to give you guidelines for how to speak to him," Juno said. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Is this what you do?" J.J. asked. "Travel the country, treating captivity victims?"

"I generally don't transport patients," she said. "But yes, I am part of a select team of specialists who work with those who have experienced the worst trauma."

Prentiss looked out the window. The sun was just starting to peak above the clouds. Maybe things would get better for Reid in the future. But Prentiss had a feeling, things would get worse, first.


	7. Chapter 7

A word of unrelated advice: Don't wait a decade to get your teeth cleaned. If I am more distracted than usual, it is because I have a sore mouth.

Chapter Seven:

Reid woke up in a bed. To his surprise, there were no restraints and he felt clothing between his legs. He looked to his right and saw Juno was reading a tablet.

"How do you feel?" she asked when she saw he was awake.

"Disoriented," he said. "Why am I wearing clothes?"

"It's a different treatment," she said. "You can take off what ever feels constricting, but for now you get to wear clothes. How does that make you feel?"

He thought for a moment as he felt the fabric everywhere. This wasn't the basement; this was the real world. It was hard to describe.

"Human," he said finally.

"Good answer," she said.

A woman with dark curly hair and dark skin in her early forties appeared.

"Dr. Reid," she said. "I'm Doctor Shelby Ormes. I'll be the lead doctor on your team. Would you like some vanilla pudding?"

Reid was shocked.

"I haven't had processed sugar in years," he said.

"A cup shouldn't hurt you."

Reid looked at the sky through the window.

"Isn't it breakfast time?"

"But you had a long journey," she said with a smile. "You deserve a treat."

"I came with him," Juno said playfully. "Can I have some?"

"You certainly can," she said. "How about it, Dr. Reid?"

"Sure," he said.

"I'll take it," she said.

"Are you related to Jackie Ormes the cartoonist?"

Her smile broadened.

"I heard you were a genius, before you came here, but I didn't quite know what to expect. Nope, but I wish. I'll get you some pudding."

She disappeared.

"Ormes was born Zelda Mavin Jackson," Reid said. "I would have been shocked if there was a relationship."

Juno smiled.

"You're showing hints of your old self, Dr. Reid. I can see it. There's a spark in your eyes that wasn't there even three days ago."

"Even though I also trashed a hospital room twelve hours ago?"

"Don't sell yourself short, Dr. Reid. Setbacks are to be expected and here you'll be in an environment for healing mentally."

"What is the name of this place?" he asked.

"The Mercer Institute," she said.

He gasped. "I had my mom on a waiting list for here. How'd you get me in?"

"You are a very special case that needs specialized care," she said.

Ormes appeared with pudding.

"It is a paint to get these things open," she said. "I brought one for me too."

Using a remote, Juno moved the bed so he was upright. Ormes was careful not to touch his hand as she gave him the pudding and a spoon. He spooned out some and brought it to his tongue. It tasted delicious.

"This is good pudding," Juno said. "I didn't a see a brand name."

"I don't know where they get it in bulk from but I love it and the patients do too. It's one of those things you always want to ask about but forget to when the opportunity comes up."

Reid carefully savored every spoonful.

"There's more where that came from," Ormes said. "How about we get some protein in you and then more pudding. How do you like your eggs?"

"Scrambled," Reid said.

"Good," she said. "I'll order you some breakfast while Dr. Juno helps you get settled."

Reid looked around. The walls were a soothing cream color. The lighting wasn't as intense. There was a chair and a desk. It felt like something more than a hospital room.

"What do you think of this living situation?" Juno asked.

"I think I'll be okay here," he said.

…

Rossi was taking a coffee break at the sheriff's station with Simmons.

"How mad is Garcia?" Simmons asked.

"I sent Alvez and Lewis to calm her down," he said. "I've never heard her swear before."

"She feeling very protective of Reid right now," Simmons said. "It must have hurt hearing that he was whisked away at night."

"I know," Rossi said. "Which is why I'm not taking her anger personally."

A woman walked through the door. There were rings under her eyes like she hadn't slept well.

"Can we help you?" Rossi asked.

She stared at him for a second.

"You're David Rossi. I saw clips of you pleading for the return of your coworker online. I'm Lacey Trent, Jake's ex-wife. Did your coworker know him?"

"Let's take this to some place more private," Rossi said.

Spall saw them and waved them into his office.

"I'm Sheriff Spall," he said. "We spoke on the phone."

"How long has my husband been dead?" she asked numbly as she sat down.

"Two years," he said.

"I told our daughter that he married a Moroccan princess and the rules of the land dictated that he could never return to the US. I told her that story so many times I started to believe it. I initially thought he had run off with some woman. I never thought he'd be dead."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Spall said.

She turned to Rossi.

"Do you know if your coworker has said anything about my ex-husband?"

"He told us to tell you that Jake said he never stopped missing you or your daughter for a single second."

"Oh, god," she cried.

Spall gave her a tissue box.

"I hated him for so long," she cried. "When we were married, he'd cheat on me constantly until I had enough when Cass was three, I threw him out and changed the locks. Then he goes missing a year later and part of me was still mad at him."

"Nothing you've said is wrong," Rossi said.

"But why does it feel that way?" she sobbed.

"You didn't know," Rossi said.

"How'd he die?" she asked.

"Ma'am, he died from injuries sustained while in captivity," Spall said.

She cried harder.

"So, he suffered!"

Rossi sat down and put and arm around her. She sobbed into his shoulder. At that moment he realized, no matter how bad Reid was doing mentally, he needed to be grateful his friend was alive.


	8. Chapter 8

I don't know if I'll update tomorrow so, Happy Thanksgiving! My brother and I made a deal: I don't have to cook, and he gets to watch the football game at a bar where our team will most likely get creamed. So, I'm eating Turkey dinner at a bar! Our only other options were a cousin, whose mom has dementia and doesn't know my mom is dead, and my mom's sister whose husband isn't racist, but lacks a filter. We're scouting better options for Christmas.

Chapter Eight:

Nick appeared in Calvin's office in the morning.

"A care assistant told several sources, including us, that Spencer Reid got violent last night and thought he was being attacked by John Uris, when it was in fact it was him attacking the nurses and barricading the door with a hospital bed."

"When did he tell people?" Calvin asked urgently.

"About five minutes ago," he said.

Calvin checked her watch.

"It's ten o'clock, most shows are still doing happy talk. We don't have much time. Get me on the phone with every breaking news network anchor, now!" she said.

"Aren't you taking this a little personally?" Nick asked.

"Save the lecture and please get me on the phone with every station or I'll do it myself," she said angrily.

"You got it boss," he said.

Five precious minutes later, Gwen was teleconferencing with six news station anchors.

"My fellow colleagues, we cannot ruin a man's life by sharing the information given to us by the hospital assistant."

"You really think we should hold valuable details from the public?" an anchor asked.

"Lenny, these details are not relevant to the public. This is a man trying to recover from extreme trauma. We share it and when he is able to return to the real world, no one will look at him the same way again."

"The care assistant may go to the papers and websites," another anchor said. "Then we'd look like we're behind the times."

"Which is why I emailed, every major publisher and webmaster, along with a dozen small print ones, to not publish any leaks from the care assistant."

"Why do you care so much about this story?" one anchor asked.

"Because if this was a woman, we wouldn't even consider sharing this information!" she said. "The trauma men and women go through should be reported on equally."

"I still don't like the idea of not sharing the information with the public," another anchor said.

"Think of your colleagues abroad," she said. "Think of how many of them were treated. There have been cases where women were raped. Who reported it? Not some leakers, but the reporters themselves and statements put out by the networks. If we continue to resort to sharing information only shared to us for personal gain, that we are only hurting the victims more."

"You make a compelling a case," one anchor said. "We need to maintain standards. I'm prepared to not share what has been leaked. Who else?"

Slowly, everyone agreed.

"What do we say then?" an anchor asked.

"That Spencer Reid was transferred over night to a facility in DC where he is seeking long-term treatment," she said. "Those are the facts put out by the hospital when I called."

"That sounds fine," one anchor said.

"How about 'there have been unverified reports about what led to the overnight transfer that hospital refused to comment on?'"

"I'd keep it simpler," Calvin said. "But that'll do."

"I think we all have shows to do," another anchor said.

Everyone then proceeded to sign off.

Calvin let out a sigh of relief. Slowly, she walked back to her office. Nick appeared.

"Do you have a crush on the guy?" he asked.

She waved her hand with an engagement ring on it.

"I only want what's right," she said.

"You're going out of your way to do so," he said.

"Someone has to look out for the victim when everyone else is looking for personal gain."

"Okay," he said slowly.

"I'll see you at the staff meeting," Calvin said.

"See you," he said.

Calvin sat back and sighed again. Maybe she was a little infatuated with Spence Reid. But she loved Chris. An infatuation was an infatuation, nothing more.

…

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me Agent Prentiss," William said.

"You're welcome," she said.

"Thank you also for alerting me that he was in DC. I booked a flight to DC earlier as I didn't want to overwhelm him by traveling to West Virginia when I heard the news."

"I think the news stations just got wind of it," she said. "Luckily they shouldn't know where he is staying."

"We can hope," he said.

There was a pause in the conversation.

"Did he ask about me?" he said.

"I'm sure you saw the news story about him being sedated as he was overstimulated," she said. "Honestly, he was out of it a lot of the time we visited."

"So, he didn't," he said.

"He didn't ask about his mom either," she said.

"It's going to break him when he finds out she died."

"The therapists are working on how to tell him," she said.

"Can I visit him?" he asked.

"I'll bring it up when I see him," she said. "Right now, my team isn't even allowed to see him as their working on getting him acclimated to the new setting."

William took a deep breath.

"Agent Prentiss, I know you must not think highly of me as it relates to how I treated my son and I understand that. Spencer reached a point where he tolerated my presence in recent years. I sent him letters in prison and he wrote back a couple times thanking me. I want to be there for him as much as he wants me to be there."

"I understand Mr. Reid," she said. "We'll work on something and see where things go from there."

"That's all I ask for Agent Prentiss. Thank you," he said and offered his hand.

Prentiss shook it. "Spencer needs all the help he can get and if your presence helps, then let's see what happens."

"I appreciate it," he said. "I truly do."


	9. Chapter 9

My team won! We're having our first half-way decent season, in twenty years, not counting the dumb luck we had two years ago.

Chapter Nine:

Reid met with Ormes and Juno in Ormes' office. It featured a variety of African art and live plants.

"I'm going to have nutritionist come in and speak with you after you've been here a couple days," Ormes said. "You were on a bland diet at the hospital. Is there anything you'd like us to avoid giving you?"

"Plain chicken and venison," he said. "I ate mostly deer and chicken. He'd make me kill the chicken as I hate killing animals and he got a laugh out of it. I stopped crying over it towards the end."

"One thing that has us slightly puzzled is your teeth," Juno said. "The dentist said, with the exception of a little tooth decay, they were in fine shape. How is that?"

"Uris was a compulsive neat freak," he said. "He'd sterilize the blades before stabbing me. He checked my entire body regularly for lice. Even after a night of drunken abuse, he'd come back and clean me up along with my companion. He'd have me brush my teeth at least once a day. The bucket I used for toilet, he emptied but would make me scrub it clean. In the spring he'd make me clean the basement. He did all of this to keep me alive."

"Why do you think he wanted to keep you alive more than the others?" Juno asked.

"I survived because I took it," he said with tears in his eyes. "I didn't fight back often, because I couldn't. He liked having a submissive around to beat up whenever he'd like."

"That's enough for today," Ormes said. "Tomorrow we're going to get you into see a psychiatrist to get you on some medication. Then we're going arrange for you to take some art therapy classes. Finally, Juno and I are going to meet with you for some therapy. Does that sound good?"

"That sounds fine," Reid said. "Now can you answer a question for me?"

"We can try," Juno said.

"Is my mom dead?"

Neither woman spoke. He could see the question in their eyes.

"Uris nearly killed me once last year I believe," he said. "He had choked me so badly for tipping over the bucket, I blacked out and saw a vision of my mom. She told it wasn't my time yet and I found Uris starting CPR."

"I'm sorry Dr. Reid," Juno said.

"I also figured someone would have brought her at some point. No one did. I had a feeling the subject was being avoided."

"What about your father?" Ormes asked.

"Our relationship, while it has improved over the last decade, remains strained. I'd be okay with a single visit and letters, but not much more at this point."

"Understandable," Juno said.

"Is there anything in your room you'd like right now?" Ormes asked.

"Beethoven," Reid said. "Uris listened to eighties heavy metal and sometime attacked me to the rhythm."

"That can be arranged," Ormes said. "How about books, movies, and TV?"

"Uris was also a cinephile," Reid said. "He'd constantly quote movies at me. The Shining was his favorite along with Casablanca. I'm not in the mood for movies, but I miss Doctor Who and Star Trek."

"Any favorite subject for books?" Ormes asked.

"New advances in behavioral profiling," Reid said. "I know I'm not going back to my old job, but I want to learn what has been developed during the three years I went missing."

"Last year, Rossi published a book and dedicated it to you," Juno said. "I'll get you a copy."

Reid began to shake. It had been too much sharing. He felt exposed. The room darkened.

"_You'll never get out of here alive!"_

"The sun sets over a field of wheat. A gentle wind causes ripples among the stalks."

Reid looked up at the two women.

"Let's get you out of here," Juno said.

Ormes held the door for them and they walked out. They saw no one. Reid watched his steps and focused on getting back to his room. He then collapsed onto his bed.

"It will get easier," Juno said.

"I know," Reid said. "When it the big question though."

"Have faith Dr. Reid," she said. "That is all you can do."

…

Prentiss spoke with Juno later that day.

"He's settled in fine," Juno said. "He and the leader of his treatment team seem to get along well."

"That's good," Prentiss said.

"I'm afraid I can't say much more," Juno said. "In West Virginia I was speaking with you in the context of an investigation. I can only answer questions that relate directly to Uris unless Dr. Reid gives me consent to speak with you."

"Understood," Prentiss said. "Thank you for the update."

Prentiss hung up. There was a knock on her door. She opened it to see Garcia. Her hair was slightly messy and clothes weren't on straight.

"Have a seat, Garcia," Prentiss said.

"Alvez and Lewis calmed me down," she said. "But I'd still like an explanation from you as to why I was cut out of getting Boy Wonder home."

"Garcia, he isn't Boy Wonder anymore," Prentiss said. "He's an abuse victim and needs to be treated as such."

"I know but-"

"Garcia, I don't even know what led to the request for him being transferred over-night. I volunteered J.J. and Dr. Juno said no one else could come."

"Why didn't you volunteer me?" she asked tearfully.

"Because, I needed someone who has dealt directly with trauma victims. Even though, he was asleep during the plane ride, he could have woken up and he needed someone who could calm him down."

"Are you saying I'm not qualified to look after Reid's needs?" she said.

"Yes," Prentiss said. "Garcia, you are excellent at many things, but handling emotionally-charged situations is not one of them."

"I see," she said. "Have a good day, Agent Prentiss."

"Garcia-"

"Don't Garcia me," she said as she stood up. "You didn't trust me to handle Reid. That hurts. I'd do anything for him. I wish you could see that."

"I know, but there are situations you are not suited for," Prentiss said. "Don't take it personally."

"Rationally, I know you're being reasonable, but my heart is telling me you don't think I can handle being there for Reid and that hurts."

"I'm sorry," Prentiss said.

"I know you are," she said. "I just need time to process everything."

Garcia left and Prentiss sighed.

There was another knock on her door. She was half expecting Garcia, but instead it was Mendoza.

"I've missed you," he said kissing her on the cheek. "I brought takeout in case you have to stay much later."

Prentiss smiled.

"You truly are, my hero."


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Ten:

"Did he suffer?" Nicole Uris asked.

"I'm sorry. Yes," the coroner said as Simmons watched.

She had streaky blond hair, and a slight stoop in the way she moved.

"I supposed he deserved it," she said. "It still is sad seeing him like this."

"When were you last in contact with your cousin?"

"About six months ago," she said. "He always calls to say happy birthday, and promised that he was doing okay living off the land, as I worried about him."

"Let's get a cup of coffee," Simmons said.

"I don't have much family Agent Simmons," she said. "I know he made a lot of enemies, but I had a soft spot for the time when our families would go to the movies together and he'd be quoting them when we ate dinner."

"We're trying to find out why he quit practicing medicine," Simmons said.

"He was having an affair with one of his patients," she said. "He told me he didn't know the husband had money to hunt him down. That's why he chose to live off the land. Or so he told me."

"Did he have any other relationships?"

"A couple girlfriends and I know he got rejected at a couple gay clubs," she said. "He was bi-curious more than anything to my knowledge. The last time I saw him was at a café in Richmond four years ago. He admitted he liked living off the land and preferred to stay that way. I asked he was ever lonely, and he said he found ways to keep himself company. I didn't know what he meant by that and I now I wish I had paid attention more."

"You didn't know, Miss. Uris," Simmons said.

"How do you not know your first cousin is a monster?" she asked.

"You'd be surprised how often we see situations where the family doesn't realize a relative has such instincts."

"I think I'm going to need to change my name," she said. "People are already asking and then I get these terrible looks like I'm a monster too."

"I'm sorry, Miss Uris," Simmons said.

"I know," she said. "I hope your friend recovers."

"Thank you, Ma'am."

Spall appeared.

"I need you to sign some paperwork before I can transfer the body."

"I'm having him cremated," she said. "Then I'm going to give the ashes to a distant cousin who will burry him at sea. He'll never know the joy of living on the land again."

"Whatever brings you peace," Simmons said.

…

"No one told me you were such an artist," Genevieve Jetta said.

He painted faces. Garcia's glasses. Prentiss's sharp lines. The creases in Rossi. The tone of Lewis's skin. Simmons' cheekbones. Alvez's nose. J.J.'s eyes.

"Tell me what these are about," she said.

"I'd draw their faces in the dirt sometimes," he said. "I'd try to get the details right. I was afraid they were going to fade from my mind if I didn't."

"They're beautiful," she said. "And they're all smiling."

"I miss them," he said. "I think some team members are working on the investigation. I know I wasn't alone on that plane. When can I see my friends again?"

"We want you to get comfortable here first," she said. "When I meet with your other counselors, I'll make sure to tell them it is a priority."

He looked at their faces.

"Please do."

…

The next day, Prentiss gathered the entire team in the conference room. Garcia remained at a distance from her.

"I think the big question is why," Prentiss said. "Why was Reid chosen?"

"He was a victim of convenience," Rossi said. "The other three men were too. Each were having a car trouble when he blitz attacked them."

"I'm convinced there's at least one more victim before Reid," Simmons said. "He was very organized in the way he abused him."

"He practiced general medicine," Lewis said. "I got ahold of a past receptionist who said he was quiet and kept to himself."

"A couple past male patients contacted us," Alvez said. "They said Uris seemed to take pleasure in feeling them up and didn't go back."

"John Uris was a man with homoerotic fantasies, who projected them on to his patients, until he was forced to go off the grid after he was found having an affair with a patient," Prentiss said.

"I don't quite understand the affair though," Lewis said. "Most unsubs either choose men or women."

Garcia darted out.

"I've got this," J.J. said and followed her.

"It is odd," Rossi said.

"Simmons is right," Prentiss said. "There's got to be one more victim out there. I think we need fresh eyes on the case. The new IRT is due home tomorrow. Does anyone object to handing the case over to them?"

"I still have friends there," Simmons said. "I trust them."

"I have known the unit chief for years," Rossi said.

No one else raised objections.

"I want all data on the case double-secured," Prentiss said. "So, help anyone if footage of Reid gets leaked."

…

Calvin ran through the rain at two o'clock in the morning. Shakily, she threw her pass card in to get to the station.

It was a twenty-four-hour news network, but at this hour the only thing playing were old tapings of murder mysteries. The newsroom was a skeleton crew run off of coffee and experience. No one glanced at her as she rushed through.

There was light on in Nick's office. She knocked.

"What the Hell, Calvin?" he said.

"Did you forget that my background is cyber hacking?" she said dangerously. "My father worked on the precursor to the World Wide Web. For someone with my background, how hard did you think it was for me to plant a keyword bug on video files relating to Spencer Reid that came from the West Virginia?"

"Do you know how much I paid for that video!?" he said. "Most of it is too graphic to show, but some of it just needs a little careful editing."

"Why'd you do it Nick?" she asked. "You know I don't like this s**t!"

"Because I wanted to edit a package to show to the big bosses," he said. "Some people want more edge in their broadcast. They want grit and you won't show it!"

"I called Herzog on the way here," she said. "He doesn't like being woken, but you know what likes even less? Disloyalty."

"So, I'm fired?" he said.

"Oh, no, you're too much of a liability on your own. As of tomorrow, you're going to the AM show."

"I could quit," he said. "You don't know how many copies I have."

"I didn't just plant any ordinary bug on those keywords, Nick. I came down here to stall you. All your files were deleted ten seconds ago."

"You bitch!"

"Oh, and the FBI will be talking to you too," she said. "You see it is technically a gray area, in regards to what I just did, but you accessing confidential files, if you say you did this on your own, you're screwed. But if said you were doing this for the station, then you have some leverage, as the FBI always goes after the bigger fish. Have fun in the AM Nick."

Calvin walked away feeling more confident than when she arrived.

…

Prentiss heard Garcia crying in her office. She knocked.

"Enter."

"Garcia, what is it?"

"Five thousand is all Reid's privacy is worth," she said. "Five thousand bucks!"

"What?"

"The FBI found proof that a news producer paid for access to Reid's abuse videos."

"Oh, god," Prentiss said. "I feel like I jinxed it by suggesting it yesterday."

"The deputy claimed to have 'accidentally' made two copies while preparing for the data transfer. But there is an upside! The producer doesn't have the footage anymore!"

"How?" Prentiss asked.

"A data-eating bug was placed on the file," she said. "Do you know Gwen Calvin?"

"The PAX evening news anchor, sure."

"It took me a little time, but I traced it back to her," Garcia said.

"We owe her an exclusive then," she said.

"I need a hug," Garcia said. "I'm not really mad at you anymore Emily, I just feel all over the place."

Prentiss leaned over and hugged her.

"I know how you feel. We'll get through this, together."

"Because we're a family," she sniffled.

"Absolutely," Prentiss said.


	11. Chapter 11

I am always thrilled when I get fifty reviews. Thank you! This might have been up sooner if my rabbit hadn't gotten loose. Nearly every rabbit I've had has been an escape artist. She doesn't seem to mind the dog either and he is extremely jealous. But I digress. Enjoy!

Chapter Eleven:

Sometimes Calvin just liked to stretch her legs beyond the anchor desk. She decided to take a weekend trip down to West Virginian to get a handle on what Spencer Reid went through. Renting a heavy-duty pickup truck, she used the satellite navigation to get to where the cabin was located.

Calvin was glad she wore outdoor gear as the road quickly turned to mud. There was still evidence of police tape and where the bodies had presumably been dug up. She was careful to skirt the perimeter. Holstering a gun and her satellite phone, she went in.

This wasn't an official fact-finding mission, as she was breaking a few laws to access the crime scene. With lockpicks in hand, she accessed the cabin.

It was a small space. The bed was located in the center of the room with kitchenette to the side with a small sink. The bathroom was hardly bigger than an outhouse. Calvin noted that there was generator that seemed to be the source of power for the TV and lights. There were stacks of DVDs. Framed movie posters hung along the walls. It was a tight space.

Something felt off. She noticed most of the posters had dust on them but not Casablanca. She lifted it to reveal a two-way radio in a niche. Calvin carefully looked at it. There was a stamp for the Sheriff's department.

It suddenly explained everything. The leaks in the department. Why there weren't more bodies if Uris had gone under six years ago. The department was covering them up. Calvin had to get out of there now.

With her gun in hand, she raced through the woods to her car. A sheriff's vehicle was already there. Putting it behind her back, she decided to play naïve reporter.

A man she recognized as Sheriff Spall appeared.

"What are you doing all the way out here Ms. Calvin?" he asked.

"Trying to get perspective on a piece I'm working on," she said.

"I hope you didn't access the cabin, otherwise I'd have to bring you in," he said.

"I only checked the perimeter," she said. "Why would I risk my reputation to break into a cabin?"

"I hope you found what you were looking for," he said. "Now why don't I escort you back to the main road?"

"Yes, sir," she said.

Calvin got in the truck and began to drive. The sheriff stuck close to her. Then one of her tires started to fail. Her heart started racing. She was going to be abducted.

She slowed to a stop and sheriff walked up to her car. Calvin slammed to door into him, knocking him over. Grabbing her gun, she stepped out.

"Why'd you cover for John Uris?" she demanded. "Why?"

"He paid us well to look the other way," he said.

"Is the hospital in on it too?"

"Why would I tell you?"

"I have gun on you and I'm not afraid to use it," she said.

He tried to trip her, but she jumped out of the way. She turned around and found him trying to get up. She shot him the shoulder.

"The hospital was in on it, you bitch," he said. "They provided the drugs and bandages."

"Where are the other bodies?" she asked.

"Deeper in the park," he said. "They were his test run before we got him set up in a proper cabin."

Retrieving her satellite phone. She ran to the sheriff's car.

"I had my radio on the whole time," he said. "You won't get far!"

She got in and turned around. Calvin drove into the park at a high speed. Once she was far enough away, she called Nick.

"Nick, I need your help," she said.

"I never thought I'd ever here those words from you," he said.

"Now is not a good time for joking around," she said. "You know how it seemed like the sheriff's department and hospital seemed to have more leaks than the Titanic? That is because they've been enabling Uris for the last six years and getting paid well for it!"

"What do you need me to do?" he asked.

"Did the Feds give you a business card, to call them if you felt like talking?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Call them and ask for Emily Prentiss. Tell them what I've told you. They should find a paper trail backing my story. Give them the number for this satellite phone."

"Okay," he said.

"Can I trust you Nick?"

"Gwen, we have differences of opinion about what to share with the public. I don't want to see you killed. I'll do everything I can to get you to safety."

"Thanks, Nick, I owe you."

"Stay safe Gwen," he said and hung up.

Calvin drove for another mile in a zigzagging pattern. The ride was extremely bumpy and she was terrified of getting a flat. She opened the trunk and found an emergency kit complete with food, water, a flashlight, flares, rope, jumper cables, and a space blanket. Calvin took everything but the jumper cables.

She made several false paths around the woods as it got dark. The adrenaline was starting to fade. Grateful that she grew up in a yard with giant trees, she climbed one and tied herself to a branch. It began to rain hard. She covered herself with the space blanket. After taking a couple sips of water forcing down a trail bar, Calvin felt spent.

…

"GWEN!" she heard some screaming. "GWEN!"

It was a cacophony of people screaming her name in the early sunlight. She looked down and saw a man of Asian descent. He was FBI, she knew. Calvin was safe.

"I'M HERE!" she screamed.

She nearly fell out of the tree. The man caught her before she fell to the ground completely.

"OVER HERE!" he shouted.

The woman she knew as Emily Prentiss appeared.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Just cold, tired, and hungry," she said. "What about the sheriff's department?"

"You got lucky," Prentiss said. "They called off the search due to the rain. The State troopers are taking over and working with FBI."

"Did you find the other bodies?" she asked.

Prentiss nodded.

"I'll tell you on the way back to the command center. Let's get you cleaned up."

Calvin let herself be led away from what could have been a much worse nightmare.


	12. Chapter 12

I wouldn't recommend my dentist to anyone, but he was nice enough to fill in the gap between my two front teeth, which I thought was impossible without orthodontia. So, I'm in a good mood for now.

Chapter Twelve:

He couldn't get clean the blood off. It was everywhere. Uris kept telling him bad things would happen if didn't scrub every last bit of Morton's blood off of himself.

"Dr. Reid."

He looked to see Juno in the bathroom with him.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"The blood," he said. "The blood won't come off. Can't you see it?" he pleaded. "If I don't get all of Morton's blood off, Uris will punish me badly."

"Uris is dead, Dr. Reid," she said. "Look in the mirror."

"I can't," he said. "Not until all the blood is gone."

"There is a field of endless white snow," she said calmly. "There are hints of animal tracks on it. The hops of a bunny. The wide gait of a fox. A gentle wind ripples across and lifts some of the fine powdery snow off the surface and shifts it around."

Reid sat on the bathroom floor. He looked at his chest. There was no blood.

Juno hunched down beside him.

"How do I stop?" he pleaded. "How do I stop reliving these horrible events?"

"You're reliving them because they are horrible and you don't have many recent good ones," she said.

He realized he was naked in front of Juno and grabbed a towel.

"You don't need to be modest around me," she said.

"But I need to for myself," he said. "I spent most of three years without clothes."

"You rubbed yourself pretty hard in some areas," she said. "Let me page a nurse to get some lotion."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Never apologize for what Uris did to you," she said. "None of this is your fault."

Reid was left alone. He felt nothing but anger and humiliation over what happened. He had to do better. He just had to.

…

"This is quite dark," Jetta said.

He wasn't feeling creative today. Reid filled the canvass with red.

"You'd don't have to talk about it," Jetta said gently.

"After he'd cut me on the ribs, not deeply enough to hit vital organs, just enough to hurt all I would see was blood. It began to take shapes like clouds in my mind. I missed seeing clouds. I missed the seeing the sky."

"Dr. Reid another thing that has us puzzled is how you survived with out sunlight for so long."

"Vitamin D tablets, and occasionally he brought down a sun lamp," he said. "I missed the real thing though, and I avoided the sun most of my adult life because of the risk of skin cancer."

"You'll have access to as much sunlight here as you want," she said. "I promise."

"Thank you."

Reid looked at the painting. He could almost see patterns, if he wanted to.

…

"Is this what I think it is?" Reid asked as he looked at his plate at lunch time.

"It's not as spicy, but yes it," Ormes said. "It's tandoori chicken."

He took a bite and it was divine. It tasted like the past when he'd order out. It tasted like when he'd drag his team out for Indian, even though he could tell Rossi hated it. It tasted like home.

"Thank you," he said.

Ormes smiled.

"I'm glad you like it."

…

He met with Ormes and Juno together.

"Would you like to talk about what happened over the weekend?" Ormes asked.

"Not really," he said.

"You gave the weekend team quite a scare," Juno said. "Even vertical scratching is taken very seriously here."

"Which is why my nails got filed down," he said without looking at either of them. "I wasn't trying to kill myself. I thought I was trapped in Uris's cabin again and wanted out."

"We're trying to get those mental flashbacks under control with medication," Ormes said. "But it is going to take time for them to work their way into your system. For now, we can treat you with small doses of Ativan to calm you down."

"I've trained the staff, to try to use meditation techniques, I've taught you to help you snap out of it," Juno said. "It looks like my voice is the only one that's been effective so far. I'll try to leave recordings."

"Rationally I know what is wrong with me," Reid said. "I'm recovering from a series of traumatic events and can't control everything. Irrationally I just want to scream into oblivion."

"Maybe these might help," Ormes said.

She pulled out a thick stack of letters. He could see what could only be Garcia's hot pink envelope. There were more than there were members of the team.

"Who are the others from?" he asked.

"One from you father," she said. "Three from the families of the men you were with. Another from your mother's doctor. And one from an Aaron Hotchner."

"Did you open them?" he asked.

"We thought we could read them together," Juno said.

"One question that has been nagging me for while though," he said. "Did Jennifer Jareau have cancer recently?"

The two women stared at him.

"Her hair looked thinner compared to the last time I saw her," he said. "I tried to remember the details."

"Breast cancer," Juno said. "She's in full remission."

"Dr. Reid, you are truly remarkable," Ormes said.

"I'm just observant," he said with a shrug.

…

Juno helped him hang the cards around his room with tape. They added more color to the room, particularly Garcia's as it featured a rainbow on it.

"When do you think I can see them in real life?" he asked.

"In a couple days," she said. "We want to see you try to make a little more progress and the first days of the week are always tough as they involve getting you back into the rhythm of seeing your regular doctors. This week though, I promise."

"Okay," he said.

"You know, you're welcome to the group room if you're tired of being alone," she said.

"I'm okay for now," he said.

"What are you going to do after dinner?" she asked.

"Read," he said. "I'm getting back to my regular speed quicker than I thought I would."

"I'm glad we planned for you to go through stacks of books the way you have," she said.

"I also like to listen to Beethoven," he said. "The music is so soothing."

"You really are making progress, Dr. Reid," Juno said. "I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are."

"You're right," he said, looking at his nails. "It doesn't."

"You will," Juno said. "I promise."

"If you say so," he said.


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you as always for the support!

Chapter Thirteen:

Nick knocked on the side of Calvin's open door.

"We're even," he said.

"How so?" she asked.

"You've been making me sound like the hero of the whole story to the AM team. I wasn't the one who slept in a tree to avoid getting killed by a bunch of corrupt law enforcement agents."

"You made the calls to make sure the FBI came to my rescue," she said. "You are a hero in some ways."

"It's not exactly accurate," he said.

"What's this really about Nick?" she asked.

Nick took a seat in front of her desk and sighed.

"The fact that you were right," he said. "I reviewed some of the darkest pieces of that footage and I can't stop having nightmares."

"I never doubted the fact that he went through some unspeakably horrible things," she said. "It's our job to inform the public in a way that doesn't further harm the victims."

"I always saw him as the subject of a piece not, as a human being," Nick said. "Now that I have, let's just say I'm glad you sent me to the AM."

"I understand the FBI is willing to drop the charges, if you make full restitution, and promise to never access confidential files again."

"I plan on it," he said. "How are they not ready to murder every person who enabled the torture of their friend? I don't even know the guy, and I'm ready to get a torch and pitchfork."

"They're focusing on caring for their friend," Calvin said. "To get angry is a waste of energy they could be using elsewhere."

"Let's talk about Spencer Reid," he said. "You're in love with him."

"I am not," she said, waving her hand with the ring on it in front of him.

"If the office gossip is correct, the only reason Christ gave you that ring was to solidify that bond before he went undercover in South America for half a year starting last month. Connie told me he was harassing you with phone calls even during broadcasts."

"That's just gossip," she said dismissively.

"Gwen, remember that piece we did on facial expressions? Your smiles never reach your eyes when you talk about Chris."

"Since when did you become a profiler?" she asked.

"He's not good enough for you Gwen," Nick said. "Go for Spencer Reid."

"You're nuts Nick. Am I infatuated with him? Yes. But love, no."

"What's his IQ?" he asked.

"I can rattle off facts about him because I know the case," she said.

"Who's Maeve Donovan?"

"How do you know that?" she asked.

"You asked me to get something on the Donelly story out of your filing cabinet and I found what happened to Maeve. You dug deep on this guy."

"Okay, let's say I'm in love with him," she said. "What do I do? I doubt he is even capable of feeling sparks with the amount of suffering he is processing."

"Ask Emily Prentiss for a visitor's pass when the time is right," he said. "Then let him decide if he wants to see you again."

"Oh, this is ridiculous," Calvin said.

"I know you want to meet him."

"Why are you so invested in my personal life? You only called me a bitch, five days ago."

"I was angry then. Now I feel like because I helped save you like, like I need to look out for you. I'm also nosy as Hell."

"Shouldn't you be home by now?"

"I have to go to bed early, but at least my evenings are free and I'm not on call twenty-four/seven."

"See you around Nick," she said.

He stood up.

"Don't forget about asking to visit Spencer Reid."

"I won't," she said.

…

"That's great news, Dr. Juno," she said over the phone. "I'll tell Garcia and we'll meet with you tomorrow first."

She hung up and heard a knock on her door.

"Come in," she said.

Cruz appeared.

"How can I help you chief Cruz?" Prentiss asked.

"I'm just checking in," he said as he sat down. "You've had an eventful, couple weeks."

"I'm happy Reid is back," she said.

"You also uncovered another small corrupt community," he said.

"The reporter from PAX did that," she said. "I can't believe we missed what was under our noses."

"That's partly on me," he said. "I should have sent a second unit down there. You were rightfully focused on finding out what Reid went through without considering the improbable idea that law enforcement might have been in on the abuse."

"Five hundred grand over six years buys a lot of privacy and resources," she said. "I just didn't get the slightest impression Spall was on the take."

"Don't beat yourself up over it, Emily," he said. "The other unit would have found what you missed eventually."

"I've been getting reports from Juno about Uris. He was obsessed with keeping Reid clean. Even his teeth. I still can't figure out why he kept Reid alive over the other men."

"There are no easy answers," he said. "I think you could use a break from the case."

"The IRT is handling most of it now," she said.

"I don't want to see you here past five for the next few days. Go on a date with that almost-husband of yours."

"Usually when a woman runs away from the altar in the movies, the man is devastated. Mendoza has been nothing but understanding."

"Take some time for yourself. You can't be there for Reid if you're not healthy, mentally and physically. That goes for the whole team."

"Maybe a meal at Rossi's in the future might not be a bad idea," she said.

"Whatever helps you bond and stay healthy."

"Thanks Cruz."

"There was one other thing I wanted to bring up. I think you should do an interview with PAX within the next two weeks to update everyone on how Reid is doing and the scope of the investigation."

"I was thinking about that as well," Prentiss said.

"Good. Have a good day Emily, and tell Reid I said hi the next time you see him."

"I will," she said.

Cruz left.

Prentiss picked up her phone.

"Andrew, how about Italian tonight?"


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Fourteen:

Reid nervously ran a brush through his hair. He looked at himself closely in the mirror. The scars on his face and neck were still visible. His eyes were dark, because he wasn't getting enough sleep, even with the medication he was on. Reid thought he looked haunted.

"Ready?" Ormes asked.

"Not really," he said.

"Seeing your friends will help with your progress," she said.

"I know, and I have wanted to see them for so long. Why am I nervous about seeing them now?"

"It's been about a week since you last saw them and you've been through a lot," Ormes said. "Its okay to be nervous."

"Let's go," he said.

"You look good," she said as they walked down the hall.

"Thanks," he said dully.

"You handled that facial hair trim remarkably well. Maybe next time we'll let you do it yourself."

"Sure," Reid said.

Ormes stopped.

"Dr. Reid, if you're not ready for this, it's okay. Everyone will understand."

He took a deep breath.

"No, I need to do this," he said.

"But do you want to?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Juno and I will be in the corner if you need us, okay?"

"Okay," Reid said.

They walked to the door. Ormes opened it and he saw Garcia and Prentiss sitting at a round table. Both looked happy to see him.

"_You don't have any friends anymore. They stopped looking for you. They gave up on you because who would want a filthy animal like you for a friend?"_

"Hey Reid," Garcia said. "Did you see the new Doctor is a Welsh ginger?"

"I did," Reid said. "I went through the box set over the past few days. It is cool that they have a female show runner."

He sat down with them.

"I wonder how long it takes for the alien companion to put on all that makeup?" Garcia asked.

"I'm just glad they finally have a companion who isn't from earth," Reid said.

"She's a real character," Garcia said.

Prentiss laughed.

"I don't know why I can't get into Doctor Who," Prentiss said. "Garcia even hosts viewing parties and I am just not into it."

"It's not for everyone," Reid said. "It is just fun to watch the heroes win in some places that doesn't exist."

"Have a you gotten around to seeing Picard?" Prentiss asked. "I've always had a thing for Patrick Stewart."

Reid smiled. "I didn't know that."

"Why do you think I never shut you down when you were discussing Star Trek?" she asked. "I love his voice."

He suddenly thought of the episode where Picard was stripped naked by the Cardascians and called human. Reid began to shake.

"Emily was on the verge of getting married when you called," Garcia said.

"Mendoza?" Reid said gripping the table for balance.

Prentiss nodded.

"My mom wanted me to ignore the call as we were running late for the ceremony," she said. "But J.J. picked it up."

"You were literally getting married when I called?" he said, as found his bearings. "I'm sorry I interrupted the ceremony."

"Don't be," Garcia said. "I heard the reception hall we were using had rotten food, but Emily liked the venue."

"I didn't know that," Prentiss said with a hint of annoyance. "What have we said about never lying to each other?"

"It was a lie of omission," she said.

"_Don't ever lie to me animal! If something hurts you say so! If you lie to me again, I'll show you what real pain looks like."_

"Admit you liked the color of the bridesmaid's dresses," Prentiss said.

"Mint-green isn't a really good color on me," she said.

"I've seen you wear every color of the rainbow," Prentiss said.

"I like some better than others," she said.

"Reid, you look great in every color I've seen you in," Garcia said.

"I don't like maroon," Reid said.

"I'll remember that when I go shopping for you," Garcia said.

"What was going to be your first dance?" Reid asked.

"Unforgettable," she said.

"Don't delay the wedding for me," he said. "I'm going to be here for a while."

"We haven't even discussed a new date," she said.

"Please, don't wait for me," he said. "I'm in good hands here. You deserve to walk down the aisle Emily, sometime in the near future."

"That is sweet of you, Spencer," Prentiss said.

"_Your name isn't Spencer Reid anymore! You're just a filthy, pathetic, animal! Get used to it or die!"_

"I was never called anything but an animal," Reid said shakily. "He called me filthy even after he scrubbed me with cold water. I was just an animal to him."

"Oh Reid," Garcia said.

"You're a smart brilliant man," Prentiss said. "You are the one of the best people I know. I love you Dr. Spencer Reid."

"I love you too Spencer," Garcia said.

Reid began to cry.

"I love you both," he said. "I am just so damaged. How will I feel whole again? How?"

"Juno and Ormes seen like great people," Prentiss said. "And I am not just saying that because they're in listening distance. I truly mean it. I believe in you Reid. The whole team does. Promise you'll try to believe in yourself for us?"

All he could do was nod as he began to choke on his tears.

"We'll see you again soon okay?" Garcia said. "I'm hugging you mentally."

"So am I," Prentiss said.

Juno appeared.

"I'll walk you back to your room," she said.

Reid stood up and followed Juno out of the room.

"I thought that went well," she said.

"I can't get his voice out of my head," he cried. "Why won't he leave me alone?"

"New situations are going to set off different triggers," Juno said. "I saw the way you shook and fought to stay in the conversation. I saw the way you looked like you were ready to run out the door, but didn't. You're fighting Dr. Reid. You may have felt like you lost, but you didn't."

He went into his room and collapsed on his bed.

"Garcia made this and I don't see the harm in giving it to you. Prentiss also sent this to give to you."

Reid looked at the photo. It was BAU reunion photo. Blake was holding a child. Callahan was standing next to one. Morgan had a little girl in his arms. Everyone was smiling.

"Tape it where I can see it right here," Reid said.

"And Garcia sent this," she said.

It was a knitted alien doll that looked like the companion in Doctor Who. Reid took it and held it close to himself. Soon, he was asleep after an emotionally exhausting day.


	15. Chapter 15

This chapter is kind of dark is all I'll say.

Chapter Fifteen:

All Iris wanted was to smoke on the roof of Mercer in peace. Fate had other plans as she saw Mercer's newest "famous patient" stripping naked on the edge. She stepped out from behind a utility box.

"Hello," she said mildly.

"Don't come any closer!" he shouted.

"I'm Iris," she said. "Before you came, I was the most famous case at Mercer."

He gave her an angry, confused look.

"Fifteen-year-old runaway found in alive sixteen years later in European sex cult," she said. "I never actually ran away. I was abducted from a mall in New Rochelle after my friends ditched me over a stupid argument. I've been here three months."

"Why should I care?" he said. "I'm too damaged. I'm just a filthy animal and deserve to die like one."

"How'd you get up here anyway?" she asked. "I bribed a nurse for the elevator codes so I can smoke here on the weekends. I live for my smoke breaks."

"Smoking is bad for you," he said angrily.

"I lived off cigs when I was in Europe. American brands don't have the same potency though. Don't get me started on e-cigs. The don't do it for me."

"I don't care," he said. "I'm going to jump. I'm going to end my suffering. John Uris can't hurt me if I'm dead."

"Didn't you kill the guy?" she said.

"He's in my head, you idiot," he said. "He won't leave alone. He won't stop bullying me."

"Then you're letting the jackass win," she said. "You managed to escape. I didn't. I was just found in a shipping container headed for some country in Africa."

"You wouldn't understand," Reid said.

"I hear voices too," she said. "A month ago, I was on this roof contemplating what you were thinking of doing."

"What stopped you?" he asked. "A therapist?"

"No, my dead mom's voice," she said. "She died of blood cancer a year before I was found. I literally put my foot over the edge, and heard her say 'stop.'"

"My mom is also dead," he said. "I just want to hug her. I want it all to end!"

"Look, I get it but, if you jump, you're going to set my progress back about a month at least."

He laughed harshly.

"At you're where you can get help!"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"Goodbye, Iris."

She dropped the cigarette and lunged at him. She tackled him so close the edge, their feet touched air.

They were both gasping for air.

"I nearly died, didn't I?" he said.

She rolled off the top of him.

"Yep," she said. "I thought I wouldn't care if you died but I had to stop you."

"I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die," he sobbed.

Iris hugged him and he rocked.

"Why was I so stupid? Why?"

"Because even smart people do stupid things," she said.

"I nearly did it. But you stopped me, Iris. You could have died."

"I know," she said. "But sometimes you need to live in the moment and decide what is important. In that moment, I thought you were."

"I owe you my life, Iris," he said. "How do I pay you back?"

"By not doing that again," she said. "I'd like to take my cig breaks in peace."

"This place is horribly understaffed during the weekend," he said as he sniffled. "I would have expected someone to have found me by now."

"Let me guess, you snuck out during shift change, and guessed the elevator code for the roof."

"It wasn't that hard," he said. "I should get dressed."

He shakily fumbled with his clothes. Iris helped dress him. He hugged her again.

"The voices aren't going to stop," she said. "But today you made a choice. You aren't going to let them win."

"I nearly did," he said.

"But I don't think you'll let them again," she said.

"How do you know?" he said.

"Because you tasted what it might have been like to end it and now you want to live," she said. "You're not ready to die. I know it."

"What you two doing up here?" a care assistant called out.

"Just enjoying to view," she said.

"In mid-March?" she said dubiously.

Iris pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"With these," she said.

"If I find you up here with those again, there will be harsh consequences!"

Iris and Reid exchanged a look and burst into laughter.

"Like you could do anything worse than what we've been through!" Iris said.

…

She was writing in her journal the next day when a new face appeared.

"I'm Dr. Juno," she said.

"I thought I had enough docs," Iris said.

"There are surveillance cameras up on the roof," she said. "The staff has known about your cigarette breaks for some time."

"Then why didn't a therapist try to talk Spencer Reid from jumping off the roof?"

"The weak point of Mercer is it's weekend staff," she said. "The person monitoring the feeds was watching a basketball tournament along with those who were supposed to be checking on Spencer Reid. Everyone involved is facing consequences."

"What about when I tried to jump?" she asked.

"The person in charge was drunk back then. It is hard to keep that job filled properly."

"So, you're here to thank me?" she said.

"Your regular therapists will be discussing what happened with you shortly. But yes, I am here to thank you."

Iris shrugged.

"I was just doing what anyone else would have done."

"You could have died, Iris," she said. "What you did was extraordinary."

"What now?" she asked.

"I'd like you to meet with Spencer Reid every once and a while in the future," she said. "Only if you're up for it."

"You want a thirty-one-year-old to help a forty-three-year-old federal agent?"

"You two have more in common than you realize," she said. "He needs someone like you and your age is irrelevant."

Iris didn't say anything.

"Only if you want to," Juno said.

"I want to," she said. "I was thinking I want to consult for the FBI on human trafficking when I get out. Do you think he can help me get an in with them?"

"I'm sure he can," Juno said.

"Is he being punished for what he nearly did?" she asked anxiously.

"We don't believe in punishment here, Iris," she said. "We're taking a different approach to how we treat him."

"Good," she said.

"I'll let you go," she said.

"Dr. Juno," she asked. "Am I a hero?"

She smiled.

"You certainly are."

"What do I do now?"

"You'll figure it out eventually," Juno said.

"Will it go to my head?"

"I don't think so," she said. "Take things one step at a time."

"Okay," she said.

"See you around," Juno said and left.

Iris looked her journal and opened a new page.

_Dear Spencer Reid,_

_They're calling me a hero, but I think you are your own hero for choosing to live after all._


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Sixteen:

Reid met with Juno and Ormes.

"It has been four days since your suicide attempt," Ormes said. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Reid said. "I think the new medication is working. The voice of Uris was growing so loud, I could barely think. I just wanted it to stop."

"That's understandable," Juno said. "We just have to work on ways of coping that don't involve suicidal thoughts."

"Are the affirmations helping?" Ormes asked.

"Yes," he said. "I am strong. I am a valuable person. Uris cannot hurt me anymore."

"Good," Juno said.

"How are textures?" Ormes asked.

"Clothes are starting to feel okay on me," he said. "I don't want to pull everything off constantly."

"That's progress," Juno said. "What would you like to work on today?"

"Will I ever be able to love a woman?" he asked. "I've only had sex with men for the last three years."

"What brought this up?" Ormes asked.

"I keep dreaming of Lowell Morton," he said. "Of the three men, I think he genuinely cared about me."

"Are you concerned about your sexual orientation?" Juno asked.

"The last time I had sex with a woman was when I was twenty-two," he said. "It was the night before graduation. A fellow Suma student and I had liked each other for a while. We were afraid of acting on it as we were going our separate ways after college. We decided to have a 'farewell fling.'"

"That sounds romantic and heartfelt," Ormes said.

"We used protection of course," he said. "I lost my virginity when I was eighteen to a Rhodes scholar. College was easier once I was the age of most students entering college."

"We haven't talked much about your early years," Juno said. "Would you like to now?"

"No," Reid said a little louder than he intended. "I think we have enough to discuss today."

"Tell us more about Lowell Morton," Ormes said.

"After a couple months together, he fell in love with me," Reid said. "I could feel his erection when we slept. He told me it was okay to feel confused about my orientation as I was being forced into a situation where the only touch I knew was forced. He told me I was handsome and loved every inch of me. We kissed even when Uris wasn't watching. Morton missed his partner terribly, but felt that if he had to be stuck with someone, he was grateful it was me."

"How'd that make you feel?" Juno asked.

"I cried the most when Morton died," he said. "I felt anchorless. I talked to him regularly after he died. Can someone be turned a homosexual after a trauma?"

"Dr. Reid," Ormes said. "I wouldn't worry about your orientation. It is possible you are bisexual now, but I think you need time away from here to reflect on who you want to be in the world. Love is love. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You were forced to survive in a terrible situation, but found sparks of intimacy. What you do with that in the future is up to you."

"I just feel so confused at forty-three years old," he said.

"Don't try to force yourself to discover who you are right now," Juno said. "You're still recovering. One day you'll make a choice about who you are out in the world, but it doesn't have to be now."

"What do I do about these feelings?" he asked.

"You keep what makes you happy and put the rest out of your mind," Ormes said. "Those moment that made you feel happy in that dark place, will keep you sane when bad memories come back. The love you and Morton shared was an act of defiance against Uris. Think of it that way."

"Dr. Reid," Juno said. "We haven't discussed whether Uris raped you. Are you ready to talk about that?"

"He only did it when he was drunk," Reid said. "When he'd wake up sober, he'd beat me for allowing him to 'f**k a filthy animal.' He preferred to watch in general and had the erection to prove it."

"Tell us about the last days," Ormes said. "How'd you decide to kill him after so long?"

"Uris was getting bored with me," he said. "His attacks were getting more violent. He didn't like the fact that I didn't react the way I used to and I could tell when I was forcing it. I knew if I didn't find a way to kill him soon, he'd kill me."

"Had you tried to kill him before?" Juno asked.

"In subtle ways," he said. "I'd try to make my self filthy when he raped me so he'd catch a disease, but he always seemed to have plenty of anti-biotics on hand to treat whatever he got. I saw what happened to the others when they attacked. I didn't want to die."

"That's enough for today," Juno said. "I'll walk you to your room."

Reid and Juno walked to his room and he gasped when he saw what was waiting for him.

A purple dress shirt and black pants on a hanger. There was even a belt and trainers like what he used to wear and an undershirt.

He touched them carefully.

"Go ahead," she said. "Try them on."

He had been wearing sweat pants and sweaters for so much of his time, buttoning the shirt felt for foreign. Reid felt completely different.

"You look good," Juno said.

"Thanks," Reid said. "I feel, better."

"Look in this mirror," she said and directed him to a floor-to-ceiling mirror.

He still thought he looked haunted. The scars were still prominent. But there was light his eyes. Reid looked at himself and saw hints of who he used to be, and could be in the future. Tears fell.

"Thank you, so much," he said.

Juno pulled out a camera and he wiped the tears away.

Reid tried to smile.

The photo came out instantly. Juno taped it to the wall.

"This who you'll aspire to be," she said.

He looked at it. Without the scars, it might be a photo of him as an agent.

"I have to change, don't I?" he said.

"You know facilities like this don't like belts on patients," she said. "You can dress like this when you see the team tomorrow to practice getting comfortable in these clothes."

"Thank you," he said.

"I have a letter for you, when you come out," she said.

It pained him to change, but it felt good that he was handling textures better.

"The BAU received this to forward to you," she said, when he came out.

Reid opened it and gasped. It was a letter from Sammy, the autistic child who helped locate his family. He wasn't much of a child anymore.

_Dear Agent Reid,_

_I understand a bad man hurt you for a long time. I wish I could help the way you helped me. But my mom said a letter from me written by myself might help. I think about you often Agent Reid. You saved my family. You are my hero. I hope you get well soon._

_Sincerely,_

_Sam_

Reid felt fresh tears. He showed the letter to Juno.

"You don't stop being a hero because of what Uris did to you," Juno said. "You are incredible in your own way. You may not feel like it, but to many you will always be Special Supervisory Agent Spencer Reid, hero and protector."

Reid sat down on the bed. He hadn't thought of himself as a hero in a long time. Maybe he really still was.


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks for the support as always!

Chapter Seventeen:

Garcia and Prentiss met with Ormes.

"He's making significant progress," she said. "We discovered recently that Uris was preparing to kill him when Reid struck first."

Garcia gasped. Prentis remained still.

"What is next in his treatment?" she asked.

"We're going to work with him in more group settings and try to get him outside now that the weather is better."

"I've set a date for my wedding," Prentiss said. "I was wondering if it could be live-streamed here."

"I don't see where that would be a problem," Ormes said.

"I brought some things to remind of home," Garcia said.

She pulled a purple scarf, and The Narrative of John Smith.

"He can't keep the scarf in his room," Ormes said. "But I'm sure he'll appreciate the feel of it."

"Did something happen recently?" Prentiss asked.

"I'm not at liberty to say," she said. "People think that the process of healing is linear. It isn't. There are setbacks and then progress, and possibly another setback. It takes patience and perseverance, by everyone involved."

"I think I understand," Prentis said.

"I do too," Garcia said.

"I think Reid is ready for you," Ormes said.

They walked to the visitor's area and took a seat at a table. Ormes took a seat in the corner.

Then Reid appeared. He was dressed in a blue shirt dress shirt and black slacks. If it weren't for the scars and terrified look on his face, he'd almost look like himself before his captivity.

"Hey," he said nervously.

"Hey Reid," Garcia said. "Read anything good?"

Reid took a seat.

"I tried to kill myself," he said bluntly.

"Oh Reid," Prentiss said.

He started crying.

"This young woman who had been in a European sex cult for sixteen years, she tackled me just as I was about to jump off the roof. They have staff problems here over the weekends."

Garcia started crying.

"I don't want to lose you!" she said. "I just got you back and I don't want to lose you again."

"I'm afraid," he sobbed. "I'm afraid I won't be the Spencer Reid you know and love."

"You don't have to be," Prentiss said. "You just have to live. We need you, Reid, in whatever form you choose to be."

"I just feel so broken," he said. "I miss who I used to be. Now I feel like nothing."

Reid's head jerked like he was remembering something. He began to cry even harder.

This wasn't part of her expertise, so Prentiss wasn't quite sure what she was doing. She got up from her chair and went over and hugged him. At first, he tensed up, but then he nuzzled her hair as he cried. Garcia came over and rubbed his back.

"I don't want to die anymore," he said. "I'm just afraid there isn't much of the Spencer Reid you know left."

"We love you just the way you are," Garcia said.

"I don't want to be a charity case," he said.

"Knowing you has made me a better person," Prentiss said. "A better chess player especially. But your heart, you have taught me so much about empathy. You mean so much to me."

"Ditto," Garcia said. "You have shown me how amazing the world is. You care about things in ways I can't begin to understand. You don't have to be the Reid I knew three years ago, you just have to be here."

"I promise I won't try to kill myself again. I promise I won't try to kill myself," he said. "I promise."

"I know you won't," Prentiss said. "I believe you and I believe you mean it."

"I do too," Garcia said.

"This wasn't how I planned the visit," he said as he let go of them. "I wanted to keep it light but I couldn't keep the secret from you."

"Don't be afraid to tell us anything," Prentiss said. "We can take it."

"Absolutely," Garcia said. "Now Emily has an announcement."

"About your wedding?" Reid said.

"You're good," she said. "Three months from Saturday. We're getting a videographer so you can watch it if you'd like."

"I'd love to," Reid said.

"Great," Prentiss said. "And Garcia is still wearing the mint-green dress."

She pouted.

"Just a slight color variation and I would have been happy."

"I can't wait to see all of it," Reid said.

"Maybe I'll sneak you some cake too," Prentiss said.

"I like cake," he said with a laugh.

Juno and Ormes appeared.

"The fun is over," Prentiss said with a sigh.

"I'll see you next week?" he asked anxiously.

"Count on me," Garcia said.

"You're being taken off stand down, aren't you?" Reid said.

"I'll try to be here," Prentiss said. "If not me, then another team member."

"Okay," he said.

"We've decided to allow for a weekend visitor," Ormes said. "Derek Morgan has cleared our screening process."

Reid's face lit up.

"Great!"

"I'll take you back to your room," Ormes said.

"It was good seeing you guys," Reid said.

"It was good seeing you too," Prentiss said.

Juno walked with Garcia and Prentiss.

"That was another good step in the right direction," Juno said.

Prentiss realized her shoulder was damp with his tears.

"I didn't realize he was still this bad," Prentiss said.

"It's not unusual for patients to have setbacks, especially this early in treatment," Juno said. "I'm only sorry about the security breach."

"Yeah, about that," Prentiss said. "Is there anything we can do to prevent that from happening again?"

"We changed to the elevator codes and Reid is being kept on a different level of supervision during the weekend. That is why having Derek Morgan come in this weekend was so important to us."

"You know about his history?" Garcia said.

"Yes," Juno said. "We did our homework. We think him seeing Morgan will help significantly."

"Thank you for letting us visit as always," Prentiss said.

"Your visits are important to him as they are for you," she said.

They took the elevator down and walked to her car.

"You okay?" she asked Garcia.

Garcia began to cry.

"No," she said. "He tried to kill himself Emily! Who's to say he won't again and succeed the next time?"

"I believe, he won't," Prentiss said. "I think he scared himself when he did the last time."

"I don't know what I believe," she cried. "I just don't!"

Prentiss rubbed Garcia back. They still had a long road ahead of them. It was going to be hard on everyone.


	18. Chapter 18

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Eighteen:

Reid and Iris played chess during the evening on Friday. They had played on Wednesday, and while she wasn't particularly good, it was something to do while they talked.

"What's the weirdest part of being back for you?" she asked.

"For a long time, it was textures," he said. "Now it is smells."

"I know," she said. "This place smell so sterile. Not a whiff of perfume on the staff. I think it must be a policy."

"It is ridiculous what you take for granted," Reid said. "I don't have to live in a place that smells like my own waste."

"I don't care what they say," she said as she moved a pawn. "You had it worse than me."

"You were in a sex cult, your whole adult life," Reid said as he moved his knight.

"But I could shop," she said as she moved another pawn. "I was allowed clothes and they'd let me drink. If I tried to go for help, say in a shop at Paris, someone was always watching to see if my name would come up and they'd grab me before I could find safety. I was on a leash, but it was a long leash."

"Someone should have found you," Reid said as he took a pawn.

"My own parents didn't believe I was abducted," she said as she moved her bishop "I was an angry kid. They thought I fled to New York City. My parents divorced when I was young and my father barely around. Always sent the alimony checks on time so my mom and I were fine financially. But my mom was obsessed with crime dramas and watched them all day instead of working. She claimed she was unemployable."

"Sounds like clinical depression," Reid said as he castled.

"That what the other women said. See, I had friends in the cult. They taught me tricks and mothered me better in some ways than my own mother."

"You speak so flatly about all of this," he said. "It's like you're not the one who experienced it."

"My shrinks say it's my coping mechanism," she as she moved her knight. "What's yours?"

"I'm not really coping," he said. "I'm just adjusting to new challenges every day. I'm still terrified he will come back and take me, even though I killed him."

"I know that feeling," she said. "Every strange man with the slightest hint, I don't know what the PC term is but I call it "Europeaness" and I seize up."

"Do I look European to you?" he asked.

She stared at him.

"You look tormented," she said. "You may be of European ancestry, but you don't carry yourself with a sense of arrogance, I can see in men."

"I feel hunted," he said as they moved more pieces. "Hunted by my past. I feel like someone wants to take my clothes and put me back in that basement. I wonder if that person is me because I'm afraid I won't adjust to the real world."

"That is some deep s**t," she said. "I'd take sixteen years in a sex cult over what you went through any day of the week."

"It's not a game, Iris," he said. "We went through horrible things and I wouldn't want to go through what you did."

She looked at the chess board.

"I'm not a good player. One gentleman whipped me for every pawn I lost. The rule was he could he only play one game with me. See again, the bastards who kept me also had a code of conduct. They couldn't hurt me too badly, otherwise I'd be damaged goods."

"I honestly don't know anymore," he said. "You make it sound like it wasn't as terrible as what I went through, but I sense you are holding a lot back."

"You know," she said. "You may think you're not an agent anymore, but you still have the skills. You read people like a book. You didn't forget how to read, Spencer Reid."

Reid just looked at the chess board. He was ahead by six moves. Talking with Iris made him feel good as it helped contextualize his experiences. They both needed a lot of help and maybe they could help each other.

…

Reid dressed in sweatshirt and sweatpants, for Morgan, as his regular therapists were off on the weekend. He walked to the visitor room where there was a therapist in the corner and Morgan smiling like everyone else who visited him. Reid wondered why that unnerved him so much.

"Hey Reid," he said. "It's good to see you."

"Hi Morgan," he said. "It's good to see you too."

Reid sat down.

"Emily gave me a picture," he said. "It looks like you have a girl."

He smiled.

"Her name is Sharon and she is more of a handful than her brother. I always imagined having two boys, but I'm happy to have her, even if she's in her terrible twos."

"At the age of two a child can understand a lot more of what they hear but can't express it back. They also are developing a sense of independence."

Tears began to fill Morgan's eyes.

"God, I missed you," he said. "I missed you so much."

"But I'm not always a fact machine anymore Morgan," he said and gulped. "I tried to kill myself because I felt so damaged and terrified, I couldn't be the Spencer Reid you knew and loved."

"Emily told me," Morgan said. "No one is expecting you to be the same person after what you went through. Trust me I know. Torture leads to change, but it doesn't have to be bad. You become stronger after you survive."

"But I didn't want to," Reid said as his eyes filled with tears.

"I know you didn't, but I also know you scared yourself. You are a phenomenal person. You'll survive this like you've survived every other challenge you in your life. I have faith, even if you don't."

"I've never been more afraid of myself," Reid said.

"Remember when you hit that softball into the outfield?" Morgan asked.

"How could I forget," he said. "My one shining sporting achievement."

"You've just got to take all that emotion raging in your body and channel it into something good. You may not feel like it, but I know you're capable of overcoming all of this and coming out a man who may be a little different, but still deep down you're the Spencer Reid we know and love. I love you man.

"I love you too, Morgan," Reid said and offered his hand.

Morgan held it and Reid put his other hand on top of it. At first it felt uncomfortable, but he needed his touch he needed to prove what he was capable of. Reid needed fight back against what was hurting him mentally.


	19. Chapter 19

Thank you for the support!

Chapter Nineteen:

Calvin looked straight into the camera

"In conclusion, John Uris killed six men. Only Spencer Reid survived. Why he was the only one to survive such unimaginable suffering, the answer died with Uris.

There are lessons that can be learned from what these men endured. The first three men came from homeless populations, where they would not be missed. The other three men were not reported missing until statistically speaking, it was too late. What is the takeaway from all this? Don't make assumptions based on past behavior. Men aren't as likely to be abducted, but if tonight's story in any indicator, there are monsters preying on men among us. Stay vigilant and call the police. That absentee ex-husband may have forgotten to pick up your child, or something worse may have happened. The police are a resource, don't be afraid to use them.

Thank you, good night. Hold the ones you loved dearly always, as you never know what might happen next."

"Cut!" Owen, the new producer, shouted.

Ace Cornell, the network executive had been watching.

"Very nice, Calvin," he said. "It's going to make for an excellent special."

"Thanks," she said.

"I saw the other pieces. The way Emily Prentiss handled the rape question protected Spencer Reid's privacy, while still making clear he endured terrible abuse. It's going to make for compelling television."

"I believe it is some of my finest work," Calvin said.

"I agree," he said. "Possibly award-winning."

"I only care about making sure the victim's lives are honored."

Cornell smiled and shook his head slightly.

"Calvin, I believe you are the last honest woman in cable news."

Cornell's phone rang.

"Have a good day, Calvin," he said.

"You too sir."

Calvin wiped off her makeup. It was a hard piece, but hopefully it would do those harmed justice.

Her assistant Elaine appeared with her cell phone.

"A Doctor Juno is on the phone."

Calvin knew of Juno as one of premier psychologists in captivity-related trauma.

"How can I help you Dr. Juno?" she said as she went into her office.

"I was wondering if you'd interview Dr. Reid," Juno said.

Calvin stifled a gasp.

"Of course, what are the conditions?"

"No cameras, no recording devices, and only one photograph with no flash."

"Understood," Calvin said. "Do you mind if I ask why you chose me?"

"I've followed your coverage of Dr. Reid, Miss. Calvin. You show the most respect to him. I also have a friend in the business. I know you stopped leaked information from being shared across the networks."

"I'm not a saint Dr. Juno," she said. "I only want what's right for all parties involved."

"None of us are. I think an interview with you will help Dr. Reid feel less isolated from the world. I'd like you to email me the questions beforehand, I reserve the right to deny any questions, and I say when the interview ends."

"Under normal circumstances, I'd say you were being unreasonable, but these aren't normal circumstances."

"Exactly," Juno said.

"When do you want to schedule the interview?" Calvin asked as she heard a knocking on her door.

"Within the next three days," she said.

"You choose the day," Calvin said. "Whatever is best for Dr. Reid."

"Tomorrow at one o'clock then," Juno said. "Email me the questions by the ten a.m."

"Deal," Calvin said as the knocking got louder.

"Have a good day Miss. Calvin."

"You too, Dr. Juno."

Calvin hung up and opened her door.

"I have big news," Calvin said. "I need a photographer for tomorrow."

"You need to see this," Connie said in a serious tone.

They walked to the bullpen where the TVs were.

A woman with an enormous chest, dyed blond hair, and a spray tan was rapping in Spanish with Calvin's fiancé by her side.

"Do you know the Spanish?" Connie asked.

"It translates to 'I'm marrying an undercover cop/I'm marrying an undercover cop/Suck it TV lady!'" Calvin said dully.

The newsroom was watching her.

"Someone, get Gary to cover for me," she said. "And hold off on editing the Reid piece. I just scored an exclusive with Dr. Reid."

"Do you want to reshoot the pieces where your ring is visible?" one producer boldly asked.

"Edit it out digitally," she said. "It shouldn't be too hard. I need to go and figure out what to do next."

Calvin's phone beeped.

"_I'm sorry you found out this way, but I love her."_

Knowing the whole newsroom was watching, she slowly walked back to her office. She went inside and rested her back against the door. Tears finally came.

…

Calvin insisted on no professional camera set up. The photographer improvised and used chairs in the facility to block and adjust light.

Then Reid appeared with Juno by his side. He looked scared. When she and Reid locked eyes, his expression changed. It was a look of curiosity.

"Hello Dr. Reid," she said.

"Hello Miss. Calvin," he said. "Is this a bad time?"

"Why would it be?" she asked.

"I've studied your picture; you don't wear this much makeup usually. You look tired and slightly sad. There's faint mark on your ring finger you just touched without realizing it."

"Very good, Dr. Reid," she said. "I got dumped by my fiancé of four months in a very public way."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said.

"Let's sit down and get the photo over with," Calvin said.

They sat down and the photographer took a quick shot of her in a blue pants suit, with Reid in a pale blue dress shirt and gray pants. He was watching her every move.

Calvin pulled out her notes that she had memorized.

"Tell me Dr. Reid," she said. "Why did you agree to this interview?"

"Because this is a step in taking back control of my life," he said. "By agreeing to be interviewed, I am choosing how the narrative is focused. This is my life people are talking about, I want to be part of the conversation."

"That is very brave of you Dr. Reid," she said. "What do you want audiences to know?"

"That I am a survivor of rape," he said. "I will not let it define who I am. People are going to ask directly and indirectly and I want to clear the air before I leave here."

"How are you coping these days?" she asked.

"I take it one day at time," he said. "There have been setbacks and times when I have wanted to end it all."

"What stopped you?" she asked.

"The idea that I did not walk three miles out of the woods to go back into a hole in the ground. I may have thought I couldn't cope at one time, but now I know I can."

"What do you want to do when you leave here?" she asked.

"Consult on certain cases for the FBI," he said. "Just go to the park and play a game of chess. See my godchildren. Go to a library."

"Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

"Are there any question you'd like to ask that weren't cleared by my therapists?"

Calvin looked to Juno, who nodded.

"What was the scariest part of being in captivity?"

"Being alone," he said. "When he left for days on end, I'd only have a crack of light. My imagination would run wild with what he would do to me when he came back. In some ways it wasn't always as bad as I imagined, believe it or not."

"What part of the treatment here has helped the most?" she asked.

"Meditation and medication," he said. "Memories keep haunting me, so any way to break the cycle helps. Cognitive behavioral therapy also helps."

"I think that's all, Dr. Reid," Calvin said.

"May I ask you some questions?"

"By all means."

"How are you coping with a broken heart?"

"To honest," she said. "It could be worse. I was in love with the idea of being in love, but not in love with my fiancé. I loved him, but not as much at the fact that he gave a ring to prove his love."

"I miss the idea of being in love," he said. "I'm afraid I'm not capable of love in the normal sense anymore."

"Nothing about love is normal Dr. Reid," she said. "It complicated and outright stupid at times in the way we act. Love is so subjective and personal. You'll find love again. I don't doubt it based on your capability to survive and even ask these questions."

She put her hand out. He touched it.

"Thank you," he said with tears in his eyes.

"Thank you, Dr. Reid," she said as she felt tears in her eyes.

…

Calvin was careful not to touch her ring finger while she stared into the camera.

"There's a lot that goes into putting a piece together like this. I had a chance to interview Spencer Reid the day after my fiancé's public display. Reid picked up on it immediately because despite all of his trauma, he is still gifted in the science of profiling. Spencer Reid is a survivor who admitted he has had setbacks, but refuses to let that define his journey to recovery. He admitted he was raped during his captivity, so that the question would be answered before it was asked by strangers once he completed treatment. Some might say it is not fair that you didn't get to see the interview, but for once I'd like you to take my word and trust me."

"Cut," Owen shouted.

Calvin noticed there were tears in the eyes of some of the crew as well as Connie. It truly was an extraordinary experience.


	20. Chapter 20

I know following this story is getting hard as it is so long at this point. I appreciate everyone who has stuck with me. Reviews show that people are still reading and want more. Thank you.

Chapter Twenty:

"Finally, a game I'm good at," Iris said as they entered the court. "Basketball."

"I'm terrible at it," Reid said. "The bounce of the ball is unpredictable."

It was a warm afternoon in April and the therapists were watching from a distance.

Iris dribbled the ball around and performed a perfect layout shot.

"I was the point guard on my high school team," she said. "No one thought that my love of basketball would keep me from running away. Heck most of my teammates thought I had run off. Except Cindy Bauer, but no one listened to her because it was rumored, she was blowing the coach. It turned out to be true. I guess it was a big scandal two years later. Not one line in the paper about me, until fourteen years later."

"You sound angry," Reid said as she passed the ball to him.

"I got over being angry five years into it, when I realized no one was ever going to look for me. I had friends in the cult who had similar experiences. No one looks for a kid who lives near a major metropolis who has shown to be troubled," she said. "The shrinks will tell you I am more bitter than anything."

Reid dribbled and then threw the ball at the hoop. It bounced off the rim and nearly hit Iris. She dodged it and laughed.

"You really do suck."

"Do the therapists ever play back your voice?" he asked. "You sound so flat and disconnected."

She dribbled the ball around the court.

"Does that scare you?" she asked.

"It's unnerving," he said. "Like listening to a serial killer describing how he butchered his victims like he was merely carving up a leg of lamb."

Iris laughed as she threw the ball from half-court. It flew effortlessly through the net.

"So, you think I sound like a serial killer."

"I didn't say that."

"You kind of did."

"I just can't get over the lack of emotion in your voice."

"Oh Spencer, he beat me with a nine iron and then thrust his genitals in my vagina wah, wah, wah," she said in a mocking tone.

Reid didn't say anything as she passed him the ball.

"You're trying to profile me, but you're out of practice, and you've never dealt with anyone like me."

He dribbled the ball.

"You're right, I've never met anyone like you. I'm afraid of how your flatness is hiding tremendous hurt. You can open up to me."

He threw the ball and it bounced off the rim and to the other side of the court.

"I'm not your project, Spencer," she said. "I have a couple other shrinks who are helping me. I appreciate the gesture, but I'm going to be okay. So are you I think."

They chased after the ball.

"What makes you say that?" Reid asked.

"You getting more involved around here," she said. "I saw you teaching Terry chess last night. They had to redo the rules for trivia night because groups were fighting over you. You're slowly coming out of your shell, Spencer."

"I wish I could do more for your compared to what you've done for me," Reid said.

"Forget I saved your life then," she said as she dribbled. "Just focus on the fact that if I know you, you probably could have killed yourself by now if you wanted to, but haven't. You're surviving Spencer Reid."

She landed a perfect free throw.

"Did you see the TV special on me?" he asked. "I wasn't allowed to watch as they thought it might be triggering."

"I did," she said and passed it to him. "The reporter has the hots for you."

Reid dropped the ball.

"What!?"

"Do you really think a cable news anchor goes to the middle-of-nowhere West Virginia to dig up leads because she'd bored? She has a crush on you."

"I didn't know she did that," he said. "She probably just likes my looks before I got the scars."

Iris picked up the ball. "I could always tell when a girl was falling for her guy. When the girl says his name, the pitch in her voice changes, and she can't conceal the smile when the name is mentioned. Very subtle, but very real."

"You picked up some profiling skills too," he said.

"No, I didn't. I just learned how to read people. It's like chess, except I can tell when the weird vein in a guy's forehead starts throbbing another part of me is going to be throbbing. Or when a john's hands shake, it's a sign he's never had a prostitute. It's not profiling, Spencer, it's a survival mechanism."

"You're right," Reid said.

"Game," Juno said as she walked on to the court.

"Let Spencer throw one more ball," Iris said. "At least when I lose to him in chess, I score on him a couple times."

"Okay, one more shot."

Reid picked up the ball, dribbled, and threw it blindly. He looked up and saw it go through the net.

"That's one way of scoring," Iris said as she laughed.

Reid smiled too. It did feel good to finally score.

…

Reid was in a hospital gown again. His hair was in a net. Part of him was screaming to get up as the sedative hadn't kicked in yet.

"You okay Dr. Reid?" Juno asked.

"I could be better," he admitted.

"If you don't want to go through with this, just say the word."

"No," he said. "I'm tired of looking at the scars. I want them gone."

"You'll be under for about two hours," she said. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"I'll be okay," he said. "I promise."

She smiled.

"You're improving in leaps and bounds Dr. Reid."

…

A week later, he was given a full-length mirror. For the first time, in a long time, he examined himself without clothes. The grafts were already allowing for the scars between his legs, on his chest, arms, and face, as well as back to fade. He looked into his eyes and saw light. He wasn't being haunted as badly anymore.


	21. Chapter 21

Thanks for the support as always!

Chapter Twenty-One:

Calvin was getting her usual double-shot expresso when a man stopped her.

"Gwen Calvin, right?" he said.

"Guilty as charged," she said with a smile.

"My ex-wife called the other night to say that she still cared about me and would report me missing if she ever felt like something was off after seeing your story."

"Thank you," she said.

"I'm not the only one either," he said. "I meet with a couple other guys and they say their exes have said similar things after seeing clips of that special. You did some real good with that piece."

Calvin tried not to cry.

"Thanks," she said. "I've got work to do."

"You also deserve better than that schmo who dumped you," he called out as she left.

Calvin walked to the station and saw Nick.

"How was the AM?" she asked.

"It's a week from Easter," he said. "We were discussing how to answer questions, children have about how the Easter Bunny is connected to Easter."

"Easter is about the miracle of life. Bunnies like to show how much they love each other often by making lots of baby bunnies. A human mommy has to keep a baby in her belly for much longer than a mommy bunny, so the mommy bunny is able to have more babies."

"What about Easter eggs and jelly beans?"

"This is why I'm on in the evening," she said.

Nick stuck his tongue and Calvin laughed.

Elaine followed her into her office.

"The Reid story just cracked the top ten on Youtube," she said. "You have a meeting with network execs at eleven o'clock and a lunch interview with Lila Archer. Here are your messages."

"Thanks, Elaine," she said and sat down.

Quickly, she ripped open the letter from the Mercer Institute.

_Hi Gwen,_

_Thanks for the donuts. It's funny what you miss. I know rainbow sprinkles don't have any actual flavor, but the color spread is appealing. I think the staff liked them too._

_I am actually being asked about cases again! A cipher was sent to the team and no one could crack it so they gave it to me. I solved it in five minutes. Another case involved someone staging murders from Sherlock Holmes and they invited me to look at photos and they didn't trigger me. This is all being done clandestinely, so I trust you to keep it between us._

_You're writing is more assured. I think you are slowly getting over the shock of losing Chris and now you're moving on to finding what you want in life. I hope we can meet again in the future._

_Spencer_

He enclosed a picture of himself in khaki shorts and a red t-shirt. Reid was smiling. It would take close examination to the see the scars that were now faded.

It broke her heart to put the letter, and the photo, in the crosscutting shredder.

She sat back in her chair and wondered what the heck she was doing.

…

"You're in love with Spencer Reid," Archer said.

"What?" Calvin choked out as the techs adjusted her microphone.

"Is this thing hot?" she asked anxiously.

"Not for another two minutes."

"I'm infatuated," she said to Archer. "There's a difference."

"Not from the way you kept trying not to smile whenever you said his name on TV."

"Are you a profiler?" she asked jokingly.

"No, but I dated him," she said.

"How does the world not know about that?"

"I was deep in Uganda filming when he went missing," she said. "Otherwise I would have lent my voice to trying to find him. He's a special guy Miss. Calvin."

"I know," she said. "We don't have much time. Your directorial debut is about the life of a child in Uganda. Deep stuff."

"Have you exchanged letters?" she asked. "He's a wonderful writer."

Calvin gulped.

"Be careful with his heart Miss. Calvin," she said. "He deserves nothing but the best."

"So, tell me more about what led your career to this moment Lila," Calvin said.

"I want to start making a difference with my films," she said. "I want people to see me…"

…

As usual, it was late at night when she got home. Archer's words haunted her. She needed a confidante. Her next psychologist appointment wasn't for another month. Calvin decided to dial up her ex-husband.

"Hey, Gwen," Brian Lennox said. "Isn't it a little late on the East Coast?"

He and Calvin dated when they were in their late twenties, when he was a cameraman and she was a field reporter. Married on her thirtieth birthday, they made it last until their mid-thirties. Lennox got tired of her stalling and wanted kids when she wanted a career. He remarried two years later and had a son with a model in California. They remained on good terms over the years and agreed to keep each other's secrets.

"I'm in love with Spencer Reid," she said bluntly. "What the Hell do I do?"

"Does he like you back?"

"The guy has been in a basement for three years, Brian," she said. "He doesn't know how to process romantic feelings."

"How do you know that?" he asked.

"Because I've read books on the subject," she said. "It is easy to misinterpret expressions of kindness after only knowing cruelty."

"But you don't know him," he said.

"We've been exchanging letters," she said. "How would it even work for us? I'm a high-profile news anchor and he's known as a captivity victim. My subjectivity would be questioned. He'd be more in the spotlight than he'd ever want."

"Why don't you ask him? Maybe he isn't as traumatized as you think."

"I don't know, Brian," she said with a sigh.

"I think you do know," he said. "I think you know what you're willing to sacrifice for the relationship to work."

"I wasn't willing to have a kid with you because of my career. Why would I give it up for a guy?"

"Because he's the right guy," Brian said. "Gwen, spell it out for him. Stop hiding behind your career and just write your heart out to him."

"You sound so certain this guy is the right guy for me," she said.

"Have you seen the comments on that photo of the two of you? You are smiling like it is the happiest day of your life and Reid is looking at you like you're the most stunning thing he has seen in a long time. People are shipping you two, Gwen."

Calvin groaned.

"Gwen, this guy won't burn you. I never thought too highly of Chris anyway and you knew that. Everything I've read about Spencer Reid has indicated he's a straight-up great guy. Don't let him get away."

"This kind of romance too bombastic for a Hallmark movie," she said.

"But it's real," he said. "Stop thinking about the logistics and lead with your heart."

"Now you sound like a Hallmark movie," Calvin said.

"Admit your feelings and see how it plays out," he said.

"Okay, okay," she said. "Were you expecting this phone call?"

"In about a week," he said. "I heard you're interviewing Lila Archer about her Uganda film. I think she and Reid dated briefly."

"How did I not know about that?" she asked. "I dug through his life thoroughly over the years."

"I know the reformed paparazzo who caught them kissing in her pool while he was fully-clothed and trying to protect her. An agent ripped his film out to protect Reid."

"Wow," Calvin said.

"Just go for it, Gwen. You know how to handle rejection. He is where he can get guidance. There is nothing to lose."

"Alright. Alright," she said. "I'm digging out stationary now."

"Good and good night Gwen."

"Thanks Brian."

"Anytime Gwen."

She hung up and pulled out note paper. It was time to write like her life, love life at least, depended on it.


	22. Chapter 22

I wrote this Sunday night. Why are football games played this late? I live with family who insist on watching the whole thing. By the way, Gwen is not me. I never had any interest in broadcast journalism. Frankly I chose to major in Com, because I couldn't stand the thought of analyzing Jane Eyre and Shakespeare for four years.

Chapter Twenty-Two:

_Dear Spencer,_

_When I first started covering your story, I fell for the heroic agent. When you saved yourself three years later, I fell for the story. When I met you, I fell for you. I think have fallen in love with you Spencer Reid._

_I don't expect you to feel the same way. You're recovering from a traumatic event and have enough to process without a profession of love. I know you think you don't know how to love since you've only known pain throughout most of your captivity, but I think you do. I think you know how to feel love Spencer, because no one forgets how to love._

_I have thought a lot about a future for us. I want to go back to my first love: writing. I want to go underground and write my memoires. I want to ghost write. I have achieved everything I have wanted as an evening news anchor. I'm ready to sleep in and enjoy life. A life that might include you._

_It's okay to be afraid. I am, as I don't want to hurt you more than you already have been. This is the real deal Spencer. I can take rejection if you're not ready. If you want to wait, I'll also wait. Falling in love is scary, but worth the risk._

_I don't expect an answer right away. Take your time. Talk to people. It's going to be alright. I have faith._

_Gwen_

Reid finished reading the letter and passed it to Ormes and Juno. They read it together and smiles slowly appeared on their faces.

"I suspected it," Juno said.

"So, did I," Ormes said

"What do I do?" he asked.

"What is your heart telling you?" Juno asked.

"I can't hear it over my brain rattling out the fact that this is the first woman to show interest in me. That I am a recovering rape and torture survivor after three years in captivity. That the last time I felt love was with a man. I am scared."

"Dr. Reid," Juno said. "Can I hold your hand?"

Reid offered it to her.

"You are a remarkable man," she said. "Any man or woman would be lucky to have you as a romantic partner. You may feel as though your trauma is what defines you, but one day it won't. I think, Gwen sees past the trauma. She likes you as a brave man who has fought to achieve so many goals. You are truly special."

"And Gwen isn't the only one interested," Ormes said. "From what I have heard in group therapy and after hours, a couple women like you, but you're a little oblivious."

"This reminds me of the time a bunch of women audited my class at Quantico," he said. "My looks made me popular."

He sighed.

"What do I do?" he asked again.

"Let that brain rest, talk to your coworkers, and take the time Gwen told you to take," Ormes said.

"Is that all I can do?"

"For now, yes," Juno said.

"What do you two think?"

"It's up to you," Ormes said.

"Our lips are sealed," Juno said with a hint of a smile Ormes shared.

Reid never felt more confused.

…

"Out with it," Garcia said.

"I've never seen you look like you're bursting to talk like this," Prentiss said.

"Gwen Calvin and I have been trading letters," Reid said. "She just said she's falling in love with me. She doesn't care how damaged I think I might be and is willing to sacrifice her career so I don't have to live in the spotlight."

"Oh my god," Garcia said slowly.

Prentiss laughed.

"I suspected it when she interviewed me last month. She really cares about you Reid."

"What do I do?" Reid asked.

"What do your therapists think?" Prentiss asked.

"That it's up to me."

Garcia wiped tears away.

"Our genius has found love!"

"Are there any cases you need help with?" Reid asked.

"No, and don't change the subject," Prentiss said. "This about your future."

"I don't know if I can feel love," he said. "I like her, but I'm not sure I love her."

"Like is a start," Garcia said.

"I never expected to find love while here," he said.

"Reid, has anyone told you how extraordinary you are?" Prentiss asked.

"My therapists," he said.

"Listen to them and listen to us. Any women would be lucky to have you. You may think your recent trauma is holding you back from feeling love, but it doesn't have to. I think you can defy the odds as you have your whole life."

"I don't know what to do," he moaned.

"You'll figure it out eventually," Garcia said.

"I don't doubt it for a second," Prentiss said.

Reid sighed. He still wasn't certain.

…

Iris threw a basketball hard at his chest.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked.

"Let's see, physical and mental scars and I still have crippling flashbacks that make me want to strip naked and hide."

"But those are going to go away," Iris said. "Gwen Calvin isn't."

Reid dribbled the ball, aimed, and missed.

"You suck at basketball and relationships," she said.

"I was in a hole for three years!" he said. "What do you expect!?"

Iris picked up the ball.

"A woman f**king likes you Spencer. Go for it!"

"Are you jealous?" he asked.

"Hell no," she said. "I've been getting my romantic fix here."

"What happens when I leave?" he asked. "What kind of relationship will I have?"

"Love isn't a damn chess game," she said. "Stop thinking five moves ahead and live in the moment."

"At the moment I'm scared out of my mind!" he said.

Iris made another perfect free throw.

"Love is a dozen crazy emotions rolled into one. Focus on one of pieces. The piece that matters. Do you like her?"

"Yes!" he said as he chased after the ball.

"Then what's stopping you from the next step?"

"Everything we've discussed!" he said and threw the ball from half court.

It flew through the net.

"I know what you're capable of Spencer," Iris said. "Stupidity, compassion, and yes, love. Chase after the last one."

She took the ball and threw another perfect layout shot.

"It isn't going to be easy, but nothing worth having doesn't involve a little effort. Are you ready to try?"

Reid took a deep breath and grabbed the ball.

"Yes, I think I am."

"Took you long enough," she said.

Reid aimed, and threw the ball. It went in the hoop.

"If your game on the court can improve, so can your game off the court," she said.

"What am I going to do, when I leave and you're not with me?" he asked.

"You'll figure it out," she said. "I'm not going anywhere just yet."

"I might count this as the second time you saved my life," he said.

"It's a good thing, I'm not keeping score then," she said.

Reid smiled and they continued to play with gusto.

…

"Dr. Reid, this is stunning," Jetta said.

He painted Calvin. Her blond hair with streaks of red in it. He painted her luscious lips. The spark in her gray eyes. The outfit she was wearing was a blue dress with flecks of gold in it.

"Do you mind if I send it to someone?" he asked.

"Not at all," she said with a smile.

He carefully moved the easel around and painted on the back in red:

_Will you attend a live-streamed wedding with me?_

Author's Note:

My team won. Now I can't sleep from the rush of excitement because I love my damn team as much as I hate how hard it is for them to win.


	23. Chapter 23

Why am I trying to edit this at three a.m.? Because the dog woke me up and I can't back to sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Three:

Calvin was used to wearing wigs when she didn't want attention. She took the train to DC. Her heart was beating a mile a minute. Wearing a simple blue dress (nothing like the evening gown Reid painted her in), she was ready to see Reid. It promised to be an interesting afternoon.

She kept the wig on and signed in as "Dorothy Fuldheim." A care assistant escorted her to Reid's floor. The therapist, Jane Bennet met her at the elevator.

"The wedding begins at two and you're welcome to stay until five," she said. "They sent cake and sparkling cider."

"How is he today?" Calvin asked.

"Nervous, but in good spirits," Bennet said. "I trust you've read the instructions we emailed you?"

"Yes," she said.

"Then have a good time," Bennet said.

She knocked on Reid's door.

Reid appeared in a gray suit with a white shirt and blue tie.

"You look handsome," she said.

"You look nice," he said nervously.

He stepped out of the way and Calvin saw his room was decorated with posters from sci-fi shows along with a few personal photos.

"Nice place," she said.

"Psychiatric facilities have come a long way," he said quickly.

"Spencer," she said. "Breathe."

"I haven't been on a date in over five years," he said. "The last person I kissed was Lowell Morton. I'm scared out of my mind."

"Don't be," she said. "We're just two friends watching your boss get married. It should be fun."

"Okay," he said. "The wedding is going to be live-streamed here."

They went to the table where a screen was set up and sat down. People were just beginning to come in. Calvin recognized some of Reid's coworkers.

"Beautiful venue," she said.

"I agree," he said.

"What color are the bridesmaid's dresses?"

"Mint-green."

Calvin made a face and Reid tried to laugh.

"It's a soothing color," he said.

"Not my choice for bridesmaid's dresses."

"What were yours?"

"What?" she said.

"Garcia dug into your past," he said. "It seemed only fair as you know everything about me, I should know something about you."

She smiled. "You're right. Mine were a pale shade of pink. I figured the girls could use them for Easter dresses in the future."

"Did they?" he asked.

She laughed. "No. One girl, several years later, cut it up, bedazzled it, and made a princess dress out of it for her daughter."

"Well, at least it was being used and not kept in a closet," he said.

"It turned out to be really cute."

"The ceremony is starting," Reid said.

The bridesmaids came down as well as the groomsmen. The dresses, while cut nicely, were an ugly color. Calvin recognized most of the team as being part of the ceremony. They truly were a family.

Rossi walked Prentiss down the aisle. Prentiss was beaming and smiled into the camera. She seemed to wink at Reid.

"Oh Spencer," Calvin said. "She is stunning."

"I know," he said.

Prentiss held Mendoza's hand.

"No holds this time," she said.

"Nope," Mendoza said with a smile.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today the celebrate the love of Emily and Andrew. They both made great sacrifices to be here and overcame many obstacles. Let us celebrate and give thanks."

Prentiss and Mendoza couldn't not stop smiling at each other throughout the ceremony. They truly were in love.

"Andrew, you are a prince among men," she said. "I live for your love. You make me a better person every day. Your undying patience has been a blessing. You are my world. I cannot wait to be called your wife."

"Emily, my world revolves around you. I would wait a million years to call you my wife. Our love was written in the stars. The future is ours, my love. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you in my arms as my wife."

Calvin cautiously put her hand out and a few seconds later, Reid touched it. His hand shook at first, but then it relaxed. He slowly picked at her fingers until their hands were woven together. They remained together for a long time.

"I now pronounce you, husband and wife."

The room exploded in cheers as they descended down the aisle.

Calvin carefully took Reid's hand and kissed it. He took hers and kissed it back shakily. Then he smiled.

"I think I'm falling for you, Gwen Calvin," he said.

"I'm a so glad, Spencer Reid."

His head jolted back and his breathing quickened. Reid then took deep breaths.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Reid said. "I won't let him have this. I won't let Uris destroy my happiness. He is dead and I am alive to enjoy life without him."

"You are stronger than him Spencer," she said. "You are fighting back and winning."

"I know," he said. "I know I can do this. I can live. I can love."

Suddenly, he kissed her on the lips. Calvin forgot to breath. It was deep and intense.

He let go just as suddenly.

"I wanted to see if I could feel something with a woman," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she said. "That was pretty good."

"Really?" he asked anxiously.

She laughed.

"Really," she said.

"I promise our next kiss will be more romantic, if there is one," he said. "I just wanted to know how it felt to kiss a woman again and I'm sorry if you feel used."

"Spencer," she said. "I'm not complaining. I understand why you did what you did. I feel lucky to be here for you. How do you feel after the kiss?"

"Embarrassed," he said.

"During?" she asked.

"Like my world was spinning," he said. "It was incredible."

"I'm glad I've still got it then," she said with a smile.

"When was your last kiss?" he asked.

"About for years ago. I haven't had time for dating. I also don't like the pressure of the media surrounding me."

"Did you mean what you said in your letter?" he asked. "Are you really ready to give up PAX for me?"

She nodded.

"Since I hit the big four-oh, I have been thinking about my legacy. I've got a few Emmys, Peabody, and a Morrow award. I have thought about aiming for network evening news, but I don't think that's in the cards for me. I am satisfied with where my career has taken me. I'm ready for a change."

"I don't know what's waiting for me, but I think I like the idea of a future with you," he said.

"That's great," she said.

"Let's open sparkling cider and celebrate as they toast," he said.

"We'll toast too," she said.

"To new beginnings?" he said with a nervous smile.

"To new beginnings," she said with a smile.

Reid's smile broadened.


	24. Chapter 24

It's been a while since I've had a story get more than a hundred reviews! Thank you so much!

Chapter Twenty-Four:

Uris whipped him viciously.

"Scream, animal!"

"Stop!" Reid cried as he felt skin ripped from his back. "Please, I'll do anything."

"Anything?" he said menacingly.

"Yes," he whimpered.

"Suck my dick and eat the cum."

Reid rocked.

"The moon rises over purple mountains," he said.

"Suck it!"

"Deer gallop across the terrain."

"SUCK IT!"

"THE WOLF HOWLS IN THE DISTANCE!"

Reid opened his eyes. He was naked in the middle of his room during lunch break. Tears fell.

"You broke out of it."

He saw Juno watching him as he grabbed a blanket to cover himself.

"Why is this still happening?" he cried.

"You know the answer," she said.

"I've still got a long way to go," he said.

"Not as far as you think," she said. "You broke out of it on your own. This is the fourth time you've done so without any help from me. You're getting stronger every time."

"Why don't I feel that way?" he asked.

"Because you're the one experiencing it," Juno said. "From my professional perspective you are doing great. Keep focusing on the positives and you will too."

"I just hope I don't strip naked in the middle of the mall tomorrow," he said.

"You won't," she said. "I believe it."

"Okay," he said.

"Don't give up on yourself Dr. Reid. You've made it this far. You're doing excellent."

…

Reid, Iris, Juno, and Iris's therapist Dora Leonard accompanied them on the trip. They were each given two hundred dollars to spend however they pleased. The rule was they needed to stick together and stay within twenty feet of their therapists.

Reid was dressed in a black dress shirt and black pants. Iris was wearing a purple t-shirt and dark jeans.

"Do you ever like to dress down?" Iris asked.

"I haven't owned jeans since I was a teenager," he said.

"God you're weird."

"But you're stuck with me," he said with a slight smile.

"Let's go to Victoria's Secret!" she said. "I could use a bra fitting."

"I should have seen that coming," he muttered.

The mall only had two floors. They made they're way to the shop colored in shades of red and pink.

Iris began to blink rapidly as they walked by the tables of bras and underwear. There were also elegant negligées on display. Iris touched one that was gold and black.

"You have good taste," a sales lady said.

"My master did," she muttered.

"What?" the lady asked curiously.

Iris kept feeling the fabric.

"She thinking out loud," Reid said. "She writes erotic fiction."

"Oh cool," she said.

Iris suddenly grabbed it and made for the entrance.

"Iris," he said quickly. "Remember you need to pay for that. Then we can go to basketball practice."

"Your game is getting better," she said. "Very slowly though."

Iris gave the negligee to the sales lady.

"Maybe next time," she said.

They quickly walked out of the shop.

"That completely backfired," she said. "The goal was for you to get uncomfortable in there, not me. You didn't blink."

"I'm from Las Vegas, Iris," he said. "I didn't see many stripper's shows, but being around women's underwear doesn't faze me."

Iris sighed.

"Why don't we check out Hot Topic?" he offered.

"I haven't been in one of those in years!" she said delightedly.

Iris was in her element there. She picked out pins, a belt, and a t-shirt featuring a rock band.

"Gosh, this feels like home," she said looking around.

Reid picked up the newest sonic screwdriver from Doctor Who and bought it.

"Let's get something to eat," Reid said.

Iris got a burger, fries, and soda, while Reid got a turkey sandwich and water.

"Fast food tastes so fricking good after so much healthy crap," Iris said as she picked at her fries.

Someone started laughing loudly. It sent chills down his spine. It wouldn't stop. It echoed through his mind. He fell out of his chair and moaned.

"_You don't deserve human food, animal!"_

"A flock of birds flies through the sky," Reid said.

"You're going to be fine, Spencer," Iris said.

"Is he okay?" someone asked as Reid tried to regain his bearings.

"Panic attack," she said.

"My brother has those," he said. "They're nasty."

Reid put his hand on something sticky as he tried to get up.

"_You're filthy, you're pathetic!"_

"The birds let out a cacophony of chirps," Iris said.

Reid got up, wiped hands, and took deep breaths.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm going to be," he said.

"Let's head to the arcade," she said.

"Sure."

They walked to the video arcade and got token cards.

Iris pointed at the air hockey table.

"Let's play!"

Reid managed to get one score in before the game ended compared to Iris's three.

"Fruit ninja!" she almost shouted.

He watched as she chopped through fruit on the touch screen with gusto.

Then they played a first-person shooter game. While nothing like Hogan's Alley, Reid was surprised by how good his aim still was. He easily beat Iris.

"No fair!" she pouted. "You had professional training."

Reid merely smiled. They walked over to a game where you had to press a button at the right moment to get a ton of tickets.

"Yes!" Iris said as she got a hundred tickets.

Reid hit the button and got a thousand.

She made a face and Reid laughed.

"I'll split it with you," he said.

"No," she said. "I'm getting candy and a sparkle pen without your charity."

Reid chose a giant teddy bear holding a heart. Iris couldn't stop laughing as he carried the bear through the mall.

"Are you keeping that or shipping it to the reporter?" she asked.

"Do I look like the type of person who sleeps with a giant teddy bear?"

"I don't know you _that_ well."

Reid made a face.

"It's for Gwen," he said.

They walked to the car.

"Be sure to buckle up your bear Spencer," Iris said.

"Can't it go in the trunk?" Reid asked.

"My kid's car seat is in there," Leonard said.

"Don't worry, Spencer," Iris said. "Barry can sit between us."

Reid sighed as Iris continued to laugh.


	25. Chapter 25

I hope you enjoy.

Chapter Twenty-Five:

Maverick, crusader, and legend. These were the words frequently used to describe ABC news anchor Anna Duvall. Also known as "the Queen," she had dedicated her life to chasing after the biggest stories and interviewing the most powerful and iconic people in the world. There were few people more respected than Duvall.

So, when Calvin was invited to her home for breakfast, she couldn't possibly say no. Duvall lived in a penthouse on midtown. Her residence had been featured in countless magazines as she was known for her understated, sophisticated, taste. Calvin straightened her skirt as the butler led her to the dining room.

Duval was dressed in impeccably in a red and black suit with pearl brooch. Her gracefully graying dark hair was cut in a pixie cut. She presented a picture of elegance.

"Gwen, welcome!" she said. "Have a seat."

"Thank you, Anna," Calvin said.

"Eat whatever you'd like as we know carbs don't count until lunch."

Calvin helped herself to some eggs and sausage.

"Mimosa?" Duvall asked as a tray was presented.

"One couldn't hurt," Calvin said and took a glass.

"Exactly," Duvall said with a smile.

Calvin sipped it slowly.

"Do you know why you're here, Gwen?" she asked.

"I have some ideas. You know the newsroom is as bad as high school," Calvin said. "Rumor is you're not renewing your contract with ABC in June."

"You do know how to keep your ear to the ground Gwen," she said. "I have every intention of retiring."

"Congratulations," Gwen said and raised her glass. "I wish you a happy, carefree retirement."

Duvall clinked it.

"I want you to be my replacement."

Calvin nearly choked on her sip.

"What?"

"Why did you think I invited you up here?" she asked.

"To offer some advice on how to handle the media spectacle that became of my personal life."

"Oh, you're handling that fine," she said with a wave of her hand. "In fact, the way you handled it only impressed me even more."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say yes then," she said. "Do you know how many of your other colleagues would die for this opportunity?"

"Anna, why me?" Calvin asked. "PAX doesn't get nearly the same audience share as the other cable stations, so I'm hardly a household name."

"The way you handled the Reid story," she said. "I mean, climbing a tree to evade corrupt law enforcement? I'm surprised no one has bought the movie rights to your life."

"I was just following my instincts," she said with a shrug.

"You have good instincts," Duvall said. "You also have the integrity some of your fellow candidates lack. I wasn't in on that famous conference call, but from what I heard you sold the case to not leak information extraordinarily well."

"Thank you."

"They also say you're the last honest person in cable news," she said. "I want someone to take over my job with that kind credibility."

Calvin didn't say anything.

"Where is the hesitation coming from Gwen?" she asked. "I thought we'd be toasting your new venture by now."

"Anna, I got my start in the business when I was covering an event for the university newspaper and saw an explosion. When the reporter ran, the camera operator asked me if I would follow him to discover a gas leak had caused it. I stumbled into on-air reporting and it feels like I haven't stopped being in the right place at the right time ever since."

"So, imposter syndrome," Duvall said. "Only the best at what they do get it. It shows you are the best."

"Anna, I'm not sure I want to spend another ten years being the calming, authoritative presence audiences count on when tragedy strikes."

"Does this have anything to do with the other rumor circulating?" she asked. "That you're in love with Spencer Reid?"

"I won't deny there are sparks," she said. "I want to move on also, Anna. I'm ready to go back to writing."

"Your forty-four years old Gwen," she said sharply. "Forty is the new thirty. You'll be bored senseless two years into your early retirement."

"You don't know everything about me," Calvin said firmly.

"Throwing everything away for love is stupid," Duvall said. "Love is temporary, compared to a legacy of powerful journalism. Do you really want to only be known as Mrs. Reid one day? Or would you rather be remembered as the person exposed world leaders for who they were, and got pop icons to share their greatest secrets?"

"We have different visions of what happiness looks like," Calvin said. "I am pleased with the legacy I am leaving behind. What I want next is for my words to speak louder than my television persona."

"Like, the song, you're a fool for love," she said. "If you say no now, you a closing to door on the last big break you'll ever receive. Put Spencer Reid out of your head think: You have an opportunity to be one of the greatest journalists of your time. Or you can be remembered as the one who walked away from opportunity for a damaged FBI agent."

"He is not damaged!" Calvin almost shouted.

"I have heard descriptions of the leaked footage that didn't make it into your precious special. Did you know the man hasn't worn any clothing in three years? Imagine trying to live with that kind of person who is probably damaged mentally beyond repair. I don't think that is a life for you Gwen."

"Spencer Reid is sweet, smart, and incredibly strong!" Gwen shouted. "He has fought hard for people like you not to look down on him for his trauma. You're only adding to his pain by thinking he can't recover."

"You're more delusional than I thought," Duvall said.

"Anna, I respect everything you have in your career as you have the paved the way for women like me to succeed. But I will not abide by you disrespecting the name of a distinguished federal agent."

Calvin stood up.

"You're a hero to so many young women in this world," she said as her voice shook. "But even heroes have flaws. I won't expose yours for the greater good, but after what you just said about a man worthy of admiration regardless of whether I am romantically interested in him, you have one less admirer."

"Ricardo, see her out," Duvall said.

A butler appeared.

"You're going to regret this," Duvall said.

"I don't think I will," Calvin said and didn't look back.

…

Calvin had just put her coat down when Nick appeared.

"Rumor has it you met with the Queen," he said.

"What do you think happened?" she asked.

"If I know that tone, she said something to royally piss you off."

"Where do you think my relationship with Reid will be in five years, Nick?" she asked.

"By then you will both be best-selling authors, and choosing how to live compared to the rest of us plebs."

"What do you think Anna Duvall said?"

"To say something negative about her is akin to asking for a pink slip. But honestly, the woman is pretty high on herself. She said something negative about Reid while offering you her job, and you all but stormed out."

"That's about it in a nutshell," she said.

"While I applaud your audacity, you know there's going to be blowback, right? Anna Duvall is going to make life difficult for you and Reid."

"Oh god," she said with a moan.

"What are you going to do?"

A steely glint suddenly appeared in her eye.

"Fight back."


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks for the support!

Chapter Twenty-Six:

Reid watched as Iris stole the ball from Morgan and landed a perfect free throw.

"When are you going to stop going easy on me Derek?" she said.

"I'm not," Morgan said as he huffed. "You've got skills kid."

"I didn't play much while in the cult," she said. "I had to play soccer a couples time though. Yuck."

Morgan looked shocked.

"Talking about what happened doesn't trigger me," she said. "The difference between fifteen and three and not being held in a basement and allowed to interact with other people."

"It's her coping mechanism," Reid said quietly.

"What's on your mind, Spencer?" Iris asked. "Your head isn't in the game as much and don't blame Derek's presence."

"Gwen sent me a letter," he said. "She can't see me for a few weeks as Anna Duvall is plotting against her for refusing to take a job offer."

"God, women can be such bitches," Iris said.

"I'm sorry to hear that Reid," he said. "You're still recovering though and I don't doubt you'll find a way to make it work."

"Why does it feel like every good thing that happens to me leads to something bad also happening?" Reid asked.

"It's called life," Morgan said. "You've got to fight to make the positives count for more. Reid, you have also improved so much over the past couple months. I'm proud of you, man."

"Break up the love fest," Iris said. "We're only aloud outside for two hours. Let's make it last."

"I don't know if I can keep up," Morgan said as he chased after the ball.

"Too bad!" Iris said as she grabbed it and threw the ball from half-court.

…

Reid stood nervously in the gym in his t-shirt and shorts. It would be the first time he'd be working with a male counselor. This was a big step for him.

"Hello, Dr Reid," Dr. Adam Sanchez said. "Ready to get to work?"

"Sure," he said.

"We'll work on that enthusiasm," Sanchez said with a smile.

Sanchez was slightly younger than Reid with thick muscles and a head of blond hair.

"Let's stretch you out first," he said. "I won't touch you I promise. I'll just show you how to get limber to work out."

Reid followed along as he demonstrated various ways of moving muscles around.

"Let's get your hands wrapped and hit some bags."

He watched the way Sanchez wrapped his hands and did the same.

"Tighten those gloves," Sanchez said. "I can help you or you can use teeth to tighten the other one."

Reid opted to use his teeth.

They walked over to a free-standing bag.

"This is a jab and this is a cross," Sanchez said and demonstrated.

Reid hit the bag the way Sanchez did.

"Dr. Reid, the bag will only wobble, it won't hit you back. Hit it harder."

He hit with a little more force.

"Better," he said. "Again."

He hit it again.

Sanchez stepped in front of the bag.

"Dr. Reid what is holding you back?"

"I'm scared," he said. "I'm scared I won't get out of here. I'm scared I won't be able to make it work with my possible girlfriend. Every situation has the potential to trigger a flashback no matter how strong the medication or how much I meditate."

"Fight it," Sanchez said. "You don't have to live in fear. You can fight. I know you can, which is why you're working once a week with me now. Don't dismiss all your progress. Believe in yourself Dr. Reid, because so many people here do."

Sanchez stepped to the side. "Now hit the person who is hurting you the most. The person who is holding you back from being the best version of you."

Reid looked into the shiny black surface of the bag.

"Me."

He hit it twice with all his might. The bag actually moved a little and it made him jump.

"That's what progress looks like. Now do it again with equal force ten times."

Reid sighed.

"Progress takes effort in many different shapes, Dr. Reid," Sanchez said with a confident smile.

…

Ormes and Juno looked preoccupied when Reid came in for his therapy appointment.

"What happened?" he asked.

"This was a risk we knew we'd be taking on when you began a relationship with Gwen," Juno said.

"Unfortunately, it came to fruition," Ormes said.

"What happened?" Reid asked again.

"The press knows you're here Dr. Reid," Juno said. "Gwen warned us there'd be some blowback from her recent confrontation with Anna Duvall. Unfortunately, it fell on you."

"Will there still be outdoor activities?" Reid asked.

"We've beefed up our security around the perimeter," Ormes said. "I am working with the administration to make sure the lives of everyone here are not interrupted. So no, nothing is going to change."

"I'm sorry I brought this on you," he said.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Dr. Reid," Juno said. "This isn't the first time this has happened while I've worked at a facility. Unlike hospitals and other facilities, the staff is paid well to maintain the privacy of the patients here. Eventually, they do go away when they find there is no story."

"What if there is?" Reid asked. "What if visitors of other patients, I have interacted with talk-"

"Dr. Reid, the what ifs are for us worry about," Ormes said. "Every doctor here works with the other doctors to ensure the well-being of their patients. Trust, I know doesn't come easily, but you need to trust us to look out for you."

"I hate being the cause of trouble."

"No one said you were," Juno said. "Life is about facing obstacles head-on and handling them. We're handling the press while you focus on you. You're making great progress Dr. Reid, don't let the presence of the media ruin it."

"I won't," Reid said. "I want to make this work. I want a future beyond these walls."

"That's the spirit," Ormes said.

"Would you like to discuss your first session with Dr. Sanchez?" Juno asked.

"I guess I don't know my own strength," he said with a slight laugh. "Sanchez wants to keep pushing my momentum forward."

"Tell us more," Ormes said.

…

Reid's room faced a gated parking lot, so he couldn't see any of the media activity. He was still worried about the hassle this was going to cause for the staff and visitors alike. Despite Juno's assurances, Reid was still worried about leaks.

There was a knock on his door. He opened it to see Hal, one of his frequent trivia contest partners.

"They're playing Rise of Skywalker in the rec room tonight. You in?" he asked.

It was last movie he saw before he was abducted three weeks later in January. Reid played that movie back in his head more than a hundred times while in captivity. He was positively sick of it.

"This edition includes deleted scenes," Hal said.

Reid realized he needed to keep punching the version of himself easily triggered. He needed to keep fighting to be a better person, capable of one day living beyond the walls of Mercer. It was all about fighting to win.

"Sure," he said. "It sounds like fun."


	27. Chapter 27

Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Nick knocked on Calvin's open door.

"How's operation sabotage Duvall going?"

"Nick, do you have a life outside of here?" Calvin asked as she reviewed the rundown.

"Not when what is going on in here is so interesting," he said. "Rumor has you talked her other top candidates out of taking the job."

"I refuse to confirm or deny anything," she said.

"I also heard, the sheriff is prepared to do an exclusive with Duvall," he said.

"I heard that too," she said. "I'm working on undermining it."

"Who needs a life when things are so interesting here."

"I used to play D&D with my uncle and cousins. You should try it if you want to see something with more bloodshed and strategy."

"No, seeing you slay Duvall sounds more appealing."

"You put too much faith in me," Calvin said. "I'll be lucky if I land a decent shot."

Connie appeared with a giant smile on her face.

"I need to close the door for this," she said.

"Nick, are you clocked out?" Calvin asked.

"Of course," he said. "Can I stay?"

She sighed.

"Fine."

Connie closed the door and went around to Calvin computer. She plugged a thumb drive in.

"Raw, uncut footage, of Duvall's interview with Iris Gordon."

"I'm not asking how you got this," Calvin said.

"I'll never tell," she said.

"Thank you for agreeing to talk with me Iris," Duvall said. "I imagine this must be very difficult for you."

"Thank you, Ms. Duvall for giving me the chance to share my story with the world."

Duvall laughed.

"Call me Anna."

"Okay, Anna," Iris said with a nervous smile.

"Tell us what would you like the audience at home to know about you."

"I don't really want to talk about myself as much as I want to describe the runaway epidemic in America," she said. "I was a moody teenager who lived near a haven for people who don't want to be found so, it was assumed that I didn't want to be found. That's how I ended up in a sex cult for sixteen years."

"You sound angry," Duvall said.

"I prefer the term bitter. I got over being angry as I learned I was not the only perceived runaway in the cult. I found a sisterhood there and they treated me with respect I didn't have at home. Oh, it sucked being raped and abused on a regular basis, but I was grateful I wasn't alone."

"What's life like here? At the Mercer Institute."

"Oh, it could be worse," she said. "I have to talk about my feelings a lot, but I'm also catching up on a lot of TV. I saw the ending of Lost, which turned out to be kind of dumb. Have you seen Pretty Little Liars? It is hysterical."

"Have you made any friends here?"

"A federal agent," she said. "I didn't friend him so much as he was threatening to jump off the roof during my cigarette break and I stopped him. Now our shrinks are pairing us together a lot."

"What did you say that stopped him?"

"I told him about hearing my mother's voice as I put my foot over the ledge when I tried it myself a couple months before. That scared him, I think. Now he feels indebted to me for saving his life and I could care less."

"Do you discuss your trauma with each other?"

"He's cagier about it and I think what he went through was worse honestly. Talking about it for me is just part of life. I can't deny the fact that I spent my adult life getting whipped around in negligees."

"People have seen the piece with Reid done with Gwen Calvin and think that Calvin is in love with him."

"I never said the name of the agent," Iris said sharply.

"I just assumed," Duvall stuttered.

"Why are we talking so much about this agent guy? Not one person put a up missing person flyer for me. Cops didn't raid my room for clues because my mother read my last diary entry about hating everyone wishing to escape my awful life. I saw the footage of hunts for American missing children on European TV! Now all you want to talk about is this federal agent who was only gone for three years. Story of my life!

"I'm sorry, Iris," Duvall said. "You are important and your story matters. Can we start over?"

"You know what, I'll tell you about Spencer Reid since you're so curious. Spencer doesn't talk much about his personal life but he said he liked talking to that Gwen lady in person. She recently sent a letter saying she couldn't see him anytime soon as she pissed off some bigwig shrew who was threatening to make her life miserable."

"You are a clearly worked up, Iris," Duvall said. "I think we should end it here."

"I hear they call you the queen," she said. "I thought it referred to your regal looks, now I think it refers to your 'off with the head' kind of attitude."

Duvall stood up and towered over Iris.

"No one talks to me like that!" she roared as a counselor stepped forward. "You're just a damaged little girl in a grownup's body who didn't learn how to respect her elders."

"God, you remind me of some of madams I worked for," she said with a roll of her eyes. "I bet you haven't been laid since before I was abducted."

"You little bitch!" Duvall screamed and turned to the camera. "Shut that damn thing off."

The screen went black.

Connie and Nick turned to Calvin.

"So how much did you coach her?" Nick asked.

"Not as much as you think," Calvin said with a barely suppressed grin.

"She's been at this for over forty years," Connie. "You'd think she'd know how to handle a few barbs."

"She hasn't interviewed anyone challenging in a while," Calvin said.

"Whose idea was it to comment on her sex life?" Nick asked

"Iris," Calvin said. "She said one of the reasons no one went looking for her was the fact that she served a few detentions for mouthing off to her teachers."

"Admit you're enjoying this," Connie said.

"No, I don't like messing with the queen. I've edited the rundown."

Connie looked at it and laughed.

"When the hell did you interview Iris over the phone?" she asked. "Duvall just finished interviewing her!"

"Last night," she said. "Mercer has been very accommodating."

Nick rubbed his hands together.

"What are you going to do about the sheriff?"

"When you are kind of dating an FBI agent, you're dating the agency. I have access to more information than I could have dreamed of and I'm flying in Spall's mistress for an interview this afternoon."

"Game on," Connie said with a grin.

"Listen, you two, this may feel like a game because I have to strategize a few moves ahead of Duvall, but this is about making sure Spencer Reid's progress stays on track. I don't care nearly as much about the relationship aspect as much as making sure Duvall doesn't hurt him. I got lucky Iris was an eager participant, but if I know Duvall, this is far from over."

"You can count on me," Connie said.

"I'm happy to help however you need me," Nick said.

"Good," Calvin said.

"Yay team," Connie said.


	28. Chapter 28

My Christmas Eve post might be up a little earlier so I can get my Christmas post up earlier. For those wondering: I'm spending Christmas with my cousin Liz, whose mom has dementia and doesn't know my mom is dead. We're going to lie and say she's sick if she thinks to ask, which she might not as she doesn't always recognize Liz. This is why I have no issue with spoiling the daylights out of the Liz's two kids.

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

The rich aroma of coffee filled the air amid the cacophony of whirring machines and crowds of chattering customers. This place felt like home to Reid as he waited in line for his usual order at the coffee shop.

Then he saw it. A grease-stained t-shirt and jeans.

Reid kept telling himself it wasn't him. The line began to move and he heard his voice. It was a deep baritone sound.

Suddenly the man had his hand on his throat.

"No," Reid said. "You are not here."

"You okay mister?" the barista said as he came to the front of the line.

Reid blinked. No one was holding his throat.

"I'm never okay until I've had my morning coffee," he said with a laugh.

She smiled.

"What'll it be?"

"Vente black with lots of sugar."

"Name?"

"Spencer."

"ANIMAL!"

Reid ignored him.

"That'll be three-fifty."

He handed her his card.

"YOU'LL ALWAYS BE JUST A FILTHY ANIMAL!"

Reid signed the receipt.

"It'll be right up," she said.

He stepped to the side and waited. Reid felt Uris's heavy breathing on his neck.

"You don't deserve coffee. You only deserve what I give you, because you're weak and pathetic."

Reid ignored him as he waited.

"You are nothing!"

Reid knew Uris had no power over him if he didn't respond to his taunts. He wasn't going to let Uris win.

"Done!" Ormes shouted.

Reid pulled off the virtual reality headset.

"That was impressive," Juno said.

"Your coffee," Ormes said as she handed him a mug.

"Only one weird utterance," Reid said after taking a sip. "I'm getting better."

"I'll say," Juno said.

They were in a situation simulation room. This one had a coffee machine to add actual smells to give the setting a greater sense of reality.

"I'm amazed at how far virtual reality had advanced," Reid said.

"It has become one of our favorite tools for simulating the real world in a controlled setting," Ormes said.

"Uris feels so real, but I know I'm imagining him in every setting," Reid said. "But I'm fighting back, his voices aren't controlling my choices."

"This is the fifth simulation we've run," Ormes said. "You've completed them all satisfactorily."

Juno and Ormes exchanged a look.

"Where would you like to go?" Juno asked.

Reid knew exactly where.

…

Juno, Ormes, and Reid left at sunrise before the media arrived in a van with tinted windows. Reid clutched his flowers tightly. This would be his third trip outside of Mercer after a visit to another institution, and the mall. They wove through the growing traffic in DC. It still felt so foreign to be out and about.

The grass was dewy as they walked across the cemetery. It didn't take long to find his mother's headstone.

"_Love will not be constrain'd by mastery. When mast'ry comes, the god of love anon Beateth his wings, and, farewell, he is gone. Love is a thing as any spirit free."_

Geoffrey Chaucer

Diana Reid

1960-2021

Loving Mother

"Hi, Mom," he said. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to get here. I miss you mom. You are everything to me. I'd wonder how I would go on if I ever got out. Now I do. I need to live. I need to live for you, in your honor. Every day is another day to make you proud. I'll never stop being the son you loved so much. I love you mom."

"Keep digging boy."

Reid jumped.

"Tobias?"

"You're a sinner," he said menacingly. "You deserve to die like one."

Reid gripped the flowers harder.

"I won't let you win. None of you. Uris, Hankel, Cat. None of you have power over me. My name is Dr. Spencer Reid. I am stronger than all of you!"

Reid put the flowers in the vase by his mother's grave and kissed her name without worrying about germs. He stood up and walked to where Juno and Ormes were standing.

"Hankel appearing," he said. "That's new."

"Your flashbacks are shifting as you enter a new stage of recovery," Juno said. "Let's get you back to the institute."

"That sounds good," he said. "Can we go through the drive through for Starbucks?"

Ormes smiled.

"That's fine."

Reid looked one last time at his mother's grave and wiped a few tears away.

…

Since it was raining, Reid and Iris played checkers for a change.

"So, during the special, Mallory Lang said that Spall would buy her these expensive gifts to keep her from asking him to divorce his wife," Iris said. "She often wondered where the money came from but was too scared as he liked to shoot his gun at beer cans when he was drunk."

Reid had only learned of the sheriff and hospital's involvement in his captivity a month ago. It shocked him, but it also explained how Uris was able to evade authorities when he was paying them to keep his secrets.

He sighed.

"What's on your mind?" she asked.

"What do you dream about after this?" he said.

"Losing to you and seeing if Gossip Girl is any good. I've heard it's not."

"I'm serious, Iris," he said.

"Really, I want a dog. A big, stupid, dog. I've wanted one since I was a kid but my mom was allergic. I want a big lab that worships the ground I walk on for feeding and playing with him. I wouldn't mind the slobber. I just want something that loves me back unconditionally."

"I think that's what we both want in the end," Reid said. "To feel loved."

"We're stuck here for a bit longer, Spencer. I try not to think too far ahead. We're both doing the best we can. You're not freaking out as much and I'm softening up. We're changing in here. Who knows what we'll be when we leave?"

"That is one interesting question," Reid said.

"I think, I hope, a better more stable people," she said. "I want to believe we're going to be okay. What do you think?"

"I think," Reid said slowly. "You're right."

"As always," she said with a smile.

…

Reid woke up in the middle of the night. Something wasn't right. He felt it in his gut. There was something wrong in the air.

He ran out of his room and took the elevator to the roof. The code had been cracked ages ago by a covert group effort during the evening hours. Someone redid the code for new lock on the door to the roof. Reid typed in the day Iris was abducted. It clicked open.

Iris was standing on the roof wearing nothing but a bra and underwear clutching an envelope.

"He found me," she said. "Francois Lacourt found me."

"He can't hurt you Iris," Reid said. "He isn't here."

She threw him the envelope. Reid looked at it under the bright moon. Inside were pictures of her in therapy with a note in French saying: "You are mine forever. I will get you back, Iris. Love, Francois."

"I'm sorry Spencer," she said as she cried. "I can't be your rock anymore. I love you Spencer, but I need to go."

"Iris, this was written by a woman," he shouted desperately.

"You're lying!" she screamed.

"Iris, the curve is off. Women's handwriting tilts to the left while men tilt to the right. The I's are slightly heart-shaped. Someone is messing with you Iris. Can't you see that!?"

"It doesn't matter," she said. "Some one'll want me back. Someone, will take me. The minute I step out of here, I'll be captured again. Goodbye Spencer."

"MAEVE!" He screamed.

She turned back.

"Who the Hell is that?" she asked

"Get off the ledge and I'll tell you," he said.

"That's not going to work on me," she said.

"She was my girlfriend killed in a murder suicide by her stalker."

"That is f**ked up."

"Then I was drugged into thinking a murderer was her so I would ejaculate sperm to impregnate an assassin who framed me for murder. But she used the sperm of a warden who was enabling my abuse in prison instead."

She stepped off the ledge.

"Why haven't you told me any of this?" she asked. "We've been together for three months now!"

"Because I was so focused on what happened in the last three years, I haven't been able to fully bridge the other parts of my life until now."

"Tell me more," she said.

"Only if we go inside," he said.

She sighed. "We're even now."

They took the elevator down.

"I nearly ended up buried alive once," Reid said.

"You're kidding," she said.

"That was after he hooked me on narcotics while torturing me for three days."

"I'm amazed you aren't more f**ked up Spencer,"

Counselors appeared with blankets and Iris let herself be covered. She looked back at him and Reid nodded. They refused to let each other down.


	29. Chapter 29

Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-Nine:

Calvin sat in the semi-darkness of Duvall's dining room late at night with a glass of scotch in her hand and a bottle on the table. She very slowly sipped it.

When Duvall walked in, she didn't seem to notice her at first as she put her purse down. She jumped when she saw her, but quickly recovered.

"Who let you in?"

"Ricardo," she said. "I told him about the little stunt you pulled and he was more than happy to cooperate."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said. "Where'd you get that scotch from?"

"I brought it with a pair of glasses," she said. "This was a gift from my first boss at a news station. He said to open it when I felt I had reached the high point of my career. Would you care for a taste?"

"No. Get out!"

"That was a really nice gift of old reporter's notebooks to the Columbia school of journalism," Calvin said as she held the glass up. "My question is, why didn't you have someone else do it? Why risk a handwriting analysis?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" she roared get out.

"They also did a rush order on the DNA exam of the envelope using silverware from the Twenty-One club you dined at two days ago for comparison. Someone with your password accessed the evidence database relating to the Gordon case. You threatened Iris Gordon, Anna, and the Feds have all the evidence they need to arrest you."

"Well, why haven't they then?" she asked with confidence.

"There's a serial killer on the loose on Boston," she said. "They had to transfer the case to the local Feds to handle. Someone should be knocking on your door shortly."

"So, you're here to gloat?"

"I'm here as a warning, Anna. Mess with anyone associated with Spencer Reid ever again, while you'll only face probation after you plead to lesser charges, your career won't just be over. Your legacy will be destroyed. Who is the fool now?"

Duvall walked over and grabbed the bottle by the stem and smashed it. In one swift motion she thrust the stem across Calvin's throat.

Feds burst in and threw Duvall against the wall. Calvin held her neck.

"We need paramedics!"

Calvin blacked out as she heard Duvall screaming incoherently.

…

She woke up to Connie and Nick reading magazines in her room covered in flowers and balloons.

"What happened?" she asked tried to ask, but it hurt to talk.

"Take it easy Gwen," Connie said. "You won't be able to talk properly for a couple days."

Connie gave her, her phone.

At first it was hard to text, as she still felt foggy.

"Duvall came within in millimeter of killing you," Nick said. "You're lucky that scotch bottle was made of tempered glass."

"She's pleading temporary insanity," Connie said.

Calvin rolled her eyes.

"I know, that rarely works," Connie said. "But she has already retained Aaron Lake."

"The lawyer celebrities use when they know they're screwed," Nick said.

She texted about whether Reid's old team knew.

Connie shook her head.

"They haven't been in touch," she said. "I assume they know. You're a national story."

"International," Nick said. "It's not often a news anchor gets their throat sliced by a news legend in America."

Ace Cornell appeared.

"Hey, Gwen," he said. "How are you feeling?"

Calvin shook her head and pointed the phone.

"Oh, you can't talk, which makes sense," he said. "I just wanted to drop by to let you know you can take off as much time as you need to recover. You have the full support of the network."

Calvin nodded her thanks.

"I don't think is any more room for balloons or flowers, but maybe a card," he said and handed it to Calvin.

She gasped and showed it to Connie and Nick. They both smiled.

"Congrats on your Emmy award nominations, Gwen," Nick said.

Calvin suddenly felt very tired.

"We should let you rest," Connie said.

"See you later Gwen," Nick said.

"Congratulations, Gwen," Cornell said.

She then drifted off into oblivion.

…

"Our very own Gwen Calvin is said to be making a speedy recovery tonight after being attacked by Anna Duvall. On the verge of being arrested for a litany of charges relating to sending a threatening letter to Iris Gordon, Gwen had come to warn about a harassing any further associates of Spencer Reid. This sent Duval into a flurry of rage in which she slashed Calvin's throat semi-superficially, before being restrained by authorities. Calvin is expected to be released in the next few days. We wish her well."

Calvin turned off the TV. She had been cocky. Too cocky with the business of the scotch bottle. She thought by showing off, she'd establish herself as an equal. That went horribly wrong. She'd never stop kicking herself over it.

"Hey Gwen."

She turned to see Prentiss in the doorway.

"I know you can't talk so I'll do the talking for you. Don't beat yourself up over what you did."

Calvin stared at her in disbelief.

"I know how you think Gwen. You were trying to assert authority in the situation and it backfired. It happens. You did not know she was going to try to kill you. None of this is your fault."

Calvin sighed.

"It can be exhausting, being in Reid's orbit," she said. "I know how hard you've worked with minimal reward. Your hard work will pay off in the future. I promise."

Tears filled Calvin's eyes.

Prentiss touched her hand.

"It's okay, Gwen. Reid knows you were hurt recently and suspects it is connected to what happened to Iris. His therapists are working to assure him that none of this is his fault either. Bad people sometimes get in the way of what we want. The thing is, we can't let them win. We won't let them win."

Calvin nodded.

"There was a time when I thought Reid was dead. It had been a year and three months after his abduction. I was hit by a bullet during an unsub takedown and was bleeding out. I called out for Reid and he didn't respond. Then I knew he wasn't dead. He'd come back and we would all be happy."

Calvin smiled.

"You will be happy with Reid one day," Prentiss said with passion. "I promise."

Calvin held Prentiss's hand and nodded. She believed her. Happiness was in her destiny as well as Reid's.


	30. Chapter 30

Merry Christmas! In the spirit of the holiday, consider giving a gift in the form of a review, if not today, as it is a time to spend with family, another time.

Chapter Thirty:

Reid felt her breath on his neck and tried not to panic. Mira Sage held one hand and had her other hand on his hip.

"Relax, Dr. Reid," she said. "Alexa, play waltz number three."

Sage had long curly brown hair tied up in a ponytail. Slightly older than him, she had the figure of a ballerina.

They attempted to glide across the floor.

"Don't look at your feet," she said. "Focus on your posture."

Reid never felt more uncoordinated. It felt too weird being so close to anyone. His steps were wooden and his count was off. He was truly terrible.

"Alexa, pause," Sage said and let go of him.

Reid breathed a sigh of relief.

"What are you afraid of Dr. Reid?" she asked.

"Touch," he said. "It feels like I'm on fire when you touch me."

"When's the last time you felt comfortable being touched?" she asked.

"I can't remember," he said.

"I thought you remembered everything."

"It is just so hard," he said. "Every touch led to abuse eventually. It all feels so wrong. Even hugs from my friends feel okay, but then they don't after a while. What is wrong with me?"

"You have suffered through a lot in over three years Dr. Reid. I am sure other therapists have told you what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I'm here to break you out of that shell. By any means necessary."

Sage walked to the center of the dance studio.

"Alexa, play Happy by Pharel Williams."

She started clapping and shaking her hips. Sage hopped to the beat.

"Dance with me," she said.

"How?" he asked.

"Just move Dr. Reid," she said. "Breathe and move."

He began to sway slightly as Sage spun. Reid stomped his feet to the rhythm and clapped.

"Okay," she said. "Alexa, stop."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm not into this."

"Don't worry about it. Sit down lotus style and close your eyes. Have you seen Frozen II?"

"No," he said as he sat down.

"Alex a play The Next Right thing."

Reid never imagined a kid song would begin with: "Hello darkness, I'm ready to succumb." The song spoke to him on so many levels for a movie about princesses. His whole journey so far had been about focusing on trying take everything one step at a time towards a brighter future. There were tears in his eyes at the end.

He looked at Sage. She offered her hand.

"Are you ready to try again?"

He nodded and took her hand.

"Alexa, play waltz number four," she said.

He was still wooden and couldn't stay on beat. But Sage was patient with him. He let her adjust his posture, even when it unnerved him. It was all about breaking everything down to the next moment.

Sage smiled at the end.

"You're getting there," she said.

…

"I just don't see the appeal of it," Iris said as they hung out in the rec room. "So, it's a different person playing the same character when the actor gets tired of playing the role. And all the episodes end the same: The Doctor used her magic wand, excuse me sonic screwdriver, to reverse the polarity while a companion flips a switch and everything goes boom with no real damage except to the bad guy. Then they go off on a more interesting adventure that isn't shown."

"That is a gross oversimplification of the show," he said.

"What don't you like about Pretty Little Liars?" she asked.

"The cops would have caught the A group long before they started tormenting the girls. And how many secret evil twins are there be among one population?"

"You just don't like shows without tentacles and face putty," Iris said.

"You just don't like shows that extend beyond the realm of possibility," Reid said.

They both sighed and sat back on the couch.

"God we both had a couple sucky weeks," she said. "Anna Duvall nearly sent me off the roof and almost offed your girlfriend."

"I keep telling myself things will get better," Reid said. "I talked with Gwen over the phone a couple days ago and she sounds fine."

"At least the bitch was denied bail," Iris said. "I wouldn't put it past her to pay another guy to use a drone with a telephoto lens to get pictures of me."

"They're going to allow me to start reading parts of the newspaper," he said. "I've missed that."

"You'll have that done in three seconds."

"Thirty actually, or thirty-two depending on the size of the paper," Reid said.

"Have you heard of Crisis on Infinite Earths?"

"Of course," Reid said. "It is a famous landmark DC series of comics that merged all the worlds together so that characters like the Two-Face wouldn't be battling Batman in one comic but then be an ally to Superman in another comic. It cut down on the confusion."

"They did something like that on a TV series. It made me wonder about the idea of whether there is another version of me that got to live a normal life somewhere out in the universe."

"The thing is Iris, what we know about the universe is so minute in scale compared to what we don't know. So, anything is possible."

"Do you wonder what would have happened if you hadn't done certain things, then maybe you wouldn't have ended up here?"

"Before I abducted for the first time, I saw victims from a distance as just a part of the puzzle. They were just names and numbers to me. After I became a victim, they became people. I saw myself in each of them. It made me a better agent. I also was able to confronts parts of my past I wasn't comfortable with such as when I was bullied when I was younger. I am a better person now Iris."

"Do you really believe that 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' crap?"

"We survived the impossible Iris. It shouldn't have happened to us, but anger impedes progress. I don't think we're stronger, so much as people with a fresh perspective of the treasure that is life."

"You know you really have improved a lot over the past couple months," she said.

The intercom crackled.

"Dr. Reid, please come to the visitor's room now please."

Reid stood up.

"Come on," he said. "You're family to me now Iris."

"Really?" she said.

"Some one's waiting for me," he said. "Let's see who."

Iris stood up and walked with Reid to the visitor's room.

Alvez was there with Lisa, who was holding a newborn baby.

"This is Juan Reid Alvez," Alvez said.

Reid felt overwhelmed.

"You didn't have to name your kid after me!" he said.

"Red is also my favorite color," Lisa said. "Reid is an old spelling of Red, so I like it too."

Reid turned to Iris.

"Guys, this is Iris," he said. "A friend of mine."

"Nice to meet you Iris," Lisa said.

"Same," Iris said.

"Would you like to hold him?" Lisa asked Reid.

"Can I?" he said nervously as he looked to therapist in the corner. He nodded and smiled.

Reid held the child. He was so small and so precious. Juan looked at Reid curiously. It felt good to hold something so unblemished by the world.

"Can Iris hold him?" he asked.

"Sure," Alvez said.

Iris looked nervous.

"Just remember to hold secure the head," Reid said as he handed him to her.

"I can't remember the last time I held a baby," she said. "He's beautiful."

"Thank you," Lisa said.

"Noel, Noel/Noel, Noel/" Iris sang. "The First Noel, the Angels did say/Was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay/In fields where they lay keeping their sheep/On a cold winter's night that was so deep/Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel/Born is the King of Israel!"

Everyone in the was stunned by the beauty of her singing voice. There were tears in Iris's eyes.

"I swore I'd never sing again after what they did to me," she said. "But, but, I just needed to show this child my gift."

Juan was peacefully sleeping. Alvez took him back.

"Thank you," Alvez said. "Reid is lucky to have you as a friend."

She wiped away the tears and looked to Reid.

"It goes both ways," she said.

"Absolutely," Reid said.


	31. Chapter 31

Merry Christmas. I got a Felicity American Girl doll, as I learned how to read alone with her character as a kid, among a few other things. It was fun visiting my cousin and I think gave her daughter the third unicorn, she got that day.

Chapter Thirty-One:

"Finally, tonight, a reflection and a big announcement. First: Anna Duvall. She was the news anchor we all aspired to be. She was persistent, objective, and I thought kind. It turns out we don't know our heroes as well as we thought. The Anna I got to know was no longer driven by the search for the truth, but by preserving her legacy. During a meeting she called me a fool for love as I had turned down the offer to take her job. Anna was publicly humiliated by an affair her then-husband had a decade ago. I think she gave up on love at that point and focused entirely on her career.

I don't want to be Anna Duvall. My tenure as an anchor for PAX will end in August. I am ready to return to being a private citizen. I want to pursue my passion for life outside of news. This isn't the last you'll hear from me as I intend to write. I don't want anger and bitterness to enter my heart the way it did for Anna Duvall. Which is why I am leaving on a high note. We still have a little less than three months together and I intend to treasure every moment of it. I'm Gwen Calvin, thanks for watching."

When filming ended, the crew began to clap.

Calvin laughed.

"Save it for my last broadcast!" she said.

"That was done beautifully, Gwen," Connie said.

"Thank you," she said.

"Have you decided whether you're going to pick a successor, or let them fight it out?"

"I'm still giving it some thought."

"I'm happy for you, regardless, Gwen. Good luck."

"Awe, save the sappiness for later. I don't want to start crying now!"

"Oh, I'll make you cry later," Connie said with a laugh.

"I'll make sure to have waterproof makeup on," she said.

"Have any plans this weekend to celebrate?" Connie asked.

"None that I'll share with you or anyone else in the building."

"Tell Reid a random news producer said hello and that he is a very lucky man."

Calvin didn't say anything as she went to wipe her makeup off.

…

Calvin ran into Iris on her way to see Reid. They had planned a board game day.

"The NBA finals are on," she said. "The lunatics are running the insane asylum today."

"Don't call people lunatics," she said. "And this isn't an insane asylum."

"You can do whatever you want with Reid today and no one will notice," Iris said with a smile.

Calvin blushed.

"I don't like what you're implying," she said.

"I know I lack a filter because I wasn't raised according to conventional standards. I use it to my advantage."

"Iris," Calvin. "I like Reid but neither of us are ready for what you're suggesting."

"You may not feel like it, but you never know," she said with a smile and put something Calvin's coat pocket. She then darted off.

Calvin pulled it out and sighed. It was condom. She wondered where Iris got it from.

She knocked and found Reid wearing t-shirt and sweatpants.

"I'm ready to get my butt kicked multiple games," she said with a laugh as she took her coat off.

Why did the word "butt" sound so weird coming out of her mouth? Iris had gotten into her head.

"I don't know," he said. "We'll see how good a player you are."

She hadn't been a player in years. Calvin was starting hate Iris.

"Let's try Scrabble," Reid said.

"But with rules," she said. "No scientific terms and only English words."

"Okay," Reid said.

It was a surprisingly even game. Calvin's years of proofreading were paying off. Reid actually looked frustrated by the fact that he wasn't winning by more. All the while, Calvin couldn't get Iris out of her head.

"Does the scar itch?" he asked as he collected more tiles, over the sudden roar down the hall. The game must have been heating up.

"It is used to," she said and then boldly asked: "Would you like to feel it?"

"If it doesn't bother you," Reid said.

"No," she said.

Reid leaned over and touched it gently. He rubbed softly. Then her hand lingered down her blouse. He blushed when he realized what he was doing and tried to stop, but Calvin gently touched his hand as she partially unbuttoned her blouse. Reid pushed his hand deeper in and then let go suddenly.

"Are we really doing this?" he asked.

"We're only doing whatever you want to do, Spencer," Calvin said. "If you're not ready that's fine."

Reid scooted over and unbuttoned the rest of her blouse. He carefully took it off. Massaging her arms, he reached for her bra. At first, he struggled, but Calvin didn't dare touch him. Eventually, he got it off.

"May I kiss you?" she asked as she started to breath heavily.

"Please," he said.

She kissed him tentatively but he kissed her back with more force. Their lips were locked for a long time as Reid fondled her chest.

"Let's move," she said when they finally came up for air.

Reid simply stared at her for a moment. She stood up.

"Take everything off," she said.

She kicked her heels off and he slowly pealed every piece of clothing, stockings included, off.

"You're beautiful," he said.

"You're hot too," she said.

"You do me now," he said.

"No," she said. "Maybe next time, but it is up to you this round."

He undressed quickly. For a moment they stared each other as they stood naked. Calvin reached into a pile of clothes and found the condom.

"Good thinking," he said.

Calving let Reid lead in every moment of their intercourse. It was a little unnerving, as he tensed up occasionally, but at the same time it was a positively fascinating experience. Reid was extremely gentle. When they were done, Reid disposed of the condom and laid by her side.

"How uncomfortable was that?" he asked.

"Sex is almost always weird the first time," she said. "We don't know each other's likes and dislikes yet. It's a process."

"Are we moving too fast?" he asked.

"Does it matter?" she asked. "This is not a normal relationship Spencer. I think by having sex now, we're eliminating some tension in the air so the rest of the relationship can progress."

"It felt amazing," he said slowly. "I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it with a woman, but you were incredible Gwen. I think I love you."

"I think I love you too Spencer," Calvin said.

There was a sudden single knock on the door.

Reid threw a blanket to Calvin and looked to the door. He leaned down and picked up a paper and a condom.

"The basketball game has gone into overtime," Reid groaned. "Iris gave you the first one, didn't she?"

"She cares about you like an older brother," Calvin said.

"Thankfully nothing more," he said.

He proceeded to put it on.

"This time, you lead," he said.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Positive," he said.

They started again. Calvin had never felt happier than she did with Reid's arms wrapped around her.


	32. Chapter 32

I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Thirty-Two:

"I'm not surprised it happened this weekend," Ormes said. "Even I was in a betting pool for the Lakers."

"Are you angry?" Reid asked anxiously.

"No Dr. Reid," Ormes said assuredly. "While it is frowned upon, as long as consent was established in the relationship, there will be no consequences."

"Are you up for discussing it?" Juno asked.

"Yes," Reid said. "It felt incredible? Gwen let me lead in every way imaginable. I never felt more in control of a situation, I forgot intimacy can be enjoyable. The second time, I let her lead and she was gentle and careful about how she touched me. It was delightful."

"Dr. Reid, do you realize what you just said?" Juno said. "You still tense when being touched now, but you had intercourse, the most intimate form of touch, and you enjoyed yourself. That is incredible."

"We would never advocate sex as a form of therapy," Ormes said. "But what you did with Gwen shows you are capable of so much more."

"It didn't feel like abuse," he said thoughtfully. "I was in control. Gwen liked what I did. I felt like a consenting adult. Any idea where Iris got the condoms?"

"We don't stock them, so presumably, a visitor," Ormes said. "You need to use this experience to your advantage now. Whenever you feel Uris creeping into your mind, threatening you, use your experience with Gwen to fight it. You are in control Dr. Reid don't ever doubt it."

"I've been afraid to ask," Reid said. "But when is my discharge planning meeting going to be held?"

"In two weeks, from today," Juno said. "As we've discussed, nothing is set in stone yet. You're improving in leaps and bounds now, but we still need to make sure you're comfortable in the outside world. As we've also discussed, it is nothing to stress about."

"I feel like a kid waiting for my report card," he said.

"I know," Ormes said. "But progress is not linear, even as it has felt like it has for a couple months. Stay positive, Dr. Reid and focus on you."

"Okay," he said.

…

Reid entered the boxing ring with Sanchez.

"You don't have to do this if you're not ready," Sanchez said.

"I am," Reid said.

"Okay," he said. "Three, two, one."

Reid hit him square in the jaw. Sanchez hit back but Reid ducked and hit him again. Sanchez managed to hit him in the ribs, Reid bounced against the ropes and hit Sanchez hard in the center of his chest. They hit each other's gloves. Sanchez aimed for his head, but Reid knocked his arm away and hit him in the jaw again.

"Time," Sanchez breathlessly. "You have a spark in you that wasn't there Friday. What happened?"

"I had sex with my girlfriend," he said as he blushed.

"You know Dr. Reid, no shrink who values their license would recommend intercourse as a form of therapeutic trauma treatment, but every person is also different. You've been held back by your fear of touch. Now you finally felt an intimate touch that didn't lead to pain. I think it set some of your anxiety free and I am proud of you."

Reid couldn't help but smile.

"Are you up for another round?" Sanchez asked.

"I think I am," Reid said.

…

Reid lost the coin toss and ended up playing Dance, Dance, Revolution with Iris. At first, he felt like an idiot waving his arms around and hopping to a beat. But oddly, he started getting into it and matching some of Iris's moves.

"A good f**k really did do you wonders," Iris said.

"Where'd you get the condoms anyway?" he asked.

"Another patient," she said. "You aren't the only one getting action around here. She used to be a high school nurse, so she is big on practicing safe, consensual sex."

"Thanks," he said as he focused on his moves.

"Have the shrinks emphasized how big a deal it is that you managed to f**k without having a breakdown. It's huge!"

"I'm scared Iris," he said. "What if I regress? Will I really feel comfortable in the real world? Without you?"

"I'm touched," she said. "Ignore the sarcasm, I really am. I think you're going to be fine. You know why? You have things to live for outside these walls. Friends, godchildren, a girlfriend!"

"What about you?" he asked.

"I'm fine staying through the holidays," she said. "I'll miss you, but I think you'll be an outpatient for at least a couple months, so we'll still see each other."

"Is there anything on the outside for you, Iris?" he asked as he slowed his moves.

"My father is remarried with a new family. I have couple cousins I like who have visited, I may end up staying with in New York City. But honestly I like the idea of decorating another tree in this place."

"I can be your family, Iris," Reid said. "You're welcome to go wherever I go."

She stopped and stared at him.

"Do you really mean that?" she asked.

"I've thought about what kind of job you could get in the FBI," he said as he stopped. "I even asked my boss to ask around about a position for you. The office of Missing and Exploited Children would like to train you to comb through social media to see what kids are genuine runaways and which ones may have been abducted."

"Are you saying you actually found me a job for when I leave this place?"

"Iris, you saved my life. I know you think we're even, but you have been as instrumental as any therapist to my progress. I needed someone in my life without a filter, to push me, and to be my friend when I needed it. I'll do anything to make you happy Iris."

"Can I hug you?" she said as she started to cry.

Reid hugged her. They held on tightly as Iris cried.

"I don't have much on the outside compared to you," she said as she let go.

"Now you do," he said. "You have my family."


	33. Chapter 33

I hope you like!

Chapter Thirty-Three:

Calvin took the early train to meet with Prentiss before work. They met at a quiet restaurant where they wouldn't be recognized as it was the kind of place politicians covertly met to broker deals.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me Gwen," she said.

"Of course," Calvin said. "You didn't say much on the phone so I assumed it was something very personal."

"It is," she said and pulled out a miniature tape recorder.

"As Diana Reid's health began to decline, she asked for a tape recorder so she could leave messages for her son. Aids offered to write things down, but she wasn't convinced they were writing what she said. She also left a message for whoever Reid fell in love with. Do you have a player for this tape?"

"Somewhere," she said. "But I'd like to listen to it with you."

"Really?" Prentiss said.

"You're more than his boss, Emily. You've been working so hard to boost his spirits and keep his progress on track. You're more like a sibling to him. I think you should hear it too."

Prentiss pulled out a set of earbuds.

"They're clean," she said with a slight smile as she plugged it in.

Putting the earbuds in, they leaned in close, and listened to Diana Reid's last will:

"To whoever my son falls for: I'm sorry I won't be around to threaten to scratch your eyes out if you break his heart. He is the only thing I have ever loved with all my heart. Spencer is my greatest treasure. Listen to him ramble, because no one rambles as intelligently as he does. Don't ever think you're not smart enough, because frankly dear, no one is. Try to give him a child, because brilliance like his should live on. I know my son lives with demons, hold him tightly when they keep him up and don't let him push you away. He is the best there is, and you're lucky to have him. My son has excellent judgement, so I'm guessing you're not half-bad either. Take care of him, and I know he'll love you with all his heart. I'm sorry I won't be around to threaten to scratch your eyes out, but I'm glad you'll be there for him when I'm gone. Love, Diana."

Calvin and Prentiss looked at each other for a moment. It was very emotional. They looked away and pulled out the earbuds.

"Thank you, Emily," Calvin said. "I promise I'll take care of him."

"I know you will," she said.

"The matter of kids," Calvin said carefully. "I knew, if I ever wanted kids, I'd want them to have my DNA. I froze some of my eggs a few years ago."

"Reid has always said he's wanted children," Prentiss said. "That is up to the two of you."

"How is he doing?" she asked. "I haven't had a chance to talk to him since Sunday."

"Quiet," she said. "He's been doing so well and now he's terrified of regressing when they're evaluating him for a discharge timeline."

"He overthinks things," Calvin said. "I think it comes from being alone for so long. Being with other people helps."

"Speaking of people, has he mentioned Iris Gordon to you?" Prentiss asked.

"Yes," she said. "I find her slightly abrasive, but Reid speaks so highly of her, I'm prepared to take her in at some point."

"Reid once explained, it is her defense mechanism. She really does care for Reid though."

"That doesn't surprise me," Calvin said.

"Gwen, are you prepared for the challenge of what might be coming next?" Prentiss asked. "My team has never dealt with a situation like this, but we are trained to deal with trauma victims. If you want us to look after him for a while, we're prepared to do so."

"I've been thinking about it too," she said. "I spoke with Derek Morgan. He recently put a full addition on to his house. With his wife being a doctor, I'd feel more comfortable with Reid staying with Morgan for a few months. It will help as my face becomes less recognizable and he settles into a routine. We'll discuss Iris when the time comes. The addition has a separate entrance too."

"I think that sounds like a good idea," Prentiss said. "You two still really don't know each other that well."

"He wrote once that he consults on cases occasionally. How is that working out."

"We don't do it often," Prentiss said. "But he is helpful in a pinch."

"What do you see him doing once he completes treatment?"

"Reid and I both agreed that the cold case squad would love to have him. The unit chief is a friend of Rossi's, and he has expressed interest in working with him."

"It sounds like, everything is reasonably well-planned out," Calvin said.

"But you know what they say about plans," Prentiss said with a sigh.

"I know," she said. "We just have to hope for the best."

"That is all we can do."

…

She returned to the office with a cup of coffee when her personal line rang. Only a handful of people had that number.

"Hello?"

"Hi Gwen," a cheery voice said. "It appears you're in love with Spency. Just a friendly warning: Break his heart and I'll make sure every bone in your body is broken, starting with your neck."

Calving knew who it was, and she wasn't going to be intimidated by her.

"Cat Adams, if you go near him, with any of your lackies, you won't just have the FBI to contend with, you'll have me. I won't hesitate to hurt you in ways that will make you beg for death. One of my first pieces at PAX was on enhanced interrogation techniques, I would take pleasure in practicing all of them on you."

"So, we understand each other!" she said. "I couldn't find John Uris and that is one of my greatest failings. I won't miss again if someone else hurts my dear Spency."

"Nice chat," Calvin said irritably.

"Excellent, if you hear from me again, you know it will be bad news."

She hung up and Calvin sat back.

Connie knocked on her door.

"The rundown is ready."

"I need a drink, call the FBI, and another drink," she said.

"Who called?" Connie asked.

"This is the second time today someone has threatened me with violence if I hurt Spencer. One was a ghost. Oddly they scare me equally. What does that say about me?"

"Would you like a shot of something?" Connie asked. "I always keep a stockpile of mini bottles."

"No, I'll drink later," she said. "Let me call the FBI."

"You really do need a vacation Gwen," she said.

"I know," she said. "I'll take a few days off during the fourth."

"You better, because burnout doesn't look good on TV."

"Or in real life," she said.

Connie left and Gwen prepared to make calls that would complicate everyone's day.


	34. Chapter 34

I hope you like!

Chapter Thirty-Four

Calvin was naked as Uris prepared to rape her. Reid knocked him down.

"You can't have her!" he screamed as Uris quickly recovered

"I'll take you then, animal!" Uris shouted and slammed his fist into the side of Reid's head.

This knocked him to the ground.

"Orcas crest in the ocean," Calvin said.

Reid, feeling dizzy, felt Uris pulling his pants and underwear off.

"They leap in the air," Reid said. "Causing big waves to cascade around them."

He was scared out of him mind as Uris flipped him.

"WHALES FLOAT ON THE SIDE AND WAVE THEIR FINS. THEY SLAM THEIR TAILS INTO THE WATER CREATING MORE WAVES!"

He opened his eyes and saw he was wearing no pants or underwear in the dance studio. Sage was rubbing her tail bone.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked as he quickly put his clothes back on.

"I have taken worse tumbles on the ice rink during my kid's hockey practice," she said with a laugh.

Reid sat down and curled up in a ball and cried.

Sage knelt down and approached him.

"It's okay," she said gently.

"It's not okay!" he cried. "What if I did this in the outside world? I have been doing so well. What is wrong with me!?"

"Did you really think you'd get over three years of torture in six months? Maybe you still can, but don't beat yourself up over one misstep. All of that progress has not been erased. Setbacks happen. I'm not afraid of you Dr. Reid. You may not think it now, but you're going to be okay."

Reid didn't say anything. He just held his knees.

"Alexa, play Beethoven," Sage said.

Sage proceeded to dance.

"Beethoven's music supposedly isn't easy to dance to," she said. "But I think it just takes a little imagination. Like most situations."

Out of curiosity, Reid watched Sage move. She didn't keep to any particular style as she glided across the dance floor. The music was so soothing to his ears and seeing Sage move to it was a thing of wonder.

When the music ended, Reid asked:

"Why are you in mental health counseling?"

"Because I like to help people," she said. "Dancing can be a lonely occupation and it doesn't pay the bills well or allow for much of a social life at times. This is the best of both worlds."

"I'm sorry," Reid said.

"I understand, Dr. Reid. My feelings aren't hurt."

"This is going in your report, isn't it?"

"The fact that you fought your way through it is too," she said. "Everything in life is about balance. Don't worry so much, and things will even out."

Reid sighed.

…

The day was warm when they played outside. Reid's game was off, he kept throwing too hard and he was growing angry.

"So, you had a bad session," Iris said. "Big deal. It happens to the best of us."

"I thought I was past them," he said. "I thought I was done stripping and screaming."

"You may be the smartest person at this place, but even you have flaws. Don't let it drag your down!"

"I want out of here Iris!" he cried. "I want to see my friends on a regular basis. I'm tired of exchanging letters with my godchildren. I want to meet and hug them!"

"Listen you, doofus, you're going to get all that," she said as she dribbled the ball. "You're going to get everything you want. Maybe not on the timeline you were hoping for, but you'll still get them."

"I just want to move on," Reid said as he tried to steal the ball and missed.

"It is going to work out," she said. "So many people have worked so hard to get you to this point. Don't give up now."

"I know," he said. "I hate the idea of letting anyone down, yet I feel like I did."

"You did NOT!" Iris said as she landed a free throw. "One setback isn't going to change much of anything. Relax!"

She passed the ball and he made a layup shot. It flew through the net.

"Keep relaxing Spencer, and maybe things won't hurt so much."

…

"Don't be afraid to hit me, Dr. Reid," Sanchez said.

Reid hit him with an uppercut, followed by a haymaker. He hit him as hard as he could. Sanchez suddenly became Uris.

"I won't let you stop me!" he screamed. "I want a life outside of here. You can't keep me from reclaiming what is mine!"

He kept hitting harder and harder.

"You have no control over me. I dictate my future. You are dead and cannot hurt me anymore! I WON!"

Reid slipped and fell. He was breathing heavily. Sanchez appeared.

"You're a winner, Dr. Reid," he said calmly. "There is no doubt about it."

He threw his arms around Sanchez and sobbed.

…

"You've had a rough week," Juno said. "It happens after great leaps in progress."

"I know," Reid said. "I'm just fighting to stay steady."

"It shows," Ormes said. "You gave Sanchez quite a workout."

"How is Dr. Sage?" he asked.

"Oh, she's fine," Ormes said. "You won't be the first or last patient to knock her down."

"Gwen entered the scene for the first time," Juno said. "What was that like?"

"I just wanted to protect her," he said. "I had no idea what was going on."

"It's another marker of progress," Juno said. "Gwen being in the picture show you're growing. I think you do love her Dr. Reid, and it is showing in your breaks with reality."

"What does this mean for my plans to be released in July?" he asked anxiously.

"Honestly, Dr. Reid," Juno said. "We can't say. So much can still change, and we need to meet all together to extensively discuss what we have planned for the future."

"Don't take it as a punishment if you don't get out when you planned on doing so," Ormes said. "We all know you're too smart to think like that."

"You're going to get out of here Dr. Reid," Juno said. "Every goal you're working toward, you will achieve. I have all the faith in the world that you're going to make steady progress and leave here."

"I wish I had your confidence," Reid said.

"I'm proud of you Dr. Reid," Ormes said. "You've done well and you've put in the work to move on. You're not afraid of yourself nearly as much anymore."

"I am too," Juno said. "I have always thought you were stronger than you knew and you've shown that. It's okay to feel down about yourself occasionally, but don't stay there. Not when you have so much to look forward too."

"Thank you," Reid said.

"We have something for you," Ormes said. "Your mother started recording her thoughts towards the end of her life. I guess it has taken some time to edit out the rambling and find the important information. This is what she left in regards to what to do when you fell in love."

Juno played the tape.

"Spencer, if you're hearing this, it means you have met someone special. I am so happy for you. Treat her, I assume it's a her but I don't care either way, treat her like the queen she is. I know you son. You are capable of so much love, I know you will shower her with it. I bet you're scared you're going to screw it up, but you won't. Enjoy every moment with her Spencer, as love is one of the best things to happen to anyone. Love, Mom."

"I love you too, Mom," Reid said softly.

"Everything is going to work out Dr. Reid," Juno said. "Believe and have faith."

"I will," Reid said with more confidence than he had felt since the incident.


	35. Chapter 35

Enjoy!

Chapter Thirty-Five:

Calvin was ecstatic. Reid was going to be released to outpatient therapy by the second week of August. He didn't sound too upset that it wasn't the last week of July as he was hoping for.

"I probably need to stay here longer," he said with a sigh over the phone on Wednesday. "The important thing is, that when I come out, I won't have breakdowns in public."

"I'm so happy for you Spencer," she said.

"Thank you, Gwen," he said. "I look forward to taking you out on a proper date."

"I look forward to it too," she said.

"Have a good trip and take lots of pictures," he said.

"I will, and I'll be sure to bring back a souvenir for you."

"Thanks."

They hung up and Calvin began to pack.

…

Calvin was packing up her office for the next several days while Connie watched.

"If the station ends up on fire again, while I'm gone, I'm assuming Nick as at fault."

"Relax Gwen," she said. "It's a week, not a year."

"Something always bad happens when I'm gone," she said. "Remember the fire last time? Or the bomb threat a year ago? Always when I'm gone."

"And the station has survived," Connie said. "Sheesh, if this is you anxious leaving us for seven days, what are you going to be like when you leave here for good?"

"I don't want to think about it," she said.

"Have a good trip, Gwen," Connie. "You'll love the Bahamas."

"Reid's not big on heat or sand, so I thought this would be an ideal last solo trip for me."

"I thought he was from Vegas?"

"He hasn't lived there full-time since he was sixteen," she said. "There's a lot you don't know about him."

"Interesting," Connie said. "Now relax, enjoy yourself, and don't think for second about anything that is going on state-side. Everything is under control."

"If you say so," Calvin said.

…

There was a time when Calvin was comfortable sashaying around in nothing but a bikini and a skirt on the beach. Those days were long gone. She wore a full coverup as she sat on the beach reading.

"I always liked Obama."

Calvin looked up to see a man watching her.

"Emeril, not like the chef," he said with a smile, and extended a heavily tanned hand.

"Gwen," she said shaking it.

"You look familiar," he said.

"I get that a lot," she said. "I have a face that looks like everyone from their sister to their girlfriend from high school."

"You're funny," he said. "Visiting?"

"Yes," she said.

"Alone?" he asked.

Calvin knew better.

"My girlfriend is in town getting ripped off at the souvenir shops."

"I see," he said.

"What do you like about Obama?" she asked.

"He seemed like a nice guy. Believing in hope and all that ra, ra."

"You don't actually know much about him, do you?"

"You're just using that book as a prop while hoping a guy like me comes along," he said accusingly.

"Get lost," she said.

He kicked some sand on her feet as he stalked off.

Calvin sighed. The things she put up with while trying to relax.

…

Rather than getting stared at all night at the bar, Calvin opted for room service. She was looking at museums to visit for Reid. Sipping her drink, life wasn't bad in the Bahamas.

Slowly, she began to feel drowsy. Alarms went off in her head. She knew the drink she had would not cause her to get this tired this quickly. With great effort, she pulled out her phone and dialed Prentiss.

"I've…been…drugged…in…my…hotel…room," she said desperately as her words came out slowly.

"Hang on Gwen," Prentiss said. "I'll get the authorities on the line. Stay with me okay?"

"Trying…to," she said.

There was a knock on her door. Calvin tried to scramble away but couldn't move.

Two men came in with a laundry cart. They pulled her phone away and tossed her in like she was nothing. Calvin tried to scream, but nothing came out. She was losing her grip consciousness as she heard an explosion of noise.

…

She woke up in a bed that wasn't the one she slept in at the hotel. Calvin tried to get up but couldn't.

"Relax, Gwen," Lennox said. "You're safe."

"Bri-an?" she stuttered out.

"You still have me as your emergency contact," he said. "I'm glad I was close so I can be here for you."

"What ha-ppened?" she asked.

"You got dosed with a pretty strong sedative," he said. "A trio of kidnappers learned you were staying at the hotel and wanted to auction you off."

"I thought the Ba-ham-as were safe."

"They weren't local," he said. "The authorities think they were looking for celebrities who congregate here and chose you."

Calvin sighed.

"You should have your voice back in a couple hours," he said. "You're going to be okay. You called Emily Prentiss just in time."

"Does PAX know?"

"They're sending a private jet to take you home," he said. "Someone delivered and envelope of what turned out to be baking soda to the office."

Calvin rolled her eyes.

Lennox held her hand and looked her in the eye.

"I'm happy to be here as your friend," he said. "I'll always care about you Gwen. No relationship will change that."

"Steph?"

"Will always be my wife," he said. "But you'll always be among my best friends."

Calvin managed to hold his hand back. It was good to have Brian Lennox as an ex and as a friend.

…

"It's beautiful," Reis said, admiring the hand-carved stingray, she got him. "I love the colors too."

"I'm glad you like it," she said.

"I'm sorry you had to cut your trip short," he said. "Food poisoning can be a terrible thing."

"I was just happy to get back on American soil," she said.

"You aren't going to tell me the real reason you cut your trip short, are you?" he said with a slight smile.

"It's not worth worrying you about as long as I'm back and safe," she said.

Reid offered both his hands. She held them.

"When I'm out of here and we're together as a couple, I don't want any secrets between us, okay?"

"When you're out of here, there will be no more secrets," she said. "I promise."

They held hands for a moment longer. It truly was good to be back.


	36. Chapter 36

Happy New Year! You're getting two today!

Chapter Thirty-Six:

One evening, Reid and Iris sat on a blanket on the roof with a couple beers Iris managed to procure. He didn't like beer but didn't feel like interrupting the moment of peace.

"Remember the first time I met you up here?" she asked.

"Like I could forget," he said. "We've both come a long way and you're not smoking anymore."

"Yeah, the patch is working nicely," she said. "Do you still hear his voice?"

"Occasionally," he said. "But it isn't as loud and I can tune him out."

"That is real progress for you," she said.

"What about you, Iris? Do you still think someone is going to grab you when you leave?"

"Sometimes," she said. "But like with you, it doesn't send me into a panic the way it used to."

Reid stared out into the fading sun.

"Do you really think we're going to be okay out there?" he asked.

"It depends on how you define okay," she said. "Will we have flashbacks? Probably. Will be able to live meaningful lives? That too."

"What is meaningful after all of this?" he asked. "Kids? A career? Relationships?"

"It can be anything," she said. "It can be sleeping on the couch all Saturday and eating nothing but junk food. It can be saving a life, or just having a life. The sky is the limit."

"I don't know what I want anymore," he said. "I want a life with Gwen, but I'm not sure what else. What has meaning for me?"

"You'll decide that on the outside," Iris said. "You don't like beer, do you?"

"No," he said.

"God, you're weird."

"I was forced to do drugs, now I am hypersensitive about what inhibitors I put in my system. We really shouldn't be drinking while on anti-depressants anyway."

"I was told a single drink wouldn't hurt," she said. "So long as someone was with me. You're someone."

"Thanks," he said.

"Do you think we'd be friends, if we didn't meet here?" she asked.

"Honestly, no, but I wouldn't rule it out. I've made friends in stranger places."

She suddenly kissed him on the lips.

"Nope," she said as she let go quickly. "Like I thought, no sparks."

"That was kind of gross," he said. "I see you as a younger sister to me, Iris."

"You're not bad looking," she said. "I thought I'd give it a whirl."

"Don't do it again," he said.

"You're right," she said. "It was gross."

That sat and watched the sun set and decided to go back down. Reid hoped they would never speak of the kiss again.

…

Reid took a deep breath as he got behind the wheel of the car.

"Remember Dr. Reid, this isn't a test," Juno said. "This is a just a way of getting used to a different setting. It is just like the simulation."

"Okay," he said.

"Ready?" she asked as she handed him the keys.

"Ready," he said as he put them in the ignition.

The car burst to life. Reid took another calming breath before putting the car in drive.

"Just a circle around the parking lot as we discussed," she said.

After driving about ten feet, he realized it felt good to be in control of a vehicle. He relaxed and made a tight turn, followed by two more before steering it back into the space to park. Reid felt oddly calm as he turned off the ignition.

"You did well," Juno said. "Very good. How did it feel?"

"It felt…great? I was never much of a driver in the BAU and took the subway often, but this felt good. I liked being in control."

"That was the point of this exercise," she said. "You're doing very well at this point."

"Thanks," he said and got out of the car. It was another thing to think about in the future.

…

Reid was reading a medical text in his room in the evening when he heard a knock. He opened to see Iris looking positively scared.

"Blake has gone berserk in the rec. room," she said. "He has already knocked one counselor unconscious and is holding Lola and Darleen hostage. If another person who looks like a medical professional comes near, he'll hurt them."

"What are his demands?" he asked.

"He wants out," she said. "Please, do something."

"I'll do my best," he said as he left with Iris. "If I rub my right eye, move the hostages. If I make a fist, with my left hand, set off the fire alarm."

"Setting off the alarm could agitate him more," she said.

"That's why I'll try reason first."

They walked to the room. The counselor was on the ground with a pool of blood under her head.

"Blake," he said calmly. "She needs medical attention."

"I DON'T CARE!" Blake roared. "I WANT OUT!"

Blake outweighed him by at least fifty pounds with a wide girth and powerful muscles.

"It isn't fun feeling like a caged animal," he said. "Like something that is too dangerous to be let out in the open."

Blake looked like he was listening.

"The world is so big," he said in a calm, even, tone. "It is filled with oceans, wildlife, and many wonderous things."

Blake started to grow bored. Reid racked his brain for information about Blake.

"The New York Jets had a winning season this past year. Their rookie quarterback took them to the AFC championship. They only lost to the Saints in the fourth quarter."

"It was a bad call!" Blake shouted. "They should have ruled that an interception instead of an incomplete pass."

Reid moved and Blake carefully followed gaze.

"A cow only has a one is seventeen million chance of being used as a football in a Superbowl game."

Blake looked confused.

"I thought footballs were made of pigskin?"

Reid rubbed his right eye.

"Before the NFL was created in the eighteen sixties, animal bladders were blown up to be used as footballs. Now they are made of cowhide. Eight footballs can come from a single hide."

"How do you know all this stuff?" he asked. "I thought you only liked to play chess."

"I'm a trivia champion," Reid said. "I like to know something about everything."

Blake suddenly turned and saw Lola and Darleen were gone. He screamed, and proceeded swing his fist at Reid.

Reid dodged it and raised his left fist. The air was filled with a cacophony of noise. Patients began screaming.

Blake made contact with his jaw. He managed to stay on his feet. Amid the flashing lights, Blake became Uris.

'YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!"

"I won't!" Reid screamed back.

Uris easily picked him up and raised him high. Reid slammed his fists on his arms hard. This loosened his grip and he fell to the ground. Uris leaned over him and aimed his fist. He rolled away from him. Just as he tried to get up, Uris punched him the chest, and he felt bones break. Reid was having trouble breathing.

"The sun sets over the mall," Reid said weakly. "Tourists wander about, admiring the monuments. Birds chirp mildly amid the chatter of people."

Uris became Blake again just as he hit him hard in the center of the forehead.

Reid saw nothing.


	37. Chapter 37

I hope to get another update ready Thursday.

Chapter Thirty-Seven:

"Tonight, Annabelle Edwards is here with a report from Iraq," Calvin read as a Connie flashed a piece of paper in front of the teleprompter.

"Prentiss," it said.

"Ray, cover for me," she said and got up from the anchor desk. Calvin quickly pulled off her microphone as Connie handed Calvin her phone. She put it on speakerphone.

"Reid was injured at the institute," she said.

"What happened?" she asked as Connie handed her makeup wipes.

"A patient got agitated and knocked out the counselor on call. He was holding patients, hostage and Reid seemed to get him calmed down for a little while. Then he grew angry when he saw his hostages had fled."

"What are his injuries?" Calvin asked as her voice shook.

"Broken ribs, fractured tail bone, and a nasty head wound. He's in a coma, Gwen."

Calvin fell to her knees. Connie held her.

"I'll be on the next plane to DC," she said shakily.

"Okay, Gwen," Prentiss said.

She hung up and wiped tears away with the makeup wipe.

Owen appeared with a phone.

"Cornell is on the line," he said.

"I know you don't break broadcast without a good reason," he said. "Take the private jet wherever you need to be."

"Thank you," she said as she got up.

"Gwen," Connie said. "I need to keep the show on track. I'm going to have Nick meet you at the airport to keep you company, okay?"

Calvin silently nodded as more tears came. She darted to her dressing room and began to change.

…

"The jet's nice, isn't it?" she tried to say, once they were settled. "I've only flown in it a handful of times."

"Under any other circumstance, I'd be happy to be here," he said. "But not now."

Gwen sighed. "I thought his troubles were over."

"I know," he said.

"I've lost count of how many times he's been shot," she said. "He also ended up in the hospital with a lung infection, during what has been referred to as a minor outbreak of influenza. I have a CIA friend who claims that's bunk, and says they're hiding something."

"What happened to him the day after the Superbowl?" he asked.

"A guy with a multiple personality disorder who worked from home as an IT consultant was turning on people's webcams and spying on them. The other personality would take over and punish people for the sins seen. Reid and I think Jennifer Jareau caught him, before backup could arrive and the guy ambushed them. He abducted Reid and kept him in a shack in a cemetery for three days. I don't know many more of the details beyond that."

"What hasn't this guy gone through?" Nick asked.

"An excellent question. Mercer it the BEST in the United States by a wide margin and this sort of thing still happens. Spencer Reid can't seem to catch a break."

"It'll work out Gwen," Nick said. "I promise."

Calvin didn't say anything, as she just felt overwhelmed.

…

Prentiss greeted Calvin with a hug.

"How are you holding up?" Calvin asked.

"I'm okay," she said.

"How are you really?"

"I'm sick of this," she said. "I'm sick of seeing him in hospitals. I'm sick of worrying about him. I thought he was safe. Why'd this happen? Why?"

"It sounds like he was trying to be the hero," she said. "Reid likes being the hero. He likes trying to help people. It is who he is."

"It's my fault."

They both turned to see Iris in the hall.

"I thought they knocked you out," Prentiss said.

"Oh, I'm sedated, but I can talk and stand," she said. "This is all my fault."

"You were just trying to help people Iris," Calvin said. "Reid had training in crisis management that no one else had. It was a good idea to ask for his assistance."

"Then why'd he end up hurt?" she asked.

"Because other people could have been hurt worse if you hadn't gotten Reid," Prentiss said.

Iris's knees wobbled. Prentiss grabbed her.

"I'll never forgive myself if he doesn't come out of this," she cried. "Never!"

Prentiss gestured for Calvin to keep moving.

Calvin found J.J. She gave Calvin a hug.

"I want his pain to be over!" she said. "When does he get to enjoy life?"

"I wish I knew," Calvin said. "I wish I could do more."

"He's going to be okay," she said. "He can't have survived so much only to end up like this. No!"

"I know," Calvin said. "This is ridiculous."

"Why don't you go see him?" she said.

"Thank you, J.J.," she said.

She entered his room and Juno sitting in a corner. Reid's head was heavily bandaged and there seemed to be some sort of cushion under him. His expression was grim.

Calvin had never seen Juno look so emotional. She had clearly been crying and the sense of calm about her wasn't present. There was something very sad about her presence.

"Mercer is the best," she said out loud without looking at Calvin. "I wouldn't have placed him anywhere else. Yet this happens."

"Are you blaming yourself?" Calvin asked.

"I shouldn't, but I am," she said. "I wanted to give Reid a safe place to recover. I wanted him to leave prepared to live life to the fullest. I just can't believe I failed him."

"You didn't fail him," Calvin said. "From what I've Googled, this is a minor skull fracture."

"The next twenty-four hours will tell us his prognosis," Juno said. "I don't know what to feel. I rarely get this attached to patients, but as you know, Spencer Reid is special."

"I know," she said and held his hand.

Calvin looked at him.

"I love you."

She then kissed him gently on the cheek and sat closer to him.

"What happens after he wakes up?" she asked.

"It all depends," she said. "We're transferring the patient who injured him to another facility. He'll need some treatment for his fractured coccyx and ribs. That is all if he makes it out of the coma without serious brain damage."

"I'm trying to stay optimistic," Calvin said. "It is the only way I can stay sane."

"I don't know what to do any more," Juno said. "I've seen more of his medical history than you. I don't know how he keeps beating the odds."

"Because that is who Spencer Reid is," Calvin said. "He'll always beat the odds because he is so special. I knew it when I first started researching the story and now, I understand why. His heart is pure and there is fire in his soul."

"You're right Gwen," she said. "He is truly one of a kind."

Calvin looked to Reid.

"I know you'll get through this. And I'll be by your side when you wake up."


	38. Chapter 38

Enjoy! This is short, but not a line was wasted. Oh, and I saw the latest Doctor Who episode and it was glorious.

Chapter Thirty-Eight:

Reid sat in the basement curled up in a ball. He was wearing sweatshirt and sweatpants, from the institute. It felt safe here.

"What are you doing here?"

It was Uris. He looked awful. His face was bloody and his clothes were torn.

"You don't belong here anymore."

"I thought you wanted me here?" Reid said. "Would you like to strip me?"

"No," he said. "I'm done hurting you."

Reid snorted.

"Since when?"

"Do you know how time works in the afterlife? A single day can feel like an eternity here."

"Are you in Hell?" Reid asked curiously.

"That is one name for it," he said. "It is a place where you see the consequences of your actions and judged according. So, I guess it is Hell."

"Then what are you doing here? Or is this Hell?"

"It's part of my punishment. To get to you to leave."

Reid snorted again.

"Are you going to beat me to get me to leave? I don't care anymore."

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to wake up and get hurt again eventually."

"That's part of life," he said. "It's all about wondering if it is worth it get up and risk getting hurt."

"I don't think it is," Reid said.

"Are you ready to die?"

"I'd prefer to stay here," Reid said as he held his knees. "This place actually grew on me over the years. Abuse was abuse. Now that I've seen the sun and had it taken away from me again so quickly, I'd rather stay here."

"You know during the three years you were with me I thought many things about you, but I never thought of you as a coward."

"Coward, animal, these names mean nothing to me anymore," Reid said. "Let me be. Let me stay here."

"You have a lot more to live for than you know," Uris said. "I can see your future and it is something."

"Will I get hurt again?"

"Everyone gets hurt eventually," he said.

"I'm tired of pain. Haven't I suffered enough?"

"I don't pretend to understand how the universe works. I just know that you will find what you're looking for if you choose to leave here."

"Do you feel guilty about what you did to me?" Reid asked.

"You know psychologically, I couldn't. Since I've been freed my mortal impairments, I can see where I was wrong in abusing you and all those other men."

"Why'd you do it?" Reid asked as tears fell. "Why did you hurt me?"

"I don't really know," he said. "I did when I was alive, but since I have been forced to reckon with my actions, I just don't anymore."

Reid held buried his face in his knees.

"I'm probably not the best person to convince you to do anything, but I think I was sent here to give you closure."

"How?" Reid asked out of curiosity.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore," he said. "I want you to live because I have been forced to see what my actions have caused. I want you to fight me."

Reid stood up.

"What happens next?"

"I can't say," he said. "I can only say, I know now you didn't deserve any of the pain I caused you."

"Can you say you're sorry?" Reid asked.

"Parts of my psyche are still intact, so I can't go that far. The words just won't stitch together."

"I don't want to be here with you anymore," Reid said. "I've spent enough of my life with you. Goodbye."

"Don't let me win," he said. "You have too much to live for. Don't ever let me win."

Reid unhooked the ladder and saw a young girl at the top. She had blond hair with streaks of brown in it.

"Who are you?" Reid asked.

"You'll find out," she said with a smile.

Reid turned back and saw Uris was gone. The girl offered her hand. He climbed up the ladder and took it.

…

He woke up holding Calvin's hand. She was asleep. Reid focused his eyes and saw it was two o'clock in the morning. His left side felt numb. He tried to move his left hand and managed to do so with a little extra effort. Slowly, his left leg moved also. It could have been much worse.

Reid squeezed Calvin's hand. She jumped and then smiled.

"You're awake," she said.

"I'm glad," Reid said in a whisper.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"My left side is numb and my ribs ache," he said.

"Let me get a doctor."

Reid held on to Calvin's hand.

"Thank you for being here for me."

"There's no other place I'd rather be," she said.


	39. Chapter 39

I suspect some people might be upset with what I'm doing, but I'll explain in due time.

Chapter Thirty-Nine:

Calvin watched Reid take his first tentative steps between two railings. There was an aid behind him and another in front of him.

"I can do this," Reid said as he kept walking.

The limp was noticeable. The doctors said only time would tell if it would fade away.

He was gripping the railings tightly to maintain his balance. His right foot moved too fast at one point and he stumbled. The aid in front caught him. Reid was breathing heavily.

"Enough for today," the doctor said.

"Can't we try a little further?" Reid asked.

"This is your first attempt," he said. "You can try farther tomorrow."

"Okay," Reid said with a note of frustration.

"You did good today," the doctor said. "I expect you'll do better tomorrow."

"I hope so," Reid said.

The aids helped him into a wheelchair.

"That was pretty good," Calvin said.

"I should have gone farther," he said angrily.

"You've only been out of a coma for two days," she said. "Give yourself a break."

"I don't want to," he said under his breath.

"Spencer, I know you. You will do better. It is just going to take some time."

Reid was transferred into bed.

"I'm sick of it!" he shouted. "I'm sick of all you. These walls. Clothes that aren't mine. I don't know who I am anymore except as a source of pity among everyone. I HATE EVERYTHING!"

Calvin opened her arms up to hug him.

"Get away from me!" he said. "I don't want your sad looks and fake optimism. I just want to be ALONE!"

"Whatever you need, Spencer," she said softly as she left.

She looked back, and saw he was staring at a wall.

…

"You don't look good Gwen," Connie said. "Are you sure you're up for doing the newscast?"

"I need the distraction," she said. "I need something besides Spencer Reid in my life or I'll lose it."

"He really isn't doing that good?"

"Half his body is numb; I'd be cranky too."

"Just take it easy for your sake and Reid's," Connie said.

"I know," Calvin said. "Where is Eric's report on the floods in India?""

"Coming up…"

…

Calvin poured herself a glass of red wine and stretched. It had been a long day. Her phone rang just as she was about to get in her tub. It was Prentiss.

"The guy who knocked Reid into a coma is dead. We think it was the work of Cat Adams."

"She's in a supermax, how is she still able to access information?" Calvin asked.

"We don't know. We're adding protection to the facility in case she decides there are other people at fault."

"Where is Reid going, when he's done with therapy?" she asked.

"The therapists are still discussing it."

"Okay," Calvin said.

"You sound tired, Gwen," Prentiss said. "You don't have to come up tomorrow."

"No, I need to," she said. "Otherwise Reid'll think I gave up on him because he yelled at me."

"He shouldn't have. Gwen, don't come up. Take a day for yourself and maybe he'll be calmer the next time you see him."

Calvin looked achingly at her tub.

"Okay," she said. "I'll see him on Friday then."

"Good. Take care," Prentiss said.

Calvin hung up and settled into her tub. It didn't feel as good as she thought it would. Maybe she really did need to take more time to herself.

…

Her phone woke her in the middle of the early morning hours. She answered it without looking at her caller ID.

"Please don't tell me Reid got hurt again," she moaned.

"Is that anyway to greet your favorite cousin?"

Calvin perked up immediately.

"Sasha! Oh my gosh, where are you?"

"You wouldn't believe me."

"Tell me you didn't take another assignment in an area with no cell service and you're currently using a sat phone."

"JFK, you goof!"

"Really!?" Calvin said, positively giddy.

"Absolutely. Can I crash at your place?"

"Only if you let me pick you up!"

"An Uber is already on the way. Sorry."

"Okay, see you soon Dr. Eden."

"You know I hate it when you call me that."

"Which is why I do it," Calvin said teasingly.

"See you later, sleazeball," Sasha said and hung up.

…

"I swear this tastes like heaven," Sasha said as she devoured a plate full of eggs and pork sausage.

They were at their favorite early morning dining spot.

"So, how's Cambodia?" Calvin asked.

"My PC answer is, MSF, AKA, Doctors Without Border has made great strides over the past five decades to ensure better access to the medical supplies needed maintain a healthy environment."

"The non-PC answer?"

"Cambodia's corrupt government is impeding our attempts to get contagious diseases under control."

"Were you hurt there?" Calvin asked.

"I don't want to discuss it here," she said. "So, let's talk about you. In the ten months I've been gone, your trashy fiancé publicly broke up with you, you slept in a tree to avoid being caught by a corrupt police operation, and had you throat slashed by Anna Duvall. Oh, and you're quitting PAX. And they say anchors just sit behind a desk and read from the teleprompter!"

"Did you spend the entire flight from LAX reading up on me?"

"Cousin Andy isn't nearly as interesting. His social media account is just full of pictures of his kids, even though they're teenagers, who look like they're ready to kill him. And Belinda and Rachel are trying to become Instagram influencers, which is…no."

"How's Aunt Ellen?" she asked.

"Mom's still dating the Transit Valley serial killer, so I don't care if she thinks I'm still in Botswana."

"So, what are you doing home?"

"I've accepted a teaching position at Howard University."

Calvin was stunned.

"My cousin who asked Santa for a globe at the age of eight, is settling down two years shy of her fortieth birthday?

"What I won't discuss in public, scared me Gwen. I need to put down roots and start building something."

"Any idea what?"

"Nope," she said. "I just want to settle down. Now what else is going on Gwen? Speculation is running wild as to what led you to break broadcast the other day."

"You know that Federal agent that went missing three years ago?"

"Only because I saw the piece you did on him a few months ago."

"I'm dating him."

"Really?" Sasha asked.

"Really."

"That is quite something Gwen," Sasha said. "He's better than the last guy easily, and I don't even know him."

"Would you like to meet him?" Calvin asked, thinking it might distract Reid.

"Sure," she said.

"He's back in the hospital because he tried to stop a patient from hurting more people and ended up in a coma where he woke up the next day with half of his body feeling numb."

"The guy's been through the ringer," Sasha said.

"That's one phrase for it."

The continued to eat as they absorbed what they both learned about each other.

…

Reid looked agitated when he saw them.

"You brought a shield?" he said spitefully.

"I'm nobody's shield," Sasha said and offered her hand. "I'm Dr. Sasha Eden. Gwen's cousin. Nice to meet you."

He waved his hand.

"I have a thing about germs," he said irritably.

"Look at my hands," she said and held them to his face.

"They're cracked," he said. "You use hand sanitizer frequently and not the gentle kind. This is long-term. You're a doctor who works in a high-risk-area."

"I read you were smart," she said with a nod.

"You used some before you came in here," he said. "I can still smell it on your hands. Where did you work?"

"MSF Cambodia."

"Is tuberculosis still a problem there?"

"Not as bad, but we're worried another outbreak could start any moment. Now tell me about your numbness. What are you being treated with?"

"Keppra, Neurontin, and Butrin. I can't seem to get my left foot to move better."

"Are you on any adjunctive meds for depression?"

"Abilify," Reid said and then a look of a realization hit him. "Why didn't I think of that? And what is your field of expertise that you would know about it?"

"My supervisor, who I was close with, was on Abilify and it affected the way he walked in a very subtle way," she said.

They discussed how to approach the doctors about getting him off the drug.

Gwen could see it. The sparks between them. It broke her heart to see it after all the work she put into the relationship. But deep down, she was also relieved. Caring about Reid was exhausting every inch of her. Maybe Sasha could love him better.

Author's Note:

The Abilify thing is real. I know from personal experience.


	40. Chapter 40

I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter Forty:

Reid sat in a chair in the hospital room with Iris and watched TV.

"So, you and Gwen are really taking a break?" she said.

"I see how tired she is when she sees me," he said. "I see the longing and the frustration. I can't let her continue to suffer from her attachment to me."

"You've been an ass to be around for the past week and a half," she said. "Now that you've mellowed, maybe you can restart things."

"It started before the injury," he said. "The fact that she has to keep things from me as she is worried it will upset me. She's been put through a lot."

"Have the bosses decided what they're going to do with you?" she asked.

"They offered to let me decide: Transfer with Juno, or stay until second week of August as planned."

"And?"

"I want to go back," he said. "I don't want to go back to that rec room stained with blood ever again, but I want to finish what I started there."

"Good," she said. "I hated the idea of you leaving anyway."

"I will eventually," he said. "We both will."

"How long are you going to be stuck here for?"

"Until tomorrow," he said. "They can do the PT at the institute and I am making leaps and bounds in terms of progress without the Abilify."

"How's your mood though?" Iris asked. "It is risky going off that drug."

"Down," he said. "I still don't feel very motivated. But I'm fighting. I'm afraid of what is out there, but I am anxious to see it, if that makes any sense."

"It makes perfect sense," she said.

"Can I touch your left hand?" she asked.

"Sure," he said.

She gently touched it.

"What does it feel like?" she asked.

"It feels like you're touching me through a rubber glove."

"Weird."

Reid sighed.

"I was so mean to everybody lately. I don't know how anyone tolerates me anymore."

"It's called being a family," Iris said. "You let it go in one ear and out the other."

"You didn't run when I snapped at you on Saturday."

"I've never seen you so angry," she said. "It was kind of fascinating actually."

Reid let out a slight laugh.

"Only you, Iris," he said.

"The one and only," she said with a smile.

"They're going to pick me up soon. Everyone is debating how an assassin got into Evans, the place Blake was transferred to. It is a step below incarceration in terms of how the place is locked up. Your ex is clever."

"She's not my ex," he said with a sigh.

"Cat Adams acts like one," she said.

"I try not to think about her," he said. "I've got enough on my plate."

"That, you do," she said.

A counselor appeared.

"Come on Iris," she said.

Iris sighed.

"Yes mommy," she said sarcastically and got up.

"See you soon," she said and waved at him.

Reid waved back.

…

He was reading is his bed when he heard the running of feet.

Henry and Max burst in.

"Hey guys!" Reid said with a broad smile.

"Uncle Spencer!" They both shouted.

"Can we hug you?" Henry asked. "I know what germs are and that you don't like them."

"I'm not afraid of your germs," he said.

Reid put his legs over and hugged them both.

"Oh, it is so good to see you guys," he said. "You're both so big!"

"Mom says she sent us to camp because she couldn't afford to feed us anymore," Max said.

"You're growing boys, I bet you eat hundred twenty dollars, worth of food each week."

"Right on the money as always Spence," J.J. said.

Reid made eye contact with her.

"You're not mad at me?"

"I could never stay mad at you Spence," she said.

"Why would you be mad at Uncle Spencer, Mommy?" Max asked.

"Because he said my cooking was awful and he looked forward to never eating it again!"

The boys laughed.

"Your mom is good at simple recipes," Reid said.

"Like you do any better," she said.

"I once made tandoori chicken and it was only slightly burnt."

"It stunk up the apartment for weeks afterwards."

They laughed.

"So, what kind of camp are you at?" he asked.

"Baseball!" Henry said.

"Soccer!" Max said.

"I like baseball better," Reid said. "But soccer is fun too."

"We used to beat you bad when you came to our house," Henry said. "When are you coming back?"

"Soon," he said.

"What is soon?" Max asked.

"You'll see," Reid said.

"What is 'you'll see?'" Henry asked.

"I don't know exactly," Reid said. "But I promise it will be sooner rather than later."

"I still don't know what that means," Max said.

"Remember how I said you could have ice cream last night?" J.J. said. "I said you'd have to wait for the ice cream to thaw, it's kind of like that with Uncle Spencer."

"Okay," Max said.

Henry hugged him again.

"I've missed you, Uncle Spencer."

"I've missed you too, Henry."

"Mom says you went through some bad things and needed to stay at a special place to get better. What kind of bad things happened to you?"

"Henry," Reid said. "Do you know that feeling after you wake up from a nightmare where you still think it is real for a second before you fully wake up?"

Henry nodded.

"I went through that constantly," he said. "That's what it was like."

"It sounds scary," Max said.

"It was, but I'm getting better. Your letters and drawings have helped me so much. I have taped them up all over my room."

"Good," Henry said. "I thought something bad had happened and that you would never come back."

Reid hugged him.

"Oh, Henry. As I said in my letters, while I was gone the only thing, I dreamed of was seeing you, Max, your mom, and dad, and the rest of the team family. I'll never leave you again."

"Promise?" Henry said.

"Promise," Reid said.

"We brought you more drawings," Max said.

"Great!" he said. "I love them all."

"We better get going," J.J. said.

"It was great seeing you guys!" Reid said.

Reid nodded to J.J.

"Thank you," he said.

J.J. smiled.

"I want you to be happy again Spencer."

"I will be," he said.

She walked over.

"Can I hug you?" she asked.

"Please," he said.

They held on tight as all the anger and sadness of the past week melted away. Their bond could not be broken by silly arguments and stress. They were friends forever.


	41. Chapter 41

Watched a football game from the start on Saturday for the first time in years. I don't think I'll do it again as it distracted me too much.

Chapter Forty-One:

Sasha was reading on her tablet when Calvin came home Friday.

"Do you think you'll visit Reid this weekend?"

"No," Calvin said. "I want to make this a clean break for a while. He called to apologize for the way he's been acting and promised to do better."

"And?"

"I thanked him for it. I also hope that things would work out in the future."

"What's wrong Gwen?" Sasha asked as she turned off her tablet. "I don't see any fire in your eyes when you talk about him. Are you really that exhausted?"

"It's not just him Sash," Calvin. "It's partially me. I haven't dated in years, and dating Spencer Reid has been quite an experience."

"I get that," she said. "I haven't dated in years either. I pity whoever is stuck with me for their first date."

"Can we talk about you now please?" Calvin asked. "What happened in Cambodia?"

"This late?" she said.

"We've been dancing around the subject since you got home," Calvin said. "Please tell me so I can help you. You're not the Sasha I saw at Christmas two years ago. The light in your eyes isn't there. What happened?"

"I might as well tell you now," she said with a sigh. "I was repeatedly raped by a local landowner with strong political connections. He threatened to have the clinic I ran, shut down if I told a soul."

"What about your supervisors?" Calvin asked, shocked.

"They had other problems to deal with," she said. "It was hard keeping the clinic staffed by local women as there is also a gang rape problem in the area. It is part of their culture and they have a special name for it even."

"You sound so desensitized," Calvin said.

"I got used to it," she said. "He had a pregnant wife at the time and assured me that every time he, he forced himself on me, he was sparing her and the baby. That's why I stayed for ten months, after she gave birth and to make sure a male colleague could take over. Though he promised the last time I saw him that he'd find another pretty MSF lady."

Calvin hugged Sasha.

"I'm so sorry," Calvin said. "I wish something could have been done."

"Some areas are worse than others," she said. "I was stuck in one of the worst areas, as I had been in MSF since I graduated from medical school."

"Did you get any diseases?"

"No, and I consider myself lucky that way," she said. "I took antivirals and birth control, but he was clean."

"Are you seeking treatment here?"

"I'm researching doctors," she said. "Once I get a place in DC, I'll start seeing someone."

"I'm thinking of putting my place here up for sale soon," Calvin said.

"You're serious about moving to be closer to him?"

"Yes," Calvin said.

"What happens if the relationship breaks apart?" Sasha asked.

"I like the idea of living in DC," she said. "The architecture, less crowds, and no skyscrapers where the fiftieth floor that makes you feel dizzy."

"If you're sure," Sasha said.

"What about you?" Calvin asked. "Would you like to split the cost of living down there and bunk with me?"

"I appreciate the offer," she said. "But I like the idea of living on my own. I have spent too many nights sharing space with others. Besides, my long-term investments have paid off. I should be okay financially."

"Good," Calvin said.

Sasha sighed.

"We've both a got a lot on our plates, don't we?" she said.

"Yeah, but that's life," Calvin said. "In five weeks, I'll be free to do whatever I want."

"And I'll see if I'm any good at teaching," she said.

Sasha's phone beeped. She groaned.

"I knew I'd regret telling Andy I was back in town. Now mom knows and she really wants me to give _Steve_ a chance."

"I never knew the whole story behind Aunt Ellen's obsession with the Transit Valley serial killer."

"Mom has always been into conspiracy theories," Sasha said. "She went snooping around a cop bar in Sacramento and found out there was DNA at the scene they couldn't identify and she thought that must be the real killer. Steve Henning killed people in convenience store parking lots. Of course, there's DNA all over the place."

"Why Henning?" Calvin asked. "There are serial killers all over California."

"She saw his mug shot online and claims it was love at first sight," she said. "That she felt an instant bond that transcended normal human understanding."

"How much cannabis does your mom use?"

"She claims she uses it to treat her anxiety," she said. "She also claims Steve doesn't have a connection with any other woman but her. That he only answers fan mail to keep them at bay. He only has eyes for her."

"The guy was caught six years ago," Calvin said. "I wonder if Reid was in on the arrest."

"It's possible," she said. "I try to stay out of my mom's drama as much as possible."

Calvin yawned.

"I'm going to bed."

"I'll see you in the morning," Sasha said.

…

Calvin didn't run often, but when she did, she ran hard. All she could think about was Reid.

She didn't know if she loved him anymore. Calvin wondered if she ever loved him, or loved the idea of him. Heroic agent who needed saving. He didn't really need saving, he just needed people to believe in him. Reid seemed to have plenty of that. The sex wasn't bad, but it felt obligatory; Reid was trying to find his sexual identity after spending time only with men. Their relationship was still young. Maybe this would be the first test. Or was it over already?

When Calvin slowed down, she found she was breathing heavily. She didn't mean to overdo it the way she did.

"You okay?"

She looked up to see Nick in running gear with a bottle of water.

"In a city this large, how the Hell did we meet?" Calvin asked.

"Maybe it was fate," Nick said jokingly.

"Do you run this path often?" she asked.

"Only on the weekends, now," he said.

"I hear they're planning on promoting you back to PM after I leave," she said.

"The AM was growing on me, but I miss the hard-hitting stuff," he said.

"I can imagine," she said.

"I might not take the offer," he said. "There's station manager offer for me in DC and CBS has asked about my contract."

"Wait," Calvin said as her world spun slightly. "Are you chasing me?"

"This was not how I planned on telling you this," he said with a slight laugh. "I would be thoroughly happy if things worked out between you and Reid. If things didn't, I would want to try to be there for you in a romantic way."

"How long have you felt like this?" she asked.

"Since you walked into PAX high on your high horse about integrity in journalism. I butted heads with you about content, but I always felt for you on a deeper level."

"So, what do we do?"

Nick put a hand on her shoulder.

"You try to make it work with Reid," he said. "And if it doesn't, I'll be waiting."

"But for how long?" she asked.

"I want to kiss a girl to ring in twenty-twenty-four," he said with a smile.

He then ran off.

Calvin never felt more confused.


	42. Chapter 42

Happy final Criminal Minds premier day! I admit, I am a slight emotional wreck over the show going into its final stretch.

Chapter Forty-Two:

"One, two, three," Sage said.

Reid kept tripping over his left foot.

"Again," she said. "One, two, three."

His left foot couldn't keep up.

"Again," she said calmly.

"No!" Reid said with a burst of anger. "This is the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing, over and over and expecting the same results!"

"Dr. Reid, I read the writeup. It is possible that you will get more movement back with the strengthening of your left leg."

"Possible, but not likely," Reid said.

"Dr. Reid, have you given yourself a chance to take in what happened? You were hurt badly. Have you let yourself cry?"

"I've talked it over with Juno and Ormes," he said.

"Talking isn't the same as feeling sometimes."

"It doesn't matter," Reid said.

"It does. Walk me through the pain, Dr. Reid."

"Why do bad things keep happening to me?" he asked. "Haven't I suffered enough? When will it all end?"

He realized he was crying.

"It doesn't," Sage said. "The hardest truth to accept in life is, that it isn't fair. That some people hardly ever suffer while others suffer enough for at least two people. It isn't fair. The only thing we can do is take things one step at a time and hope for a better tomorrow."

"Hope is all we have?" Reid said.

"And faith," she said. "Has anyone discussed God with you?"

"I'm agnostic," he said. "I believe there is a heaven, hell, and divine creator, but not much else. I don't like talking about faith as, what god would let me suffer the way I have?"

"I believe, the healthiest relationships in faith are built on questions. There is a greater plan for you at play, I believe. You are a beacon of light to so many in ways you can't begin to imagine."

"What do you believe?" he asked.

"Episcopalian," she said with a smile. "I used to be Catholic, but I couldn't handle all the abuse in the church."

"Do you really think my suffering is part of some divine plan?"

"My faith teaches me that all suffering brings us closer to Jesus. As a medical professional, I feel I cannot live by that belief. So, I'm a cafeteria Episcopalian. I believe there is something brilliant planned for your future Dr. Reid. What, I don't know. But you did not suffer, only to suffer more. Great things are ahead for you, Dr. Reid. I believe it in my heart."

Reid looked at her.

"Can I have a hug?"

"Absolutely," she said.

She hugged him gently. It was soft and sweet. Reid liked her hug as it gave him the faith and confidence to move forward.

…

Juno and Ormes drove Reid up to Morgan's house. It was a sizeable two floor addition. Reid looked forward to the idea of living there.

Morgan was waiting outside.

"Hey buddy," he said.

"Hey Morgan," he said.

"I can't wait to show you the place."

"Thank you for agreeing to house me," he said.

"Reid, you aren't a burden. I'm happy to have you live with me."

Morgan waved them forward.

"Come on. The inside is awesome."

They entered through the side door.

"This is your own entrance," he said.

There was a mudroom in the front, and they walked down the hall and entered the first door on the left.

Reid was stunned.

There were three floor-to-ceiling book cases in the corner that were partially filled. A bed was in corner, desk in the other, and TV mounted on the ceiling. It was a perfect room.

Reid looked at some of the books.

"Some of these are mine," he said.

Morgan nodded.

"Rossi put all your stuff in climate-controlled storage and gave me the key. Look in the closet."

Reid opened it and found some of his favorite clothes. Touching them nearly brought him to tears.

"Do you like it?" Juno asked.

He looked at the three of them.

"I love it."

"Come on," Morgan said. "There is more to see."

They walked down the hall and found an entertainment room.

"This is yours to use whenever, when you don't feel like going down to kitchen."

It had a minifridge, sink, toaster oven, and coffee machine, in one nook surrounded by cabinets. There was also a popcorn maker.

"The kids love this thing," he said. "I swear the first word Sharon learned was 'pop' from the sound of it."

"Where is everyone anyway?" he asked.

"Hank is at T-ball camp and Savanah and Sharon are with her mother's. She is probably spoiling Sharon's dinner with sweets no matter how much Savanah fights it. The place always smells like cookies are being made."

Reid laughed.

"I look forward to beating you at foosball," Morgan said with a grin.

"There isn't a sport you can't beat me it, but I bet I can still beat you at poker."

Morgan went to the table in the corner and flipped the halves, revealing a poker table.

"Savanah and I fought over this," he said. "So, we compromised: She got a spa tub and I got the poker table."

"That sounds like a win-win," Ormes said with a smile.

"Come on speaking of bathes," he said. "Let me show you yours."

They walked down the hall and found a decadent tub and shower combo in shades of gray-blue.

"Morgan, this is too much," Reid said.

"The idea would have been to rent this space out to the kids once they're grown. I also have another spare room in case my family comes up. It's long term investment, kid."

"I'm not a kid anymore," Reid said suddenly.

"You will be to me," Morgan said with a laugh.

"Kids don't go through what I went through!" he said angrily.

"I'm sorry, Reid," Morgan said.

"No, don't. I'm the one who's messed up."

Reid turned angrily and stumbled over his left foot. He landed on the ground.

"F**K! F**K! F**K!" Reid screamed. "I screw up everything."

Morgan knelt by his side and hugged him. Reid fought it at first.

"You're not a screwup, Spencer," he said as his voice filled with emotion. "I thought I had lost you. I thought I had lost my little brother! But you came back. You saved yourself. From the moment I heard you were back, I vowed to do whatever it took to make your life as happy as possible as long as I lived. You can't scare me away Spencer. I won't let you."

Reid sobbed into Morgan's arms.

"Thank you for being my friend," he said in a low tone.

"You don't need thank me when it is a pleasure," Morgan said.

Once they both stopped crying, Morgan helped him up, and they continued the tour.


	43. Chapter 43

Well, last night's episode hit far too close to home. Still, I can't wait to see what comes next!

Chapter Forty-Three:

Calvin woke up naked in Nick's apartment on Saturday. She was ready to scream.

"Is this part where you call what we did last night a mistake?" Nick asked, when he saw she was awake.

"No, it wasn't," Calvin said. "I have to break up with Reid."

"Are you still moving to DC?" he asked.

"I already sold my place in New York, and put in an advance on a place in DC. I am ready to move on. What about you?"

"I start my job as a DCTV station manager the second week of September," he said.

"How do you feel, being my rebound guy?"' she asked, turning to him.

"I'm just glad, I ran into you on the trail last weekend," he said. "I'm also glad my sister couldn't make to the play last night and you agreed to come."

"Am a I horrible person for wanting to break up with someone recovering from three years of captivity?"

"You're a person who is going after what she wants," Nick said. "You're also doing him justice by not dragging it out. Reid maybe recovering from trauma, but he deserves honesty also."

"I feel like I'm giving up too easily," she said. "This was our first fight."

"Gwen, what is your heart telling you?" he asked.

"That Reid deserves more than what I can give him."

"Then tell him that," he said. "You're a good person, Gwen. Don't ever forget that."

Calvin sighed. Nick made it sound so easy. It wasn't going to be.

…

Calvin found Sasha typing away on her computer. She looked up when Calvin came in.

"It's over with Reid, isn't it?" she said.

"I have that morning after look, don't I?"

"I happen to really like Spencer Reid," she said. "But I sensed he wasn't right for you."

"How so?"

"He needs someone who understands pain. Not that you don't, but you've never felt loss the way he has. Reid also needs someone with a passion for knowledge. You have that, but your passion only scrapes the surface as to what humanity can offer."

"You've only met him once."

"He's the first non-medical professional I ever met who knew about the tuberculosis problem in Cambodia," she said. "You don't know that information for fun, you know it because it adds meaning to your life somehow."

"Would _you_ like to date him?" Calvin asked.

"After he has completed his treatment, maybe," she said.

Calvin sighed.

"I know it doesn't feel like it but, you're doing what's best for Reid now," Sasha said.

"How do you know?" Calvin asked. "He is due to be released in two weeks. What will this do to his progress?"

"He's in a place where he can get the help, he needs to process it," she said. "If you waited until he got out, that might have been a problem."

"Why do I still feel rotten about all of this?" Calvin asked.

"Because breakups are awful, no matter what the intentions," she said. "Just be honest with him and things will work out."

"For someone who admittedly hasn't been in a lot of relationships, you seem to know tons about them."

"In Uganda, I was a peer counselor," she said. "I had to learn how to teach young adults about when to take a relationship to the next level in a safe way."

"I think Reid might like you," Calvin said.

"I think I'll wait a while before I reach out to him."

…

Calvin met with Juno on Tuesday.

"I'm not surprised," Juno said. "There is a difference between loving the idea of a person and loving the actual person. You two seemed to click extraordinarily well. I am glad you were there for him during the past three months so he could know love."

"Thank you for being so understanding," Calvin said.

"This won't be easy on anyone, but it will be beneficial in the long run. Everything is going to be fine Gwen."

"Okay," she said.

"Let's go meet Reid."

They walked to visitor's room. Gwen sat at a table while Ormes came in with Reid. He was in black pants and a red dress shirt.

"Hey," she said as he sat down.

"Hi," he said.

"I see you got your hair cut slightly shorter," she said lightly.

"I like the way it moves," he said. "But that's not why you're here, is it?"

Calvin took a deep breath.

"I can't be the person you need me to be for the relationship to work," she said rapidly. "I want nothing but the best for you and I'm sorry if this impedes your progress."

"Gwen," Reid. "Breathe."

She realized there were tears in her eyes.

"I don't like the idea of breaking your heart," she said. "I loved you so much over the years and now that I have gotten to know you, but I don't know how to express it anymore."

"Gwen," Reid said. "Give me your hands."

She held them out and Reid held on to them tightly.

"You are among the best things to ever happen to me since I escaped. Your touch and support have meant the world to me. I treasured every moment we shared together. This is a season of change. It's going to be okay."

"How are you so calm about all this?" she asked.

"Because I saw it coming and I also saw the stress in your eyes. I didn't want you to live with that. I hope we can be friends in the future."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

He nodded.

"I'm in the right place to get the help I need. And I might let Iris dig out a couple tubs of ice cream for us to gorge on late into the night at some time."

She smiled.

"That sounds like a plan."

Reid picked up her hands and gently kissed them.

"Part of me will always love you," he said.

"Same here, Spencer," she said.

…

Calvin was sipping her second cup of coffee of the day when Connie came in.

"So, you and Nick?" she said.

Calvin nearly spilled her mug.

"No, the whole place doesn't know yet. But, since you're both relocating to DC, dots are going to be connected."

"Do you know about Saturday?" she asked.

"Nick and I slept together the first week we worked together. We realized we liked each other better as friends. Later on, he had a thing for you, and I discovered I preferred the company of women."

"What do you think of the relationship?" Calvin asked.

"I think you'll figure it out when you leave these walls for good. In the meantime, have fun. The way you two are opposites must make for great sex."

"See you later Connie," Calvin said.

Connie winked and left.

Calvin sighed. Today felt like the ending of something. She'd live with fond memories of Reid for the rest of her life, but it was the end. Calvin hoped for the best for herself and Spencer Reid.


	44. Chapter 44

Enjoy!

Chapter Forty-Four:

"I'm honestly relieved," Reid said as he and Iris ate ice cream in the kitchen.

"That's an interesting reaction," Iris said.

"People kept saying we were in love from the way we reacted to each other. I think our feelings were only surface-deep in a lot of ways."

"But you two seemed to click so nicely," she said. "And you had sex!"

"At your prompting! I think Gwen knew I needed to be intimate with a woman after only knowing men for so long. It was kind of, I don't know, necessary, more than passionate."

"I was really rooting for you guys," she said.

"Plans change," Reid said. "People fall in and out of love. It's human nature."

"How does your other ex, feel about all this?" she asked. "She probably won't be happy to hear about your heart being broken."

"I sent Cat a letter saying I broke it off," he said. "It isn't that far from the truth. I don't know why it took me being knocked into a coma for us a realize we weren't right for each other long-term, but it did."

"Your life sounds like a dumb romance," Iris said.

"The future is not set in stone," Reid said. "Gwen Calvin played a vital role in my healing progress. Now that time is over. It is time for a new beginning."

Iris nudged his tub with her.

"Cheers to that!" she said. "You're busting out of this place next Friday."

"Part of me can't believe it," Reid said. "And part of me is going to miss you."

"I'll be around," she said. "You're still going to be coming here for outpatient treatment three times a week for two months, right?"

"Right."

"We'll be fine," she said. "You can't get rid of me as easily as Gwen."

Reid smiled.

"I hope not."

…

"Dr. Reid, I want you to paint a future for me," Jetta said. "Take your time, and focus on what you really want out of life."

Reid closed his eyes.

"There is no future, but pain for you, animal."

He opened them and painted a child that looked like him. He had a mop of curly brown hair and brown eyes with a hesitant smile.

"He's beautiful," she said.

"But is it realistic at my age to want a child?" he asked.

"Forty-three is hardly old," she said. "I'm sure there are women out there who'd want a kid with you."

"I also scared of being a father. What if I'm too damaged to be one?" he asked.

"Dr. Reid, you are not too damaged. You'd be a great father."

"The only thing you are is an animal."

"I'm scared," Reid said. "I'm excited about leaving here, but I know I will regress out there as it will be a shock to my system. I just don't know what to do."

"You're going to be okay," she said calmly. "I don't doubt it for a second. Will you have episodes, yes? But will you break through them? That, too. It is all about balance Dr. Reid. The good will outweigh the bad in the end."

"In the end you're going to die a filthy animal."

"His voice is growing louder in my head again," Reid said.

"That is also partially your anxiety talking, the point of you staying here is for you get well enough to get out. I don't know for sure if you'll ever get his voice out of your head for good, but you will learn to live with him on the edge of your mind."

Reid looked away.

"Dr. Reid, you have made tremendous progress since you started here. You're not as sensitive to touch. Uris isn't causing violent episodes. You've known love and have accepted rejection remarkably well. You may not consider yourself a fighter, but you are. Be proud of who you've become, Dr. Reid, because I certainly am."

"Thank you, Dr. Jetta," he said.

"You're welcome."

…

Reid was asleep Thursday night, when he heard an urgent knock on his door. He opened it to see the night counselor.

"The BAU wants to see you," he said.

He quickly grabbed his robe and went to the visitor's room. The team was assembled there and on a table was a multi-sided, large wooden puzzle box.

"The governor of Maryland's young twin daughters, have been abducted," Prentiss said. "They didn't call us and tried to do it through a private company. When they paid the ransom, the only thing they got was this in return."

"Can I work on it?" he asked.

"We wouldn't be here if we could figure it out without you."

Reid carefully examined the box and then put certain tiles back in place. He carefully began to work on it.

"I need a pen and paper," he said.

It was quickly given to him.

"There are layers to this puzzle, I think they're coordinates," he said.

Garcia pulled up her computer.

He read out the numbers as he shed each layer. It revealed a small wooden box. He opened it to reveal two sets of bloody unicorn stud earrings.

"Guys, I've got it," Garcia shouted. "It's a house in a remote part of the Chesapeake Bay."

"Can I hug you?" Prentiss asked.

"Only if you promise to tell me if you found the girls."

"I will," she said.

She hugged him and everyone quickly left. Reid let out a sigh of relief. Even with his partially numb hand, he was able to get the job done.

…

The girls were dead. Prentiss told him they were dead before the puzzle box was sent. A deranged master carpenter who hated the governor's policies and wanted to send a message.

"How are you doing Dr. Reid?" Juno asked with Ormes.

"If this had happened earlier in my treatment, it might have devastated me," he said thoughtfully. "But the farther away I get from the trauma, the more I remember about who I used to be as an agent. Not every case ended with the unsub being taken down. We don't always save everyone. Sometimes all we can do is assess the case based on what we know and move on from there."

"That is a very mature way of looking at it, Dr. Reid," Ormes said. "It okay to be sad though. This won't affect your release date."

"I know," he said. "I want to get back into the mindset of an agent. I'll never hold a gun again, but I need to be ready for these situations where there are no happy endings."

"I think you have a bright future ahead of you Dr. Reid," Juno said.

"As do I," Ormes said.

"Animal."

Reid focused on Juno and Ormes. He would not let Uris win.


	45. Chapter 45

I started writing this chapter twice and nearly fell asleep both times. Writing right now is not easy. This the best I can give right now.

Chapter Forty-Five:

Max looked around at everyone dressed in costumes.

"Remind me why I'm doing this?" she asked Sammy.

"My mom promised she'd never set you up with another guy if you took me to WhoCon," he said.

"Right no more terrible dates," she said more to herself than anyone.

"I can't believe the fourteenth Doctor is doing a panel here in DC! That usually only happens in San Diego."

"Cool," Max said.

"Why don't you like Doctor Who Aunt Max?" he asked.

"It's not that I don't," she said. "It's just, it doesn't always make sense. I prefer crime dramas."

They took their seats in the convention hall. The seats were good as they were only two rows away.

"I'm glad we came early," Sammy said.

"We had no choice. Protesters are swarming the area over some supreme court case."

"It is about the rights of fertility clinics to dispose of frozen eggs," he said.

"Right," Max said.

A heavily pregnant woman dressed as a TARDIS sat next to them with her daughter, who looked to be around six, dressed as the fourteenth Doctor.

"Boy or Girl?" Sammy asked.

"Sam," Max said.

"No, it's okay," the woman said. "A girl. Another future Time Lady."

"Welcome everyone," the host said. "Let's lay out some ground rules…"

Max pulled out her phone and played a game. She stood and cheered when the actress who played the fourteenth Doctor appeared, but tuned the rest out. There was lots of cheering and laughter.

A special guest was introduced.

"What role will you being playing?" the host asked gamely.

"Romana III!" she said.

The audience erupted in screams. Sammy was even clapping and shouting. Very slowly the screaming died down. Except one person wouldn't stop.

"My water broke!" the woman said.

"I'll call nine one-one," a dark-skinned man said.

"She was supposed to be a C-section," she cried. "I skipped Lamaze classes this time."

"Ambulances can't get here for fifteen minutes," the man said.

The woman screamed.

"I can't wait that long!"

"Mommy!" the girl screamed.

"Is there a doctor in the audience?" the host asked.

"I've delivered a child before," a quiet voice said.

It was the man's friend. He had a long scarf on and a hat.

"What do you need?" Max asked.

"A first aid kit, washcloths, and a container of warm water," he said rapidly as he took off his scarf and hat.

A security guard silently brought over the first aid kit as the woman screamed.

"Clear everyone away," he said. "Ma'am I need you to breath like this."

He filled his cheeks with air and breathed out.

"How can I help?" Sammy asked.

The man turned to Sammy.

"Do you mind if your daughter plays with this boy?" he said.

"I don't mind," she said. "I don't want my daughter to see this. I am Taylor by the way, and that is Emily."

"I'm Spencer. Take her to the other corner with your mom," Spencer said.

"I'm not his mom," Max said automatically. "I'm his aunt. I'm Max and this is Sammy."

"Sammy, Max," he said. "Take care of Emily. Ask her to name all the actors who played the Doctor."

"That's easy," Emily said. "Will Hartnell, Patrick Troughton…"

Max tried to stay engaged with Emily, but Sammy did better. The huddled in a corner where the girl couldn't see her mom panting in pain. He kept asking who her favorite Doctors were and who were her favorite companions. Max kept looking over anxiously.

Paramedics arrived just as Spencer announced. "We have a head!"

A few minutes later, a baby could be heard crying.

"Is that my sister?" Emily asked.

"I think so," Max said.

Spencer locked eyes with Max and nodded.

They walked over.

"What is a name that means something to you?" Taylor asked.

"You don't have to," he said.

"Please," she said. "I won these tickets. This the only way I can repay you."

"Diana," he said after a pause.

"Diana Jane," she said. "Emily, meet your new sister, Diana Jane!"

"She's so tiny!" Emily cooed.

Paramedics came over.

"Let's get you to the hospital."

Taylor touched Spencer's shoulder.

"Thank you," she said turned Max and Sammy. "Thank you."

"We had the easy job," Max said.

"Thank you nonetheless."

They carried her away.

"Nice work," the dark-skinned man said.

"Thanks Morgan," he said.

The actress who played the Doctor appeared.

"That was some fine Doctoring," she said. "My schedule is booked tight. Can I invite you to Cardiff when shooting begins in September? Taylor and her family will be invited too."

Sammy looked like was going to explode with joy. Spencer looked nervous.

"You don't know who I am, do you?" he said quietly.

"I don't care who you are," she said. "You delivered a baby. My manager is coming over to arrange the particulars. Lechyd Da!"

She quickly left.

"Who are you?" Max asked.

"You're Spencer Reid," Sammy said. "You killed your captor after three years in confinement. Did you just get out of the hospital?"

For the first time in her life, Max considered slapping her nephew.

Spencer nodded.

"Forgive my nephew's rudeness. Can I take you out for coffee?"

"It's not necessary," he said.

"I insist," I said.

"Are you afraid of being in crowds?" Sammy asked. "How'd you manage to concentrate?"

The manager approached them.

"Sure," he said with a shrug.

Max didn't know much about Spencer Reid, but she saw a spark in him. He wasn't a doctor, but he delivered a baby after a traumatic experience. He was positively heroic. Something about that turned Max on.


End file.
